I could
I would
I should
Ask
But something holds me back
Something stops me,
From walking into the unknown
And speaking your name

I long for contact but can't connect
Leaving myself unknowing and lame
If you were to sit there next to me
It would be..

Who am I?
I'm a messed up girl who tries way too hard.
I' m impulsive, moody, and really insecure.
I don't trust very easily, and I always think I'm about to lose someone.
I always see my flaws, and sometimes make them up.
I'll never think my stomach is small enough, or my smile is pretty enough, but I still manage to get one on my face.
I whine and complain, this is true.
Jealousy is my mortal enemy, along the few on my unfavorable list. Yes, I'm sure we all have a mental list of those who did us wrong.
I always want to make everyone happy, but I always think I'm just bothering them.
I'm shy underneath all these attempts to make you think otherwise. Being outgoing doesn't mean you're confident, and doesn't mean you're not shy.
I love with everything I've got.
When I fall, I fall hard, in a metaphorical and literal way. I'm quite a clumsy girl. Can't go a day without walking into some.
I'll make you angry, but I'll make you happy too.
You may want to just scream your head off at me, but I can also make you laugh.
Don't give up on me please, cause I'm still trying not to give up on myself.
I get really nervous at times. Full on panic attacks at others.
I'm extremely indecisive. I get distracted easily sometimes.
But I’m also a good listener, and will be here whenever advice is needed.
I hate being alone, afraid of it even. Sometimes I think it's fate though.
I’m rarely an open book, very hard to understand. I so badly wish to be understood though.
I’m scared of showing emotions, because experience has shown me they’re just no good to have.

In the end, I'm clearly imperfect.
But I'm working on it.

One day I might be strong
One day I may be graceful
One day I might just learn to breathe, let go and move on
One day I might not fear being alone so much, just because I know I can handle it
Yes I still hope someone will be there, by my side, someone who knows how much I've tried, changed and overcome.

Someday, I'd like to show you the girl I can be, instead of telling you about the girl I want to be.

I rode the train with my girl today
across the barn swept hollows
Past lush fields of emerald green
with the life and love that follows

The train car tapped out a lullaby beat
which spent our time lost in leisure
The smiles past came by in the peace
small sweet gifts we couldn’t measure

A man had set across the aisle of us
he seemed so different from me
Clothes tattered, torn and weathered
homeless and likely worn hard was he

I couldn’t help but to take the notice
his features hewn and deeply lined
Drawing a map of where he'd been
red eyed he looked half blind

Something alone in his vacant stare
said It was me that he resembled
The thought had taken me a-fright
I looked hard, long and trembled

I saw my lover look over him too
noticed the hair might be the same
Except for straggling beard and decay
I had felt a deep sense of shame

Could that be what would happen to me
what fallen angel had led him astray
A nightmare vision of life’s full truth
eyes of pain in the heart they betray

Then my lover looked back upon me
her thoughts she sought hard to repress
How kind her teared eyes that hid the truth
from her lips that would never confess

Tate

“Ring-a-ring-a-rosie,” we screamed
holding hands in circles. We laughed,
fell, tumbled when the end came
and rolled about in the thick grass.

Mothers would scold us and click
their tongues. Big sighs came;
we knew the games were over
and retired the evening inside.

At night I played the game myself,
pulled on my teddy bear’s arms
and loudly whispered the rhyme
as I danced around my room.

Like a possessed child I danced,
fully drunk in the night’s vigour
until there came the trumpets,
slowly gathering pace outside.

They became louder. So did I.
I twirled as the house shook,
span around me and laughed
until it all blurred violently.

The sound was deafening
much like my heart in my ears.
Ba-doomph. Ba-doomph.
The explosions rattled me

as wailings came and cawed,
but I carried on in my fever:
“We all fall down” I said, dizzy.
I knew I wouldn’t dance again.

Call a                          doctor/ plumber/ priest
My heart is               broken/ leaking/ deceased
My life is                   worthless/ so much better/ over
I'm going to              **** myself/ tell your wife/ Dover
How could you         leave me/ not know/ lie?
I hope you                return my stuff/ come back/ die
I'll never                   forget you/ forgive you/ go away
I need                        closure/ a DNA test/ to tell you I'm gay
Your                           face/ crotch/ top of your back
Is                                so beautiful/ lumpy/ unusually slack
Your                           ex/ mother/ best friend from school
Always made me      great coffee/ feel inadequate/ drool
I will                           miss you/ **** you/ stalk you forever
That way we can      be friends/ get away with it/ be together
I'm sorry                   you did this/ I did this /we failed
I promise to               pay you/ dye it back/ get you bailed
Please don't               leave me/ show the Polaroids/ write or call

(*delete as appropriate, just delete it all.....)

It's been broken and repaired so much
My heart is mostly glue,
But it still beats and it still loves,
I think it's stuck on you.