My soul is ****** out
Through my soft lips
Down your throat
You seem so content
With it in your posession
I can't bring myself
To ask for it back

I love you
to the moon
to every planet beyond
the little rock that orbits us
to pluto!
to the next galaxy and the next
to a whole other universe
to a dozen of them
to the edge of time and space
and all the way back to my head
on your chest
where i can hear your heart beating
i love you

I am so stupid
I've checked my phone
5 times in the last 60 seconds
And I jump
Every time it lights up
Hoping it's a message from you
I've tagged you in 10 posts today
Thinking that maybe
You'll see them and message me
I am so stupid

I'll be ****** If I let History forget you
Those firey ringlets tucked behind your ear
And those ocean wave eyes
The galaxy of freckles across your shoulders
Your gentle smiles and knowing glances
I could cry to think that some day they may be erased
You'll live on forever in my words
Immortalized forever in my heart
That I've splayed for the world to see

In all the Millions of years people have existed
In all the Millions of years they have yet to live
Somehow
Somewhere inbetween
Was us

You were so beautiful
so loved
But what have you become ?
What has the seduction of evil made you ?
I can barely recognize my own brother
Years upon years, AN ETERNITY, we spent together
But I do not know this creature who stands before me
This world
The Heavens
Even I
Have nothing more you can take
Yet you still hunger
I fear that now there cannot be any redemption for you
If there was a spark of hope left
Even after all you have done to hurt me
I would kneel before father and grovel for your soul
But I know that my fears are truth
There is no redemption for what you have become
Do you understand?
I am his second in command
Just as you were his first
You cannot come home
And I cannot leave you here to wreak destruction over mankind
I must destroy you
And I pray I cease to exist in the process
For I do not want to live with my brother's blood on my hands

I am not so easily hurt
If my father's fists never could
Then a broken heart will not shatter me
I am Diamond and TItanium
If dozens of people's words never could
Then yours will not tear me down
I am sound proof
You cannot and will not touch me
In the violent ways you wish to
I am an opponent
made up of more
than you could have ever imagined

Sweet words fall from your mouth into my hard beating heart
You've been talking for hours and I never want to stop listening
Tell me more, always, tell me more
I want to know the insides and outsides of you
Like the hymns I bellow every sunday morning ever since I could remember
Etch yourself into my soft brain and my rigid heart
Even when you are gone I will never forget all those sweet words
You have given to me

Its been a few days since i last saw you
But Im still thinking about the little curls at the end of your hair
And the little crinkles next to your eyes
And
How my heart takes off when you smile

There is heartbreak ahead
I am bracing as if it will come
like a hurricane aboard a ship
There IS heartbreak ahead
and yet i still stumble
into your open arms
and wait for it to tear me to shreds

Why would i choose to stand
to fight
when im sure that the weight
that will not stop tugging at my sleeve
the weight of existing
would feel so much better
if i let it drag me to the ground
and pull me beneath the earth
let me be heavy
let me give up
let me end

Chain Smoking
Heavily and Deeply
Until You Dissociate
And Forget Why
You Were Stressed
In The First Place

You can plan a suicide
down to the seconds
I have
But in the end
I'll probably end up
Stabbing myself with a kitchen knife
and calling it a day,
a life

It's getting harder
to be alive
.
Maybe I should go

I don't know
If my words will be strong enough
to describe how much
I want you

I am throwing up
and i do not know
if its because
i am sick or
because you made me this way
jealousy retches from my body
but
my diseased mind
will not leave me

I would give everything I have
for you to be happy
my possesions
the body that holds me
my very life

I can feel no selfishness
while wading in your sadness
waist high,
suffocating at the thought
of your tears

I dont want to know far the depths of my love for you go
because all I know right now is that I want to put you safely away in my heart
and keep you there
and that alone scares me

I dont yet
want to define
what we are
with a single word
like
"together"

We are soft
and caring
We hold eachother up
when the other would have fallen
We are within eachother's heart
day and night

That is more than
"together"

You are the stars
that make my eyes twinkle
when i look at the night sky

He is the moon
that holds my tides
and makes my oceans come alive

And I will be the sun
Spreading warmth to you
everyday until i go out

I want you
everyday
I want the good things
and the bad
I want your soft and sweet
And your hard and jagged edges
I want you happy, sad, and angry
I want all of you
everyday
for as long as you will let me have you

You are like
stepping over the edge
and being caught
in strong, sure arms
when I was positive
i was going to hit the pavement

I feel like my chest is going to explode
with all the good things you make me feel
I don't think I can find any words
To explain this
other than that I am helpless
when it comes to you

My heart aches for lucifer
and all the love he could have known
if he had only been shown forgiveness

I keep writing messages and deleting them
and writing and deleting
and hoping I'll gain the courage to send one
to tell you how much I still care
how much I still hurt

You feel like a liar in sheep's clothing
like the husk of someone I never really loved

My heart is ******* pounding
just for you
just because the word baby slipped out of your mouth
and wrapped around me in the sweetest way
boy
you got me feelin a certain way

Im so mentally unstable right now
---
I just want blood
I want hands pulling my limbs from their sockets
I want to rip the hair from my head
And dismember every digit on my two hands
To have my intestines pulled from my body hand over hand
I want to be lying dead on the floor in a mess of parts you can't tell is me

How many years has it been
How many endless days of carving 'forget her'
into the soft tissue of my brain
of my heart

How much longer will it take

I've been thinking a lot about how many mouths have touched yours lately
and how
mine's not one of them

How many ways
can you tell a person
how empty you are

How many times
do you repeat yourself
before everyone
gets tired of listening

It's not big things, just small
Tiny fragments of a memory nearly gone
A comic you introduced me to
The blue flowers on the side of the road when spring is nearly over
I know its stupid to still do this
I don't even think of you anymore
Day to day you never cross my mind
But these things that remind me of you

oh peter
i am not naive
i see the way you look at her
you don't that for me
oh it must be love
and we both know its not
with us

your ex likes your tweet and you can feel yourself spiralling into the ******* abyss, your body is turning to dust and all that will be left is the thought that when someone says "emily" you still see her face

One:  Bury yourself in distracting things
Two:  Don't let the feelings come back

I don't think I know what love feels like anymore
Since all I can gather of it
Is equivalent to amputating your leg
Without anesthetic

I can feel it consuming me from inside
It's tendrils wrapped around my crumbling heart
Ripping sobs from my throat
It has made me weak

you just
you get drunk
and you think you're gonna pour your soul out into sad poems
but you've got no words to explain anything
you've run out of ways to say
"I don't feel anything anymore and I cry all the time and i feel like ****"
so
you just
you get more drunk

Everything means nothing to me
and
nothing is all i know

I am cavernous,
hollow,
barren.
Engulfed by an emptiness that can be described only as having a voluptuous sense of longevity

this emptiness
is all consuming
there will be nothing left

the words 'make me better' erupted from my throat
he said he could not
i wept

A hollow feeling creeps into my chest cavity
And I am lost

I'd nearly forgotten about you
Two years is a long time when you're so young
Then
You liked that picture
And everything came flooding back