If you're suicidal, keep reading. This highlights my experiences when I was in such a place, and you may find help.
If you're suicidal:
I'm not going to tell you NOT to **** yourself. But I ask that before you do so, at least read this paragraph and attempt some of this advice.
Suicidal thoughts are completely normal. They're caused when pain exceeds the available resources for coping with pain. Naturally, this would cause suicidal thoughts. But it's OKAY.
You're not a bad, weak, or crazy person. Some people have different tolerance levels for pain. It doesn't make you a weak or bad person if you're less tolerant than someone else.
If you're still reading this, good for you :) Stick with me for a little while longer.
When I was suicidal, that was it. There was nothing else that I wanted more than to die.
I wanted to die, die, die.
I'm a worthless person. A stupid person. A horrible person (because no good person would deserve this torture. I'm an abomination, to be wiped clean off the face of the Earth. That's my purpose.
Those were the types of thoughts running through my head, 24/7.
All of those were wrong. And if you believe any of the above apply to yourself, keep reading.
You're not worthless, you're quite the opposite.
You're priceless.
Intelligence doesn't matter a bit compared to personality.
You're not a horrible person. Even if you did something bad, it's not like you killed someone. You are worthy of forgiveness, if you did something. Bad things happen to good people a lot.
If you didn't, then ignore that last part. (Thanks for sticking with me so long :) )
You're not an abomination. You're a unique individual, who has a purpose in life. What is it? That's for you to figure out (hint: it's not killing yourself).
Okay, this is what I recommend you do. Give yourself a deadline. 24 hours, a week, even a month. Tell yourself that you won't do anything until you hit that deadline. During this time, find someone you trust. Anyone (who you know won't go to a therapist or rush you to a hospital). If you REALLY can't find anyone, message me. I'll listen, and I promise I won't judge :)
During the time period, think of all the good things that happened to you. And don't say "Nothing." That's impossible. Summer vacations with family? Family bonding experiences? Hanging out with friends? Your first time swimming? When your sports team won/you found out your crush liked you back? All of these. Think about how happy you were. Now, don't make a plan to get yourself out of the depression (Everyone would get themselves out of a depression ASAP if they could do it that easily). I want you, instead, to imagine what your past-self would think if they saw what you were contemplating right now. Imagine what they would say, and listen to your own advice.
Finally, I recommend calling a suicide hotline.
As a last resort, and I mean LAST resort, imagine what your death would do to your family and friends (Don't lie, I guarantee you 100% there's someone out there who cares about you). Imagine how devastated they would be. Then imagine you causing it. Would you do that to them? Could you honestly live with yourself (no pun intended) knowing that you did that?
If you're still reading, congratulations :) stay strong, and find more resources to cope with your pain. There are so many things to live for, so many things to see, or do, that you (likely) haven't experienced yet.
Feel better soon! :)
(P.S. If this cheers you up, just know that it's likely that you WILL live through this. It's statistically true. Even people who feel as bad as you do, and quite possibly people who feel WORSE than you.)
Obviously this isn't a poem but I figured that advice best comes from people who have experienced the same thing as others.