Thin respect veils the difference between dawn and morning Circles of chairs watch the small worryings emanate from my hands and folded arms Routine is fallacious, and I'm starting to think, so are you So, without further delay, adieu.
Perhaps I have gotten too comfortable and I imposed this curse upon myself I truly am an accelerating ******* It is no surprise that the good and bad have blended into a formula I incessantly choke on
What's unsettling about its premises Learned how to make it fast and easy Is this a good thing No, it isn't, sweetheart Just a shortcut to death Or slow comatose wishing
I said it but the meaning must have yawned back into my pillow Every word is muffled, now There are amplified voices speaking horrors I do not want to hear So I neglect surroundings and burrow into my inner home
She wanted adventure and she got conformity She wanted romance and she got apathy She wanted beauty and she got plainness She wanted sleep and she got decibels and light She didn't want to sing and her voice tainted the air anyway
The glass house that contained Debussy and sleepless inhabitants with graduation caps in rows and columns put me in a wintry trance while I longed for fictional relief
Who was this disorder A nameless face With such deep gravity That struck me in hours and pentagons He's a man, she's me Isn't it Whoever it is I'm brandishing a knife for you
Temptation began as a spark And it made its way through me All electric in the dark It said hold me, Hold me now And later the words held something like crying out with pleasure But I really only wanted relief
you have to stop yourself and ask if you possess the power to write something true and also something false and if you can only do one of those ******* you are not a writer
How grand is the spectacular NOW Its decibels and magnitude are larger than the last and the next. Oh, how fantastic is the present Taunting and freezing and plagiarising I'd **** for another grand NOW.
What you think you will never do or like or become can infest your mind and invert your prior beliefs to the icy caps you wanted to avoid You can run but hiding only exposes you further Naked and dignity shoved elsewhere This is what you thought would never become of you
If not for the gasoline aspect I would drive all over town Listening to music from the stereo Just me, just the car Just the world staying still And moving, still, somehow
Probably not the best way to end another day, relying on metaphysical release to remind myself of tomorrow Again and again I bend to the losing level It is an unhealthy paradise and I think I like it
Learning A routine of early hours Spent in the same place Day in and out With textbook patterns And papers and exams
~
Learning What is supposed to be Working to make home lovely & clean And running through fields And skipping stones And swimming in the lake Pointing up at the birds that fly by Reading the stories we want to Sometimes only looking at the pictures
Surely this is a malfunction Since when has my mind allowed such turbulent tranquility It is unsettling But I must say how nice it is to stare out at a sea in which my hours have not drowned completely
I am insane I am psychotik It is a numb sensation that sharpens my sense of dual reality I'd much rather lock eyes with you (and never find the key) than stare at this blank pool for the umpteenth time, defeat sitting in my gut
She remembered the night his body was so close she could see it even though her eyes were closed The rhythm they shared could never be repeated Virgins cleaving to their day and reveling in their night
deprivation and intuition-blue & white, until the bell sounds for the billionth time. I will sit and not speak, companion to the wall, and enemy to the friend.
We were told to read a book about a mustached murderer and most of us were put to sleep by the architect's chapters but I read them anyway maybe just to say I did or to more enjoy the blood and wicked victories of the killer's story
No one could ever decode what I was talking of in any of them It was liberating unlike any other activity I had taken up Eventually I'll just start screaming the truth without veils or metaphors or cloudy titles, I thought But that's when it happened and I was back to the cryptic ways of the silent artist
The moon shivered and said goodnight You never said hello and as we both know That should never be taken as a loveless gesture Only I wish I could slice time out of the night Just to spend it with you
Why was I about to cry? Because I had fumbled with my senses in a masochistic ruse Played god in this grotesquer game? All I felt was the sweet tears come but not fall
I want to spraypaint every chorus, every note every breath There isn't room Instead I embellish my mind's synapses with them and it keeps me alive a little longer
Belonging is a scary concept I'd rather unassimilate and become a member of a different species Maybe change my name and change my face It's really a scary idea, Finding refuge with other people- I'd rather not
You concealed it Were you ashamed? I saw it in every thing about you and for a minute it made me sad You are not dimensionless Though I once thought so You dizzy the stars within me but I think I make yours go still
If only one day would wane like our favourite side of the moon Then we would look up and watch it wax into something only slightly less eternal than us
It's a little too late to call home I stood at your door wondering what your lips felt like And the next week you seemed to forget the moment like your next doctor's appointment
Apparently if you have a hard time you are a statistic If you make a mistake a rather large one at that You are stupid and foolish This is why you and I We fall asleep with songs playing into our many voids Crammed with empathies better than what we are told on the other side of the spectrum
This is the explicit edit of a memoir written by a girl no one thought of as a survivor or a victim or even a liar But a secret-keeper she was Folding the halves into her journal and risking it all once more Even if it inevitably made her sore