Black arrow spins through
Cold winter air-catching breath
Cleaves the heart in two

This is a formal complaint to one Cupid
on behalf of the population of earth.

We find that you've become somewhat,
how can we put it mildly....
      unsavory
ever since you started drinking.  We've
found that you have not been taking
your job seriously at all since that time

We were understanding at first.  Your
job?  It's not an easy one.  It tolerates
almost no failure, and requires both
physical and mental capacity that is
beyond what most of us can spare.

However...we feel that the alcohol is
affecting your judgement and character
in a way that we can no longer accept.
Below, we've listed the particularly
heinous abuses of your power


1.  Taking bets on what you can make people fall in love with.  John is now smitten with a cactus while Jenny can't stay away from the inflatable Santa Claus on the Morgans' lawn.
2.  Having very attractive women fall in love for your...erm...personal pleasure.  That's just offensive
3.  Having members of the same family fall in love.  The vulgarity of it all is just appalling!  It's an ****** epidemic!
4.  Shooting your arrows at Rhinoceroses and then laughing as they charge a poor unsuspecting person is not funny.
5.  Likewise, shooting an unsuspecting person and having them fall in love with a Rhinoceros who doesn't reciprocate is equally unfunny
6.  Last, but not least...Please fix the Republican Candidates.  Mitt Romney and Rick ******* are trying to get married next week.  While I'm happy that they are now "for" gay marriage, this cannot be tolerated.


So?  Do you have anything to say for
yourself?  Is that alcohol I smell on your
breath?  You don't even care, do you?
Well...we have no choice but to revok---OW!

Oh dear.

You know...
Here's the thing.
I always felt that I had
a good head on my shoulders
right up until the point that I met you.
You took it off my body and you drop kicked
it into space where it's now floating somewhere just
outside of Jupiter's grasp.  The rest of me remains bound
to the gravity of the earth, but my head?  It's in orbit.
You make me see stars with your heavenly body.
Your eyes are black holes from which there is
no escape.  You've gone supernova, my love,
and I'm basking in the gamma rays of
your affection.  It's a good burn.  I'm
gasping for air, but it isn't due to
lack of oxygen.  You steal my
breath from me. It's OK,
though.  You are truly
out of this world,
and now I'm
with you
at last
.