Are you being honest?
Or are you telling me what you think I want to hear?

Do you think I just don't care?

Don't you see how much it hurts to know you're suffering?

And not be able to do anything about it?

Let me help you...

I know I've made mistakes....
And that's why you don't trust me....
But you deserve happiness....

What do you DON'T deserve is all the suffering you deal with.

I don't think you understand.

When I'm talking to you, my problems are melting away
Because I'm scared for you
And want to help you
If only you'd let me in



But then again
You'd know what's best for you

And I haven't been the best of friends
I've broken your trust and lied to you
I wouldn't trust me if I were in your position right now either.
But I still wish you did....because I care and want to help
But lately every conversation we have leaves me more and more confused about how you're doing.

*Feel better soon!

Finally, a sweet sweet break from the horror :)

The number of things looking up for me today....
I'm not locked in a psych ward and everything went well.
I haven't seen anything that wasn't there so far.
And, I imagine, when I squeeze my eyes shut tonight in wait  for the nightmares, when I open them, it will be morning, and I will not have had nightmares at all.

Well...here I go....
What will happen?
Will I get the help I so desperately need?
Or locked up in a psych ward?

My entire life path
Be free or be suffocated

Decided in less than an hour.

Knife?
Check.
Suicide notes?
Check.
Determination?
Check, check, check.

I slide the knife into my chest, smiling.
Blood spills out onto my shirt
But I feel fine!
I wait, but I appear to have missed.

Slowly, I pull the now blood-coated knife out.
Oh well, second time's the charm.

I hear my name called before I can try again

And that's how I'm alive right now.

The knife was too short; it just missed my heart.
Well, that was a reality check.....