I collected my sins in a marble jar
They were ugly
But they were real

-cj

One lightbulb is burned out
The other two taunt it for lacking what
they flaunt
I still don't change it

-cj

"Have you ever asked her who she is trying to feed by emptying herself?"
Maybe to them it will appear vague
But to me, I'll know
I'll know that she is feeding a monster

-cj

All she does is talk
Do you see the practice in her mock
genuinity
'Cause I can
Maybe she put you in a trance with her
plagiarised poetry and false inflections
When I was standing there, my arms
crossed, my mouth agape with eternal o's resounding from it

-cj

Being confused is a big part of this adolescent thing
Knowing something is different from
believing it
Each word that forms in our minds and
escapes our mouths are the faults and
stars we were born to claim like our
last name

-cj

you puncture every cell of me
and I bleed so willingly

-cj

The songs that don't force you to feel a
certain way-I like those
They give you something and your mind
swallows it, whether it taste bitter or sweet
It is yours

-cj

December shifted me
Of all the aspects to change
My dignity remains existent, however feeble
January was the enemy, the one who fought ***** in disguise
Patterns composed of days and weeks, but
moments more vivid than time itself
Unseen, unheard, untasted yet experienced
nonetheless
Only two months from two different years
have we been entangled
Two months, nine weeks
Confused hours of some number, too
broken to count
"all you need is love" once rang so true
Fake is a name that I cannot slap on it
A slap, in the face
Leave behind red stripes
Even so in the past
The stripes, similar to a rainbow's,
colourless after shining the shades of
childhood toys
Trumpets sound happy
But "you're in my veins" resulted in heavy
tears, "every teardrop is a waterfall" screamed through the sleeves of the thick
shirt hung on shoulders weighed down
"apathy" is the answer given, perhaps taken, too blurred glassy eyes whose
brainwaves behind work in overdrive, or
was it just the incident, coinciding?

-cj

welcome to april,
where the girls try steal your man
and you want to purge all you can

-cj

Patience is a virtue, rebellion is a sin
Going on tangent makes me want to
touch you

-cj

If I stopped writing I'm pretty sure
my cells would shrivel up and the notions
aforementioned in wishy-washy stanzas
pertaining to the deceptive romantics
would become gold poison seeking to
destroy their maker

-cj

Let me go, please
But no, there is more to reveal, more to
uncover to the exterior
Now I know that to these words
I am eternally inferior

-cj

how do things, seasons, change?
surely a tilt of an axis cannot fully explain
these transformations
but read into it and eagerness to stay is
wild and unwavering
also the sun sort of fries the sorrowful,
but only when they're under it the ones
above are comforted with delights we
cannot comprehend
is this all there is? work and no play?
or play and no work? is there ground to
tread or a scale to measure
or are these worn out metaphors just a
lifeline to sustain such a heartbeat as mine
or hers or yours

-cj

I have absolutely no clue what to do
Not an inkling
Logic screws me over, but
the entanglement has so vexed
the chambers of my heart
When I used to daydream, it was good
too breathe in the hopes of seeing you
look at me, think of me
Now the companion I find in you
is a stranger

-cj

Waking up, ******* love
Giving up all I once held out for
Breaking down, crying out
Lasting long for the short route

-cj

Waste nothing, want every little mint and lozenge in the shop
Forgive everyone, seek vengeance on all
the sidewalk cracks since the start

-cj

Tug my sweater down, pinch the skin
that peeks, and I feel the bones beneath
that design me with edges
No roundness nor circles nor pi
A linear loveliness creates
straight shadows
I wonder if you are partial to me?

-cj

Give and take
For October's sake
Blink out salty tears,
Hallow my name,
Dust off the have-nots
***** me with an ultimatum

-cj

Whatever combines against me, I guess you're welcome
It's not like I can change anything now
So far into fate
It's too late for mad modifications
At the bottom of this low, emit some highs
Just for me to cross somewhat gracefully

-cj

Fumbling through the darkened lights
The room knows you so well, the secrets
whispered into the walls
The books don't hold grudges
Not for too long, at least
Unlike you they don't want to be
anyone's ghost

-cj

Mirrors bend, images send
lascivious shivers
All morality withers
Perhaps the negative,
the black and white,
white and black,
will reveal that
I am inverted and real

-cj

Thanks for putting me in this place,
I'm holding myself up between the walls
as the water rises
It's up to my waist
I'm up to here with your lack of effort
Yeah, I'm motioning to my head
Toss me a buoy, would you?
At least give me an explanation
I'm sick of being wrung-out,
searching for a reason
Just tell me why or what
or something about this,
you uncracked enigma

-cj

Send me letters soaked in futile reassurances
Check the box saying yes, I love you, but
I don't think I can
Send me your condolences, sever my
fingers from your wrists
If you must
Release myself from you,
release yourself from me
A relentless cycle of tortured romance-
we wither together

-cj

At times when the bell rings
the desk clutches your joints
in a locking snare
Others, the siren lets
your skin sail away
at the speed of light

Is every door locked, no matter the size of the keyhole nor squeaky hinges acting as a
sans-bells alarm?
Cracks meet agelines, define its
exhausted time

-cj

Humans roam the earth
They think they own it,
They know everything
No doubts, but fear prevails
They are the ones who run things
around here

-cj

Excuse me, pardon me
It's not as if we've been entangled for
countless weeks
A waiting game that ruthlessly leaves me
in my room to think of you and
not much else

-cj

Young, but so done living
Everyday is just another brick in the wall
Smoke it, drink it, take a look at it
Try me, says the liar
Come on, little fool, don't fall for it when all
your friends are blaring with why not to

-cj

Mustn't meddle in the business of fate
and frayed ideals
Otherwise mine may get tainted
Investigate what evidence lays on the bed:
A tearstained journal, a key, a pearl necklace with a broken clasp
It's quite the scene, vast and antiquated,
but very real
Rationalise the lies, verify the vendetta
against all great art and lovers' palms

-cj

Twenty-six is unlucky
A number not to **** with
Gargantuan disfortune lurks
around every corner
Thanks for the consideration,
for the crystal ball theories and
lists of omens
I learn all this by doing, you
thoughtless con

-cj

Words drown; a watery vengeance, I'd say
Resuscitate the poet, wring out the lungs
all splattered with ink; paper confetti bloodstains
Save the denied artist, try a little tender humanity, something to quench your thankless thirst

-cj

The clock's got that wicked angle about it,
and I guessed it-nearing the point of no return
The kind we seek in labyrinthic nights
The numbers and hands dictate, and
I follow without a fight

-cj

Open your heart, they said
You will find what is right for you
But as the songs/books/faces/walls
ricochet between my eyes,
I know all I want is somewhere
other than here

-cj

The sad facts are once again I am alone
and that I know I am
What am I expecting?
An emergence of new lines to trace,
muted histories in old dusty books
Crazed songs set to wild dances
What is there left for you to offer me
besides the nothing you've already
given?
Apathy, maybe, or a chance to be
drenched in utterly ****** contradiction

-cj

I don't want to be like anybody else
I'd rather sleep in between the wall
and the bookshelf
Conformity is dead to me

-cj

Opening doors and closing them once
glimpsing what is on the other side,
a cowardly move,
but we are all guilty, holding the ****
we grasped too tight, sweat still wet on our
hands and fingers
Someone else autonomically preparing it-
a relief, perhaps? or a burden? Only time
will tell, spill its secrets without a hint of
shame 'cause the virtues personified daily by thousands of sullen dreamers just fade
incrementally till the blank nothingness of
it all stuns us into silence, leaving crowds,
multitudes, curious, breathless.

-cj

A simple creaking sent my senses into
this deprived frenzy
I am sorry for my sanity's flight
to the non-fiction section
But I can't help but be where I am
meant to be
Here in our beautiful fable world

-cj

Admiring the clock, clicking my tongue
with the pendulum and ding **** result
Musing over mahogany
or whatever the time machine is made of
In a daze, minutes are the malaise
And before I can see it
I've got ecstasy in my face

-cj

Maybe I'd rather have a cold heart
than the sharp need for touch
Then my priorities wouldn't be
warmth and the soft of him
But something hard and factual
I could make a figurine out of

-cj

You are a beautiful pianist,
she touches my hand and says
Seventeen and horrified, maybe
Terribly sympathetic,
playing blue arabesques and
yearning for summer

-cj

Until now your science has been mere evidence
Essential maxims blew hard scores
into my ears
Negligent, the stark truth remains

-cj

Writing wasn't an excuse
for feeling
Just a truer medium
of understanding
my sighs and broken
thought patterns

-cj

Back to that dark and cold place
Where there were black and white rumours
Whispered in the corridor
And austere paintings on the walls
Return to colourless candour
A simpler deity and home

-cj

I'm a makeless nuance
Last week's murmurings
No one of consequence
I'm a mindless newcomer
Luckless while many
Never can even begin

-cj

How disarming it is
to see someone smiling
as they walk alone

-cj

Like a devil's advocate
I listened as deep as apparition
licked the fictional dust
falling under the self-written
mantra's power:
It's not my fault

-cj

However,  our differences peaked, and the stitches came undone:
neither of us lost
but
neither of us won

-cj

Forgive me if I never unleashed some kind
of sheer persona
It isn't in my interests to overexpose the
quiet half-strengths of the wallflower

-cj

Nobody knows what you are thinking
except you and the thousands of yous
in that pretty skull of yours

-cj

Luxuries and treacheries
disguise themselves
as the other
It's an egregious cycle
A mundane ellipsis
My head spins
in time with
wherever it originated
I don't know
if it will
have a grave
though I hope
and pray

-cj