The earth longs for my bones
With each passing day its hunger grows

I want you
everyday
I want the good things
and the bad
I want your soft and sweet
And your hard and jagged edges
I want you happy, sad, and angry
I want all of you
everyday
for as long as you will let me have you

I keep writing messages and deleting them
and writing and deleting
and hoping I'll gain the courage to send one
to tell you how much I still care
how much I still hurt

I am throwing up
and i do not know
if its because
i am sick or
because you made me this way
jealousy retches from my body
but
my diseased mind
will not leave me

Sweet words fall from your mouth into my hard beating heart
You've been talking for hours and I never want to stop listening
Tell me more, always, tell me more
I want to know the insides and outsides of you
Like the hymns I bellow every sunday morning ever since I could remember
Etch yourself into my soft brain and my rigid heart
Even when you are gone I will never forget all those sweet words
You have given to me

you are everything
and
i am some things

How many years has it been
How many endless days of carving 'forget her'
into the soft tissue of my brain
of my heart

How much longer will it take

You were so beautiful
so loved
But what have you become ?
What has the seduction of evil made you ?
I can barely recognize my own brother
Years upon years, AN ETERNITY, we spent together
But I do not know this creature who stands before me
This world
The Heavens
Even I
Have nothing more you can take
Yet you still hunger
I fear that now there cannot be any redemption for you
If there was a spark of hope left
Even after all you have done to hurt me
I would kneel before father and grovel for your soul
But I know that my fears are truth
There is no redemption for what you have become
Do you understand?
I am his second in command
Just as you were his first
You cannot come home
And I cannot leave you here to wreak destruction over mankind
I must destroy you
And I pray I cease to exist in the process
For I do not want to live with my brother's blood on my hands

Why would i choose to stand
to fight
when im sure that the weight
that will not stop tugging at my sleeve
the weight of existing
would feel so much better
if i let it drag me to the ground
and pull me beneath the earth
let me be heavy
let me give up
let me end

Its been a few days since i last saw you
But Im still thinking about the little curls at the end of your hair
And the little crinkles next to your eyes
And
How my heart takes off when you smile

I dont yet
want to define
what we are
with a single word
like
"together"

We are soft
and caring
We hold eachother up
when the other would have fallen
We are within eachother's heart
day and night

That is more than
"together"

I love you
to the moon
to every planet beyond
the little rock that orbits us
to pluto!
to the next galaxy and the next
to a whole other universe
to a dozen of them
to the edge of time and space
and all the way back to my head
on your chest
where i can hear your heart beating
i love you

wanted to talk to you
kept stumbling over my words
like they were too large rocks
on the gravel road that I'm running on
you got bored trying to figure out what i was struggling to say
so you walked away
couldn't figure out how to say
you make me feel safe

I am not so easily hurt
If my father's fists never could
Then a broken heart will not shatter me
I am Diamond and TItanium
If dozens of people's words never could
Then yours will not tear me down
I am sound proof
You cannot and will not touch me
In the violent ways you wish to
I am an opponent
made up of more
than you could have ever imagined

I loved them
and you know how i know
because i feel this ignorant tightness in my chest every time i see them
and I feel this pointless emptiness every time i remember they never loved me back

Tell me
Tell me how i got so hollow

the words 'make me better' erupted from my throat
he said he could not
i wept

We are young
But We are Strong
Inside our Heads
A War Wages On

We were made
Warriors too soon
Never had the chance
To grow
To bloom

In every moment
Of every day
I wish
I wish for things
I know I cant have
But that's the point of a wish isn't it
Wishes are a form of longing
And I long only for things that are not mine to have

Wow

I ****