she opens her eyes
to the frightening sight
it is nothing overly obscure;
just his face over hers
what are you doing here?
whispers
(it's been a long time since i've seen you;
i thought we would keep it that way.)
a fire exit by the window
headrush of memories
she never reached out for help
she knew it would be worse that way
whiskey on his breath
screams
silence
**darkness

she looks out the window.
the overcast skies reflect silver against her eyes.
beautiful.
ugly.
she'll never know.
being fed so many different stories.
it's raining again.
but it's alright.
it doesn't matter.
tear her from the inside out.
possessions.
shouldn't be under lock & key.
marks on her neckline.
can't you see it's a heavy burden to bear?
eons apart inside.
do you see how you are scarring her?
she sees you don't care.
she is broken.
it's your fault.

She's looking at me.
Who, you ask?
Why, me, of course.
She sees my eyes.
She sees my inner fears.
My beliefs.
My thoughts.
Everything I am made of.
Is her.
And is me.

Lies escape your lips
Consistently
It's unnerving
Nerve-wracking
Angering
Hurtful
And for the longest time
I let myself believe them
Little did I know
This was all a ploy
But you got what you wanted
Are you happy now?
I've always been there
But have you?
I feel slighted
The short end of the stick
Maybe you care
I don't either way

The moonlight in your eyes
Only attempts to hide the darkness inside
Your soul is blackened
Your heart is cold
Yet you remain to
Annihilate the pieces
You left behind
So many times before

Can't I just be myself
no matter who I want to be?

Can't I have my own opinions
no matter whose toes I step on?

Can't I do what I want
without having to bend or break the rules
without having to answer to anyone?

Can't I like who I like
without upsetting someone
because I am human and have feelings, too?

I wish I could feel something.
I wish I could literally
put into words
what I wish I could feel.
I feel nothing;
I am numb.
My thoughts
race
so fast,
I can barely keep up with them.

I am scared,
not of situations,
but of consequences.
I refuse to speak out.
I'm safe in my
self protection,
self control.

I've never been honest.
I've ignored everything,
and I'm beginning to learn
my limits
my fears
my favourite things,
that I thought I knew.
To find oneself,
how long does it take?

I've been hiding,
behind my mask,
lying to myself,
forcing feeling;
everything I've ever known.

But the **** truth is,
I still feel nothing.