It's one of those days....
I ******* this up, I ******* that up
*Why can't I do ANYTHING right?

I miss those nights when we would text till 2.AM.
Where have they gone?
It seems only yesterday I looked at the clock and replied "Whoa it's half-past 2!"
Now you're too busy...

Why is it
I do something right
And you don't notice
But when I mess up
You never let me forget....

Happy birthday mom
You're always there for me
And I always complain about you
But I have no right to.

You've been nothing but selfless
Nothing but kind
Patient and understanding, but I?
Rude and demeaning.

Thank you so much, and I wish you

A very  happy  birthday.

Music is beautiful.

Music unites so many people, it can also define them.

Music is another universal language.

Music is perfect.

Music has so many different categories. One for everyone.

Music as a whole cannot be justifiably hated.

Music is the reason why some people are still with us.

Music is infinite.

Music is food for the soul.

Music is everything, and yet it is so little.

Music is just notes arranged in an order.

But the order is beautiful.

And, just like a circle (of fifths), we're back to the beginning; music is beautiful.

Well this is new

You've broken my trust

You hurt me in ways I really didn't think possible
You've shaken my already fragile frame and broken it, shattered it, when I needed you most.

But then again

I was a naïve fool to think this wouldn't happen to me eventually.

I was a naïve fool to think that I could be so trusting.

I was a naïve fool to open up the way I did

I was a naïve fool to think I it wouldn't happen to me at all.

I was a naïve fool to think that I could be trusting at all.

And I was a naïve fool to open up at all.

Thank you for teaching me that lesson.

Well...here I go....
What will happen?
Will I get the help I so desperately need?
Or locked up in a psych ward?

My entire life path
Be free or be suffocated

Decided in less than an hour.

Suicide's too good for me.

I loved one before
and I thought I would never love the same way again.

But now, I see you in a new light
And it's happening all over again.

I want to cry
but I have no shoulder to cry on...

I want a hug
But I have no one to hug me...

I want some help
But I have no person to rely on...

Worst of all, I have one person to do all these things with,
*but I can't overwhelm them or I'll lose them

Yes, I'm fine. I'm all better now!
I wish...
Oh I'm sorry I let that slip, didn't I? Don't worry, I'm fine that didn't mean anything ;)

There's no such thing as a fresh start. You have one chance, only. ***** it up and you can never fix it.

Nothing to write
Nothing to say
Nothing that inspires
No thoughts gone astray

For weeks on end
I haven't entered this site
Nothing came to mind
I simply could not write.

But now my pen is fresh
With new ink, to stay
Now I have reason to write
Now I have things to say.

You.
When I think of you, I think of my happiest memories, as they were all with you, but they never do you justice;
How you could put a smile on my face no matter how down I was, or how you could, with a single kiss, light fireworks in my brain.
How I loved you, and still do.
You brought out the best in me, made me a good person.
You taught me that I should reach out more when I needed help, instead of bottling up (which I still do sometimes). You taught me that there's more to life than games and school.
I love you. Please come back.

How you set my world on fire....
I miss you.
Unlike some people, who love because they need,
I need you because I love you.

And nothing will ever change that.

Just one message from you, and suddenly 5 years of friendship are rendered virtually meaningless.
*Maybe we just weren't friends in the first place?

The knife was too short; it just missed my heart.
Well, that was a reality check.....

Some people
Are amazing listeners, following dreams they seem impossible
They may not know what to say
They're very forgiving, cherish them.

Others
Have been hurt so many times, but they
Know the best advice for you
Even if you don't, they're right
Hold them closely, because if you mess up, they may never trust you again

Some are blunt
They can infuriate you
But they're right as well
They're telling you what you need to hear. Heed their words.

Still others are quiet
They're overlooked easily
But they're amazing people
Get to know them, you'll never regret it.

Some are beacons of light
They know just what to say to cheer you up
They are deeply emotional
You need that influence in your life.

Then there are people like me
Who can't see themselves for who they are
Who can't see that it will ever get better
Who need help
who cry themselves to sleep and then have nightmares
Who want to die.
Help these people, when they're happy, you won't regret it.

Bodies start to rack up left and right
Your twisted ideal fueled by might
You're so wrong, you can't be serious
But as I watch you slowly turn delirious
*You can't play God anymore, Light.

I know you don't really care,
It's quite obvious, you see,
But I've fallen into disrepair,
This empty shell that is me.

Could you help me out?
One favor, for old times' sake?
And tell me, without a doubt,
Our friendship wasn't fake?

I thought you really cared,
And it broke my heart that you lied,
But life was never exactly fair,
And you don't know how much I've cried.

When I first met you
You took my breath away
Now it's all I can do
To let you just stay.

What if we took our favorite lines from poems, one line from each poem (one poem from each follower/every liked poem/favorite poems/your own poems/etc), and constructed a coherent poem from the lines? Probably a bad idea, but food for thought.

What is WRONG with people?!
Almost everyone I talk to
Has been in a horrible place
Or currently is
And we all mask it
Because one or two people hurt us
When so many more people need each other
So we suffer in silence
And I'm no stranger to this.

People are just so cruel.
So horrible.
So EVIL.

And even the kind people
make mistakes that hurt
And I've done that too.

But others deliberately hurt.

They cause us to close up.
They cause us to want to die.
They cause us to cry ourselves to sleep.
They cause us to suffer.
And they teach us what will happen if we're open about it.

They need to be punished.
They WILL be punished.
Even if I have to carry it out myself
I swear to everything I hold dearly,

THEY. WILL. NOT. GET. AWAY. WITH. IT. ANYMORE.

To question reality
To see horrible things
That you know in your brain aren't there
But break your heart all the same
Is a fate nobody deserves

*Nobody but me....

I've been reborn.
With a new life, comes a lot of things.
A new perspective.
A new love.
A new hope.
A new dream.
Most importantly:
*A new start.

Sunrise rays peek over the horizon
Illuminating the red-speckled landscape
Swaying in wind, flowing as the sea
Lovely, and symbolic.
The red rose stands out among the tulips and weeds.


Sunrise rays peek into the window,
Illuminating the bedroom in disarray.
The woman wakes up, half in her dream.
She dresses herself up, and leaves for work.
Her red dress stands out among the suits and coats.

Sunrise rays peek into the cave
Illuminating the dusty, smoggy rock
Sparkling and gleaming,
A diamond against coal.
The red jewel stands out among the shale and limestone.

Brick walls (not physical ones)  are there for the sole purpose to show how hard we want something.....
I want her back.
I want to be happy.
I want to not see things.
I want an optimistic perspective.
But how hard I try
I just can't do it...

They say brick walls (not physical ones) are there to show how hard we want something.
When I think of who I was this morning, I was a stranger in my body.
To my friends: you didn't help me, you helped me help myself. And today, I did just that.
I don't want to be happy.
I don't want to not see things.
I don't want these things anymore. I've achieved those goals.
And really, why cry over stuff? It's not my fault. You bully me, that's your issue. I'm not going to listen to you talk trash.
I don't see things anymore. Why would I bother focusing on them anyway? They're just there to distract me from life, and life is too short for that.
They also say that intelligent people have more depression-related issues. I'd take intelligence any day, because we're smart enough to (eventually) figure out how to get out of it. And that to me is worth more than just being happy, because I can become happy again if I become depressed. And today, I did just that.
I don't want an optimistic perspective anymore. I achieved that.
Most importantly, I don't want her back anymore. She never left. She was in my heart all along.



Signed,
Formerly pessimistic
Formerly depressed
Formerly schizophrenic
Formerly lost
Skye

One day, I'm begging for help, screaming and crying
Another day, I'm silent, knowing that I don't deserve it.

Thus, I end up getting help when I don't feel I deserve it and not getting it when I desperately need it.

*I hate rollercoasters like that.

I wake up in morning, feeling strong like bear.
I take off shirt to shower, chest is covered in hair.
I brush my teeth with *****, and drink all the rest.
That is the way I know that mother Russia is best.

Sometimes, being your friend
Demands a sacrifice
My happiness.
You have to point out
How everything is wrong
Can't you just
LET ME BE HAPPY?!
I'M HAPPY ALMOST NEVER
LET ME ENJOY IT FOR ONCE!

I'm scared
My pain is changing who I am...*for the worse

Every day after that
I cried for hours
I locked myself in my room
And isolated
I had nobody to talk to anyways
Then I found someone
Who I could talk to
And I could breathe again.

Knife?
Check.
Suicide notes?
Check.
Determination?
Check, check, check.

I slide the knife into my chest, smiling.
Blood spills out onto my shirt
But I feel fine!
I wait, but I appear to have missed.

Slowly, I pull the now blood-coated knife out.
Oh well, second time's the charm.

I hear my name called before I can try again

And that's how I'm alive right now.

I'm taking a chance
I'm leaving my shell today

*But will it be worth it?

I believe
That in times of extreme stress, be it physical, emotional, or mental
The mind retreats
And unconsciously moves through life
Because the conscious mind is no longer capable of doing so
I am at that point on two counts.

It's difficult to see through tears.
I would know.

The dream I'm so desperately chasing,
My only remaining wish,
The one thing I would die for?
Not going to happen.
It's simple statistics.

The goal so near yet so far,
My only purpose in life,
The one thing I can't live without?
Not going to happen.
It's simple statistics.

The reward unlike any other,
My only hope and dream,
The one thing that actually matters?
Not going to happen.
It's simple statistics.

The most important thing,
My only remaining hope
The one thing I truly need?
Not going to happen.
*It's simple statistics.

There's something missing,
Something lost.
We never speak about it, but we both know it's there.

Something that we both so desperately need.
It's just not fair. It really isn't.
Something that we can help each other with.
Why does everything have to be so wrong?
Something that will make us happy.
Nothing ever goes the way it should.
Something that will solve all our problems.

But it won't happen. And I don't think either of us knows why.

I couldn't stay
I so very wanted to
But I literally couldn't
And I'm sorry

I couldn't stay
I so very wanted to
But I literally couldn't
And I'm sorry

I'm sorry
I messed things up....
But I think it's already too late....

Le Chatlier's principle only goes so far-
My system will not return to equilibrium.
There is too much stress-socially, academically.
Emotionally.

*What is one to do?

I am struggling to get the words out
They are starting to feel empty, and forced

Poetry shouldn't be like that.

Poetry should be as natural as breathing
As flowing as air currents

It should pour out with power, with purpose
Unrefined, but beautiful
Not in spite of it, but because of it.

And that is getting difficult to do.

Fiery Reds dimming to a glimmering glow in the sky
Clouds stifling their cries with a light rain only slightly quenching the agony the fire left in them
They burn in the moonlight
Jagged scars on the moon giving it a sinister smile,
Invisible to those who see with their eyes
Bright as day to those who know how to look
Causing the shiver down your spine when you're alone at night
The feeling of breath on your neck when nobody is apparently there
The unrelenting fear persisting through the most spectacular of times and the most devastating of events
The loneliness seeps through my eyes
My ears
My nose
My mouth
It's everywhere
Eating me inside and out, destroying all that's left
*Where is the end?

the*                                                             ­        must
     angel                                                          ­      love
          of                                      ­                             the
                wind                                     ­                       sky

                                   ­                          __        
____---------------------                   --------------------

for when                                                     so does the rain
       the wind dances                                          so do the leaves
           so do the clouds                                            and so does the air


the                                                                  for
  angel                                                               win­d's
   of                                                                  ­ path
     wind                                                             winds­
    must                                                              and
   love                                                               twi­sts
  infinity                                                              forever

-------------__-----------------------------­------------------

The angel of wind?                                             I hope she is happy
                            she must be violent             up in the sky
         for tornadoes                                                twisti­ng and churning
                               and cyclones                      I hope the life she brings
     do the earth                                                     through windswept seeds
                             lay bare.                               Grows in her heart.


-----------____--------------------­-------_-_



                                   the angel of wind is one of redemption
--

All everyone talks about is "you'll need this in the future, you'll regret doing that in the future, prepare for the future, blah, blah blah, blah blah."
I can't see ahead, I really can't.
So why do I have to put up with this?
Leave me alone, I can work just fine by myself.