sacred and scared

-

*i sound so quiet when i ask you:
"show me what to do,
i just don't know what to do."

everybody always writes about eyes but god they haven't seen anything until they've met her
she has these eyes i know they'd talk about on tv if she was a movie star, i just know it

seatbelt clicks felt like a warning more than safety
god's booming voice
yelling i could **** you, i could click my fingers
his hands reaching through the clouds to choke me for sinking when i could swim  
if i wanted to badly enough.
but i can't really feel it anyway

i could feel anything if i let myself
if i wanted to badly enough
i'm lying just outside of a world i could probably face
if i wanted to badly enough.
im a little boy lying under sheets until i feel light and lights hitting little fingertips.
until i want light badly enough

somebody softly singing oh my heart, my heart
and i think about falling asleep
i think about nighttime air conditioning and bottled water
baltimore is lulling me to dreamland

there's something about that bed
and the way you talk about it like it's secure
not that i don't wish it was
i wish it was

there's something about how you only breathe smoke
and the way you make it look healthy
not that i don't wish it was
i wish it was

i'm using your favourite number as a reference again
for explaining why i fell in love
well what can you expect from a boy who sleeps twelve inches under his bed with a fireplace
to rest his head
to be closer to the ground and the sky at the
same time
and some days i'm using your birthday
when people ask me why i talk
the way i do
it's all i can think to say when
it's hard to get words out that don't have some
secret meaning
always leading back to you

i'm thinking about your name and everything i love

i'm lying here half drunk still with you next to me
  
im thinking "god, how can i be here?"
i'm realising that it's you
that your breath pulling your chest up and down isn't a dream

i'm thinking "god, this isn't something i'm wishing?"
you're really here and how could this be anything else.

i'm thinking, "god, this amazing girl."
you're somebody i never wanted to stop figuring out even for a second
and you're here

i'm thinking i want to know you inside out.
i'm thinking about your name and everything i love