The truth hurts
So I prefer my beautiful lies

That rose had nine inch spikes
It took me months to get pricked

My heart was happy
So she just had to crush it

The flower said i wish i was a tree
The tree said i wish i could be
A different kind of tree
The cat wished that it was a bee
The turtle wished that it could fly
Really high into the sky
Over rooftops and then dive deep into the sea
And in the sea there is a fish
A fish that is a secret wish
A wish to be a big cactus with a pink flower on it
And in the sea there is a fish
A fish that has a secret wish
A wish to be a big cactus with a pink flower on it
And the flower would be it's offering
To the desert so dry and lonely
And the desert so dry and lonely
So that all the animals apreaciate the effort
The rattle snake said "i wish i had hands
So i could hug you like a man"
And the cactus said "well don't you understand,
My skin is covered with sharp spikes
That'll stab you like a thousand knives.
I'm sure a hug would be nice
But hug my flower with your eyes"
The flower said i wish i was a tree
The tree said i wish i could be
A different kind of tree
The cat wished that it was a bee
The turtle wished that it could fly
Really high into the sky
Over rooftops and then dive
Deep into the sea
And in the sea we have a fish
A fish that has a secret wish
A wish to be a big cactus
With a pink flower on it

A hollow feeling creeps into my chest cavity
And I am lost

There is heartbreak ahead
I am bracing as if it will come
like a hurricane aboard a ship
There IS heartbreak ahead
and yet i still stumble
into your open arms
and wait for it to tear me to shreds

Im so mentally unstable right now
---
I just want blood
I want hands pulling my limbs from their sockets
I want to rip the hair from my head
And dismember every digit on my two hands
To have my intestines pulled from my body hand over hand
I want to be lying dead on the floor in a mess of parts you can't tell is me

I dont want to know far the depths of my love for you go
because all I know right now is that I want to put you safely away in my heart
and keep you there
and that alone scares me

I want to scream about how hard I'm trying to surface
even though it feels like the entire world is pushing me down and down

I'll be ****** If I let History forget you
Those firey ringlets tucked behind your ear
And those ocean wave eyes
The galaxy of freckles across your shoulders
Your gentle smiles and knowing glances
I could cry to think that some day they may be erased
You'll live on forever in my words
Immortalized forever in my heart
That I've splayed for the world to see

you just
you get drunk
and you think you're gonna pour your soul out into sad poems
but you've got no words to explain anything
you've run out of ways to say
"I don't feel anything anymore and I cry all the time and i feel like ****"
so
you just
you get more drunk

this emptiness
is all consuming
there will be nothing left

I remember the last conversation we had
you were hurrying to get it over with
but i was taking in everything you said as slow as i could

I'm grasping on to any little bit of nothing to hold onto you
And my palms are sweaty and my fingers ache
but I can't let go yet

How many ways
can you tell a person
how empty you are

How many times
do you repeat yourself
before everyone
gets tired of listening

you are everything
and
i am some things

Why would i choose to stand
to fight
when im sure that the weight
that will not stop tugging at my sleeve
the weight of existing
would feel so much better
if i let it drag me to the ground
and pull me beneath the earth
let me be heavy
let me give up
let me end

your ex likes your tweet and you can feel yourself spiralling into the ******* abyss, your body is turning to dust and all that will be left is the thought that when someone says "emily" you still see her face

Its been a few days since i last saw you
But Im still thinking about the little curls at the end of your hair
And the little crinkles next to your eyes
And
How my heart takes off when you smile

Sweet words fall from your mouth into my hard beating heart
You've been talking for hours and I never want to stop listening
Tell me more, always, tell me more
I want to know the insides and outsides of you
Like the hymns I bellow every sunday morning ever since I could remember
Etch yourself into my soft brain and my rigid heart
Even when you are gone I will never forget all those sweet words
You have given to me

I keep writing messages and deleting them
and writing and deleting
and hoping I'll gain the courage to send one
to tell you how much I still care
how much I still hurt

I want you
everyday
I want the good things
and the bad
I want your soft and sweet
And your hard and jagged edges
I want you happy, sad, and angry
I want all of you
everyday
for as long as you will let me have you

Tell me
Tell me how i got so hollow

I am not so easily hurt
If my father's fists never could
Then a broken heart will not shatter me
I am Diamond and TItanium
If dozens of people's words never could
Then yours will not tear me down
I am sound proof
You cannot and will not touch me
In the violent ways you wish to
I am an opponent
made up of more
than you could have ever imagined

I don't know
If my words will be strong enough
to describe how much
I want you

I love you
to the moon
to every planet beyond
the little rock that orbits us
to pluto!
to the next galaxy and the next
to a whole other universe
to a dozen of them
to the edge of time and space
and all the way back to my head
on your chest
where i can hear your heart beating
i love you

I dont yet
want to define
what we are
with a single word
like
"together"

We are soft
and caring
We hold eachother up
when the other would have fallen
We are within eachother's heart
day and night

That is more than
"together"

You were so beautiful
so loved
But what have you become ?
What has the seduction of evil made you ?
I can barely recognize my own brother
Years upon years, AN ETERNITY, we spent together
But I do not know this creature who stands before me
This world
The Heavens
Even I
Have nothing more you can take
Yet you still hunger
I fear that now there cannot be any redemption for you
If there was a spark of hope left
Even after all you have done to hurt me
I would kneel before father and grovel for your soul
But I know that my fears are truth
There is no redemption for what you have become
Do you understand?
I am his second in command
Just as you were his first
You cannot come home
And I cannot leave you here to wreak destruction over mankind
I must destroy you
And I pray I cease to exist in the process
For I do not want to live with my brother's blood on my hands

wanted to talk to you
kept stumbling over my words
like they were too large rocks
on the gravel road that I'm running on
you got bored trying to figure out what i was struggling to say
so you walked away
couldn't figure out how to say
you make me feel safe

How many years has it been
How many endless days of carving 'forget her'
into the soft tissue of my brain
of my heart

How much longer will it take

I don't think I know what love feels like anymore
Since all I can gather of it
Is equivalent to amputating your leg
Without anesthetic

I press a palm to my throat
where i feel my heart beat hardest
thinking
maybe a gentle hand will calm it