My mom once had a dream,
A daughter quite not like me.
She hoped for a girl, oh so bright instead of spite.
She hoped for an offspring to carry on the family name and change for the better. Instead i've chosen the road less considered, abandoned almost. I walk it alone, a pack of cigarettes and not a worry at all.
I lack courage and bravery.
I lack forewarning and a conscience.  
I lack heart and therefore have no feeling whatsoever.
I lack meaning and therefore have chosen to **** myself.
I lack the knowledge that i was never really here, alive, existing--
Oh how disappointed my dear mother must feel..

Last Night was a warm night, high vibes and good laughs. The moon full and my head empty,  I lit a cigarette and finished my glass.

These nights don't happen often.

I'm running out of ways
To poetically admit
that i still hate myself for loving you.
I'm running out of space
to occupy the new scars
that relieve the pain i feel for you.
I'm running out of energy
to cry the tears i feel
when alone & not with you.
I'm running out of patience
this infinite abyss
will soon encompass me.
I'm running out of time
I no longer can wait --
spare each despairingly moment
without you.
I'm running out of love.
How long must I wait?
Do you have any decency for the pain i am to bear?

Wuthering secrets of long past times
Forgotten romances of heartened crimes.
Christening crinkles twilling frosted echoes atop damped dervishes of your fragile mind.

Shelling out are withering bones of decaying, eternal, mindless vines.
Encasing slithery crevices eradicating dusted  wintered shadowed lines.

Binding the sainted ****** where upon the shore of gloried day breaks of the lost door.
Listen to the howls of the wind--
as all of creation stirs about & about
Never the less, simply this.
To again, never to.

Driven off the cliff of insanities thrills unto the shivers of the unrested, splintered and torn.
Forevermore, oh how dreadful!
Namelessly unplaced, vacantly ashamed! Lonely and untamed, gratefully kept at bay!

Its dark. Buzzing of voices zoom and echo about the tunnel. Quacking and rumbling are my insides until churned splat into roadkill. Even the vultures prefer not to feast upon my limp, ****** corpse.

I'm not me anymore, I can't remember what she was like. I read somewhere that memory loss can develop from Depression, otherwise I've developed a subconscious talent for suppressing meaningless occurrences. Bravo.

Death couldn't save me, be lucky if It could. Combine Comfortably Numb by Pink Floyd along with Where is My Mind by The Pixies to generally summarize the agony i feel.
Teen angst and un-satisfaction.
A crave unfed, a thirst unquenched.
I've been beaten to the point where I enjoy it, I practically lust for it.

Life and happiness are imaginarily irrelevant. I don't want it, I never did.
I want to feel, whatever. I've been numb for too long. Almost a year by September.

Dear God, spare me will ya?
I forget, I'm an Atheist.

A girl fell down a hole
              Last Thursday's forecast too cold
A lighthouse danced on the shore
                        Engorging
                                  shadows
                                             not
                                                  seen
                                                         before.
           This skin is parasitic.
                                        
                                         Terminal.

For the girls tattooed as one.

I’m traveling north: beyond the sky.
above the horizon, bleak as the night.  
I’ll sail amongst the stars,
splashing about in their dust to heal these scars.

I’m traveling north: to escape fate
like moths to flames, I am to blame.
I’ll burn my deathbed atop Jupiter’s clouds,
floating flames of pyres igniting my soul.

I’m traveling north: to preach the testament
of a girl abused as a child. Reasons, she’ll never know.
I’m traveling north: because of the forgotten warrior:
a guardian bruised, stolen from humanity & abandoned to fight for sanity.

I’m traveling north: upon the waves of a lion’s roar,
the tide of the mighty echo, the righteous, the torn.
I’m traveling north diving overboard,
cursing the man who sought my freedom for a greater reward.  

I’m traveling north: to visit Abigail’s soul,
to skip and share secrets with a girl I once shared a home with.  
I’m traveling, traveling, traveling
traveling, traveling, traveling.

A nomad in search of gold.