Send me off through a portal to another dimension
Cause I just want to be alone
Send me off to a world another world that I have never seen
Cause here I don't feel at home
Send me off to a place where I can discover
Cause here is bland it isn't beautiful
Send me off to a world where I can be touched and loved
Cause that's something that I've felt

Often where I am
I feel I'm in a cage
Wherever I go I see the blank stares of people around me
I try to be myself and crash through and change what's around me
But then the people talk and then they walk
And ask me what ******' planet I'm on

That's why I wanna be
Sent off through a portal to another dimension
To see if the nelophines really exist
Sent off to explore the sencocreptious fields
And pick the ljuki off the gursi tree
Sent off to the celphines so that they can play with me
God knows I'll eventually learn how to
Sent off to be the savior of shanokadadaaa
So that I can finally be loved and adored

They look at me and they spit on me
They see nothing and they spit because to them that is vile
Now I'm somewhere where I'm not supposed to be
Caught up in the lie
Caught in the black in white caught
Caught
Caught
Caught
Caught
Caught
Caught
Caught
Caught
Caught
I'm drifting to a world where I don't belong

I'm now through the portal to another dimension
And now I feel so much more alone
Now I'm in a world I've never seen
It is here that I feel more at home
Now I'm in a place where I can discover
The question is if I want to
Now I'm in a world I can be touched and loved
At least that's how I believe

Please let me be
I know that the flaws in me
Are eminent
I know that it makes me into a worse person
But for once in my life please let me be

I'm not trying to put up a front
Not trying to hide from the world
There is a difference between being lonely and alone
And I am stuck in limbo between the two

How can I feel so trapped
Like I'm falling into the dark
A dark that has no one there
A dark with silence
I constantly struggle to escape
I yell for help but no one comes
And then I feel hollow
Nothing but me and my delusions
Please let me be

I stare into a painting of a child
The child is with his mother
Or his grandmother
But with a family nonetheless
I look right into that child's eyes
And I see nothing but the emptiness
That I have
I look deeper to see if I can pull it out and **** it
But I can't
Please let me be

Run away quickly
Little boy before they grab you
Run quick before it is too late
Run into that dark corner over there
They'll never find you there
Stay there be safe
Don't let them find you
Don't ever let them find you
Please let me be

Don't let them find you
Little boy they'll pull you out
And beat you and spit on you
Like they did when they found you last time
So stay in that dark corner
Stay and don't run out
Please let me be

Strumming on his guitar
He plays a rhythmic blues
He sings out his outburst
To the crowd he doesn't face

You will feel protected, safe and small
Isolated from the cruel world around you
No wars, bombs, ***, racism
Immersed in a protective shell
Nothing but that protective shell

You will feel aware, smart, and powerful
Isolated from the cruel world around you
Wars, bombs, ***, racism
No big deal
Immersed in a protective shell
Nothing but that protective shell

You will feel putrid, hate, and nauseated
Isolated from the cruel world around you
Wars, bombs, ***, racism
It's all thanks to the ******* poor, rich, stupid, smart, and corrupt
Immersed in a protective shell
Nothing but that protective shell

You will feel useless, pathetic, and weak
Immersed in the cruel world around you
Wars, bombs, ***, racism
It's a cruel world we live in
Broken from that protective shell
Nothing left without that protective shell

I'm tired of you looking at me like that
Like you've got some superior knowledge
That I don't know nor understand

You come to me and tell me
You don't want to live anymore
That life is too much for you
That it's so so so unbearable
That you feel smothered
Choked
Suffocated
And because of that you can't live anymore

So
Because you know and can easily see
How bad the world is
You want to go home
And do yourself in
That because you feel
That your life has been so miserable
Compared to the others

I have some bad news for you
If you take your own life
You're cheating

How is it fair that you
Are able to do yourself in
While having all of the rest of us
Live out lives that are fit to be miserable
Your not the only one living in misery

All the rest of us have sucky lives
We have a void that can't be filled
And because your void is so much more
Important than the rest of ours
You have to blow your brains out

You cheater
We feel all this misery
This lack of fulfillment
And we don't blow our brains out
We don't say well can't have that guess that's it

And you probably expect me
To comfort you
To tell you that everything is
Going to get better
Well guess what
It isn't
That void is always going to be there
And you are never going to be able to fill it

So you're probably wondering what to do now
Deal with it
Because everybody in the world has a void
That will never be fulfilled
And everyone else living in the world
Deals with it
So you just need to
Deal with it
I hope you get better
And come to terms
With that soon

Do I have any talent in poetry?
Can I write a good series of monometers?
Let’s
See
They’re
****
Are those even monometers?
How the hell should I know?

Maybe I can write a decent enjambment
Let it flow with no punctuation
Let it soar with no interruption whatsoever
Let it flow let it flow let it flow
Ah **** it!  
Flowing is for sissies!
Let’s punctuate this *******!  
Let’s add lots of **** to this!
Maybe, perhaps, supposedly!
All these worthless pathetic lines!

These are the things
That people may love
These are the things
That people may define as talent
This **** I made
They may say
I made from my talent
But to me
It is a massive piece of crap

Let’s add more **** to this!
Let’s add themes!
Love, darkness, hatred, abuse!
I’m sorry I left you baby, please come back!
It feels so black in this cruel horrid world!
*******!  *******!  *****! ****! I hate you!
Hit me again!  Hit me again you ******!

These are the things
That people may love
These are the things
That people may define as talent
This **** I made
They may say
I made from my talent
But to me
It is a massive piece of crap

If that isn’t talent then what is
You may ask
I answer this with a laugh
Poetry takes no talent
You silly fool
It is a simple sharing of heart and soul
Why lower it to a talent
It’s demeaning
It’s sickening
It makes me want to *****
Close your eyes
Let it take you in
Love it
Hate it
Praise it
**** it
Cleanse it
Vulgarize it
Whatever you like

If you ever want to be
A talented poet
Then don’t take my advice
Use structure
Use themes
Make your voice easily heard
But at the same time silent


These words
That people may love
These are the things
That people may define as talent
This **** I made
They may say
I made from my talent
But to me
It is a massive piece of crap
And really doesn't need talent.

Look at you!

I'm angry all the time
Constantly trying to smile
Hiding all the pain that's inside
Twisting and pulling me
Tug of war between
The days where I sob and the days that I scream

Look at you!

Started when you left
When I picked apart
Every little thing that I felt was wrong
When all was right

Look at you!

Asked you if you loved me
You said yes
Things were lovely
Musical
Flowing
You were an angel
Smiled every time I made a joke
Loved me when I needed most
Guided me in all my problems
Lead me out just in time
You led me to a cave of gold
And let me take all the gold I wanted
But I thought I could have more
Thought I deserved more

Look at you!

Asking you
Begging you
Telling you
Ordering you
To tell me that you love me
Tell you that if you don't respond to me once
I'll lose it
Read it wrong
Pick it apart
And end it
Just to show you I'm in control

Look at you!

Convinced myself that you depend on me
Only desire me
Only want me
Only need me
I control you
I own you

Look at you!

You listen to what I say
Without me you are nothing
Don't turn your back on me
I do everything for you
And if you leave all that goes away
To be with me has a price
And if you don't like it you can leave
But you'll be nothing
You'll go and cry and be miserable
All the time
Because without me
Your life has no meaning
You can't do a single thing without me

Look at you!

Now I'm all alone
She's not around anymore
Standing at a mirror pacing around
Emotions fluxing thinking what I've done
I had you once
And now you're gone
Now I'm the one who is alone
I'm the one who doesn't know
What to do next
I still have all the gold
But I don't know what to do with it
Wondering if my life has meaning
Maybe but now I actually have to think about it
Now I'm the one who is crying
The one who feels confused
Because I thought I should have more
Now look at me now
Look at me now

Look at you!

What makes a brother
Is it covering ones back?
I tend to doubt that
Telling him that
"Yes, because I love you, everything not allowed by our parents can be allowed by me"
Is not what makes a brother

I've failed you in the past
I've have not been a good role model
The words I wrote on the board in the past
Were mired with ****
Now while I'm figured out
You're on a downward spiral
And because of me
You don't even know it yet

It ***** to know that when
I'm trying to be a good brother for once
You tell me that I'm not a real brother
That I'm only the pet of Mom and Dad

Whatever you say I won't care
The difference between me and you
Is that I'm not the one that is
Falling behind the curve
And I know that every
Tough decision I make
Pushes you forward
Because I know
How to push you forward
Instead of back
And you can kick
And scream
And whine
All you want
But ****** you're going forward
Because I owe you that

What makes a brother
Is to correct you when
You're steering in the wrong direction
And even though you might hate me now
I hope you'll understand later on

When it was simple
My life was simple
Yes my life had life to it
It was fun to have fun

When it was simple
You first looked at me
And gave me a smile
Maybe you thought I was silly
Maybe you thought I was fun
But regardless something sparked

When it was simple
The hardest task was to tell one another
That we liked each other
That we felt something that one another
Did not quite feel before

When it was simple
We couldn't even dance
With one another
The nerves of the skin of my hands
Touching the smooth sensation of your shoulders
Was too much for me
The ability to look in your eyes
Too blinding
The smell of your hair
Brushing against my nose
Too perfect of an aroma to fathom

When it was simple
You were so nervous
You couldn't be in the same
Vicinity as me
The excitement too much for you
You left and came back
And told me later that you were sorry

When it was simple
I nervously gave you
A kiss on the cheek
You were petrified
Never feeling these experiences before
You told me later that you
Didn't want to move too fast

When it was simple
I made a massive mistake
And decided to end it abruptly
And go with another girl
But you took me back
With open arms
But I was a liar
And made things more tougher
But we were still there the whole time
It seemed tough but it was still simple

When it was simple
You were nervous to kiss me
Not wanting things between us to get messed up
When looking back it now seems kinda true
But the sensation between our lips and tongue
Were simply too good to resist

Now things that once seemed complicated and rich
Seem like pure simplicity
With each repetition of it
Be slower and more simpler

As for us
After all that we've done
To each other
It will be hard for us
To go back again
And although this is all seen as simple
For me it doesn't lose its richness
Maybe it does for you
Since I've caused so much damage to you
But perhaps you can go back
And find the richness of it
But I don't know
All I do know is that
Any pain helps when you can at least remember
When it was simple

Going out to the club
I know I'm going to have a good time
I just know it
I'm attractive
Muscular
In the best shape of my life
I have brown puppy dog eyes
And a face to compliment it
Yup off to the club
Cause I know I'm gonna hit that

Using what I learned
I'm all ready to get it at the club
Walk up to a girl say
"What up I got a big ****"
She slapped me in the face
Not a smooth attempt
But I'll get it next time!

Moving on to the next girl
Her eyes look at me
Like a seductive tigress
Fierce
Predatory
Hot
Oh yeah this is happenin'

"Hey girl how you doin?"
"Doin' fine big boy!  How 'bout yourself?"
"Doin' **** baby doll!  You be lookin' hot!"
"You not lookin' so bad yourself big boy!"
"**** straight!  Care to dance?"
"Pssh!  No one be dancing yet!  No one be drunk yet!"
"Who needs to be drunk!?"
"Well I do.  Why don't you buy me a drink big boy?"
"I don't drink and neither should you!"
And that's when she turned away uninterested
Ignoring me for the rest of the night
Who needs her
We don't need alcohol!

Turns out to have a good time
We need alcohol
Cause no one else acts clearly
But I can't drink!
Not out of religion!
Or the law!
Just can't not my thing
So far having a miserable time

I'm a sweaty mess
Not hitting any girls
It was fun when they were sober
Because now they lose their attitudes
All inhibitions are off
All are now the same personality

Now they begin to dance
Guys move behind them
***** rubbing ****
**** rubbing *****
Faster
Faster
Faster
***** pumping out
Flying everywhere
*** on guy
In the pant crotch area
The club smells like sweat and ***** and alcohol

The more good times they have
The drunker they get
The more they seem to drift off
What they gain in ****
I lose in fun

"I wanna *******!"
"Excuse me?"
"I wanna ******* big boy!"
"Sorry I'm not in the mood."
"How big is that ****?"
I'm hard
Why am I hard?
**** I shouldn't be hard!
"Ooo you're big, I wanna ****!"

Everything I came here for
In front of me
But it's wrong!
She's wasted!
I can't do this!
Why didn't this happen earlier!
But I wanna ****!
I should do it anyway!
"Give me an answer babe!  Yes or no."
Spinning spinning I have to say it

"No.... I can't, you're drunk"
"Hell yeah I'm drunk!  Take advantage of me!"
"Please don't.  I honestly have no idea what I'm doing"
"I'm gonna go dance with someone else"
"******* man!  You're *******!"
And ***** is now on my shirt
That is just great

Get home from club
Think about my chances of getting laid
Then realize that maybe that that isn't what I wanted in the first place
Maybe that lifestyle isn't me
Even if I wanted it to be
For just a night
Probably good that it isn't
Cause I'd **** at it

Hearts made of glass
Fragile
Bright
Translucent
Small enough to hold in the palm of our hands

The glass is expensive
Irreplaceable in fact
Each type of heart is crafted
Each in different shapes
Sizes
Curves
Carefully crafted and molded
From two other glass hearts
That became one

It is given to us
As gifts
The twinkle in our eyes
Glows as we receive ours

The glass hearts react
To many different feelings

In sadness it takes the coating
Of your tears
And when it fades it hardens
And becomes stronger

When anger hits it
The glass heart will melt
Unable to take the heat

In happiness it will twinkle
Allowing it to shine through
The eyes of others

But as we grow older
We begin to learn
How we care for our hearts

Some of us are careful
Holding our hearts dearly
Cherishing it
So that it can be
Seen by all
Reachable by all
Available to view and to see
The insides and the outsides

Some of us are careless
Recklessly lending it to others
Throwing it
Shaking it
Using it for the wrong purposes
Until one day it breaks
And it needs to be fixed
The glass is fixable but
It never quite returns to its former translucence

The saddest of all though is when
We pretend it doesn't exist
It's when the glass heart fogs up
Not allowing others to see inside
The twinkle once there disappears
Replaced with something solid
The curves still there
The size still there
But in actuality what made something there
Is gone
It stays that way
Until one day
It shatters
And cannot be repaired

The gift of the glass heart
Must be remembered
It is fragile
Which makes caring for it hard
And though we can hate it for its fragility
We love it because of its translucent beauty
We love it because it makes the eyes on others smile and well as ourselves
We love it because it's us
And it's us that should never be clouded

Stand over me
And mock my pain
I'm easy to make fun of
It isn't that hard
Laugh when I cry out
Remember when I lost my ****?
It was easy to laugh

My life falling apart right before my ******* eyes
Seeing important parts of me
Parts that I believed in
Completely fall apart
Was your ******* joke

These things meant a lot to me
Maybe not to you because you don't get it
No one truly does
These people see one thing
And believe it's something else
That there isn't more to it

"It isn't a big deal
It doesn't have to be this way
Just stop!"
******* I'm not going to stop!
I have a grasp on something!
I need to keep going!
"You're losing your ****!"
No they're losing their ****!
They're being so ******* stupid!
How can they be so stupid!
They want me off their back
Then they should stop before
I lose my ****!
"You've already lost your ****!"
Well maybe I don't give a ****
That I lost my ****!
"There's better ways to handle this!"
No there isn't I need to do this
I need it
I can't stop it
Other people can help it
I can't!
They hurt me!
They are ******* hurting me!
"You're hurting yourself
You need help!"
No No NO!
I'M NOT LISTENING TO YOU!
I DON'T NEED TO LISTEN TO YOU!
"You're pacing around the bathroom
You've been doing it for hours
That's not normal"
SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'LL **** THEM UP!!!!!! I'LL SHOOT THEM IN THE ******* HEAD!!!!!! I'LL STAB THEM IN THE HEART!!!!!!!!  I'LL BASH THEIR BRAINS IN!!!!!!!!  They deserve everything that they are going to get!
"Fine then!  You've lost me and I am not coming back!"

Watch the turmoil and laugh
It's funny
It's hilarious
Uproarious
If you can't stomach that then
Smile
Snicker
It's easy to do, isn't it?
Isn't it?

Dear Katrina
I don’t like how much you drink
It makes my heart sink
Every once in a while I think about you
And I don’t blink
I just think
And stop and stare
And I remember just how much you cared
When I was suffering
The pain that I once felt
It was smothering
But you were there

From the beginning to the end
I know that these rhymes are cheap writes
But you were my friend
One of my guiding lights
And when I see you now
I just don’t know how
You became the way you are at the present
Hooking up, drinking up night by night
Acting more and more like a depressant
It’s painful to watch
Worse than a knee to the crotch

You were different than the others
In so many ways
Only hanging out with who people called retards
Did it on all days
You were kind, brave and smart
Sometimes sweet but most times ****
And people didn't get it
They never saw what you did as art
They saw it as another girl trying to be better
A self-righteous woman who never corrects her own errors
This is why I write the poem hence
Trying to find a way of how you are now makes sense

You had some family issues
Your mom and dad had the disease too
Your dad an extra disease though
Skin cancer to suffer through
And you yourself had your issues no less
Diagnosed with diabetes
A disease you’ll forever possess
And I understand that you deal with a lot of stress
With the bickering and fighting between your parents and you feeling oppressed

When I think now I realize you were picked on quite a bit
In your adolescence
Snickered at down the hall
By our fellow pubescence
“She’s a *****, **** and ****!” said a student down the hall
And you pretended to not care
Until you went home to your Facebook wall

The plot now thickens
Posting vague statuses about others
As quick as the dickens
“I had it with this *******!
I had it with that *******!
God I hate this school!
These people are useless
And have no soul!”
You were emotional
And it was easy to understand
They bullied you because you were unique when they wanted to see the bland
But you took that fire too far
And accidentally hit a wire
And began to end up hitting people with friendly fire

The more you posted the harder it got to defend
Slowly and slowly losing friend after friend
Until you only had too few left
And then some part of you seemed to be carried off in a theft

At this point you and my readers may think that I am hypocritical
And the more they may read this poem the more they may get cynical
But this is not a sneak attack, no jump, no shock
Nor am I writing this poem for ******* to gawk
I’m writing this because right now because I love you
I don’t think I’m stronger, nor anymore above you
I was weak too until you pulled me out
I’m just doing the same for you this is what this poem is about
I know it’s said I shouldn’t pull out a splinter when I got a plank
But if we all didn’t help cause of it we’d all be blind and the world more rank

We went away
Up to college and we swore that day after day
We’d remain friends
And now I feel like I’m in a reality that transcends
Between my life and another
One that is harder to recover
Seeing the pain
Of seeing you going off the wall and insane
Hooking up often with guy after guy
Not knowing why
Too drunk and too high to get by
Living the life you said
Now I feel so misled
How can you living a life
If you’re too high or drunk to remember it

I’ve seen people do it before
My uncle lived that life never closed the door
Until he died by alcohol poisoning
Girlfriend came home before 4
You see he did it not for fun but because he suffered
His father told him that he didn’t love him
He never recovered
He just drowned in sorrow
Hoped that death would come tomorrow

You see I don’t want you to end up like that
Hating life more and more constantly feeling the attack
Of hate, sorrow, pain, depression
And turning to alcohol and *** as a reliever and obsession
Today I’m writing in rhymes because it makes it harder to think
About how you fell in love with the ******* drink
I watch
As you take a scotch
You sigh and take a breath
Take a sip and begin to drown
Drinking yourself to death
And I pray day by day
That someone will save your life
And make you realize that what you’re doing
Is causing your friends strife
You I know you, care for you, and love you very much
And after you read this poem I hope we still can keep in touch

They're *******
Get over it

I sit down
On my privileged white boy ***
Spinning around in my black chair
And think of a poem to write

How could I not think of anything that I can write about?
There are so many topics and problems of the world!
Love
Hate
Drugs
Alcohol
Adolescence
Birth
Death
******
Retribution
Revenge  
Racism
Sexism
*** in general
****
Feminism
****
The one percent
The ninety-nine percent
Books
Poems
And many more but I'll break down why I can't think of these

Love
Cliche topic
Written my say about it
Already
Already have so many poems
On that topic
I don't wanna do the boring old
Topic tonight

Hate
Now there's a topic I haven't covered
But like love
It's cliche
Skip that for tonight
I don't have a say on the matter now
Other than I hate people who don't like me

Drugs
I've never touched a drug
I've met people influenced by drugs
But not that well
Can't write about
How good they are
Maybe how bad they are
But I don't know people well enough
Who can teach me how bad they are
So I'll move along

Alcohol
**** I'm lame
A poet who has never
Gotten drunk once
I'm a shame to the poetry community

Adolescence
It ******
Girls didn't like me very much
My crotch itched all the time
Wanted to *******
About twenty times a day
A different day to write about that

Birth
Don't remember it
I've had rebirths
But I don't think that counts

Death
My grandma died!
Oh, but I didn't know her very well
It'd be quite false to lament
That much about it

******
Why even bother
Never murdered
Have wanted to ****** on plenty of occasions
But only to the extent that everyone else does
Not interesting enough
Next

Retribution
O.K well I can talk
A lot about that
But not in the mood

Revenge
Isn't that similar
To retribution?
Why'd I even list that?

Racism
I'm white
Can't get much better than that
I get socioeconomic benefits
Which makes me a pretty lucky guy
And plus
If I were to be called a *****
On the streets by a person
It really wouldn't ruin my day

Sexism
I'm a man
I get the benefits of being a man
More pay
More respect
Yup got nothing to write about there

*** in general
Well I'm a ******
Ain't I pathetic
So unless you want
A sloppy description
Of how awesome it feels
To get my **** wet
Then I'm not gonna bother

****
I've never been *****
And I'm a pretty strong guy
In general
I've never experienced ****
Nor known someone really well
Who has been *****
And it's pretty obvious
**** is bad
So there isn't that much else
To say about it

Feminism
I agree equality for women is awesome
Equal pay
Equal respect
But I think changing the spelling
From woman to womyn
Is a bit bizarre.....
To touchy a topic
Don't wanna lose the female audience
No writing of that tonight

****
There's a lot of it
Out there
Most people agree
That it disrespects women
And desensitizes men to the
Idea of ****
So I really don't have
Much to add in this matter
Other than to not really use it

The one percent
They're rich
They make more money than you
We learned in economics
If we had total equality
We wouldn't be efficient
Although at the same time
More middle ground should be made
I'm sure they aren't greedy *******
In total though

The ninety-nine percent
They have every right
To be completely angry
But I already covered them
In my last poem
So ***** that for tonight

Books
Who doesn't love to pick up
And read a good book
But why change it to a poem
Doesn't that **** with the writer's
Original intention and could scope the message?
Shouldn't we leave it to the lit crits to take care of that?
I think it does
I'll move on

Poems
I think I'm already talking about that

There he is!
The man in the suit and tie!
Grab him!  Tackle him!
Strip him of all his clothes!
He's indignant!  Look at his face!
Humiliated!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
****** pound him!
Pound his ****** face in the dirt!
Slam it!  Slam his head!
Against the pavement!
SLAM IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Claw his back!
Scrape every lair of skin off him!
Nails aren't enough!
Give me the knife!
OOOOOOOO look at the little man cwy!
CWY LITTLE MAN CWY!!!!
There are more of us than there are of you!
And that's why you mean nothing!
Skin him!  Skin him! Skin him!
**** it hurry and skin the ******!
So we can move on!
**** him!  **** him! **** him!
Shove it up his ***!
Look at him cry!
Pathetic!!!!
Worthless!!!!
Is he begging?!!!
Beg more *****!
I want you to beg!
Beg for death!
Beg for it *****!
BEG FOR IT!!!!!!!!
Hahahahah you convince me!
Bash his head in!
*******!!!!
Look at his brains split open!
It's all over the pavement!
We won my friends!
Today was a victory for the masses!
Now we can go home victorious!
Raise our ****** fists to the sky!
Today was a proud day for us all!

I come from a city
That the angel of death
Had touched
With its shadow

The homes
Lay broken
Abandoned
Torn to pieces
By decay
By ware
Tear

It was a city
Once so great
Bustling with cars
People
Well paved roads
Large buildings
With one of the strongest economies
That a city could have

But that was a thing of the past
That ended long ago
Now the city bustles with desperate
People
Broken roads
Run down buildings
Barely latching on to the money that it has
It is the one of the worst hellholes
That a city could have

I live in the rubble
Surrounded by wires
Steel
Brick
Dirt
I heard it was once
A massive building
Where manufacturing was conducted
But that's over and done with now

My family was
Once prosperous
My father rich
My mother satisfied
They bought me gifts
I lost those gifts
And they could easily be replaced
Now the gifts are gone
And can never be replaced

My clothes are torn
Grime starting from
My toes covering all
Of my face
Body
Teeth missing and rotten
With decay

I sleep in
This miserable *******
Doing nothing all day
But find food
Ward off scavengers
*******
And sleep

One night
I slept in the corner shadow
Of a warehouse in the rubble
And experienced a vision

It was of a raven-haired angel
Dressed fully in black
With black glistening eyes
She was clean
Untouched by grime
And had a sweet smell
That had not come in my senses
For a long time

She put her soft hands
On my grimy face
And immediately
The grime had melted away
She dressed me
In fine clothes
And for once
Comforted me
Told me that everything
Is going to be ok

She touched my face again
And said with those sparkling eyes
That her name is Chicago
And that she wants me to live
In a paradise that she built
She told me
She will lead me there
Where I will be safe
Where this desolation and decay
Will not be

She prepared me with
Fresh clothes and fresh food
And promised me
That if I journey
She will provide more
She kissed me
On the top of my head
And I felt a satisfaction
I had not felt in years

In the morning I awoke
Packed the provisions
I was given by the angel
And set off
Alone
Away from the desolate city
In hopes of finding
The paradise that Chicago built

It's an addiction
It can't be understood
In its exterior it is simplistic
In its interior it is complex

It is something that can't be understood
By those outside it
Because they don't know the highs
Or where it does take you
All those outside it can only see
Just how it will break you

But they can't see
They can't see how good it feels
The stages are easy to know
When you can follow me

Stage 1: The first date
Always the best part
The nerves
The preparation
The mystery
The first time that I touch her hand
A rush
I feel high again

Stage 2: The first kiss
Always a favorite
Because I mastered it
I take her to the perfect place
She loves it
An overlook
A stream
Nature surrounding
The kiss happens
It's perfect to her
She loves it
As do I
I feel that rush again

Stage 3: The convincing
The dating
The kissing
The sensations
All are easy to see why it's sensational
The feeling of her skin against mine
The listening to her perfect breath move her chest
In and out
In and out
I tell her I love her
She isn't sure at first
But I try harder
As we continue
And I succeed
I feel the euphoria coming in

Step 4: The love
That comfort
That security
That feeling of serenity
It cloaks me
Wraps me around
Its sky blue blanket
And lays me in
A green field
She's there too
Next to me
Feeling the same earth
Beneath us
I turn to her
Eyes whatever color
It nonetheless dazzles me
It fills me with something dangerous
Hope
That rush is gliding me through

Stage 5: The loss
Parents get in the way
She loses that feeling
I'm a *******
But either way
That feeling
That was once with her
Is gone
She walks the thin line
Performing a balancing act
Trying to find reason to be together but can't
She calls me up on the phone
Tells me how everything is wrong
I don't see it
I can't see it
Our love was perfect!
We both made it!
And now you're killing it!
We meet up
I beg but she's stands her ground
She walks up
Leaves
I'm alone
Left to sob
Yell
Get angry
That adrenaline rush from the high rises

Stage 6: The hate
The pacing
The change of thoughts
I still love her one day
I despise her the next
I feel anxiety kick in
Try my best to hold it
But can't
I call her up
Yell at her
Scream at her
Tell her that
She threw something great away
She hangs up
Blocks me
Never speaks to me again
I still keep pacing
Feeling more often guilty
Than angry
ineverwantedtohurtyoualliwantedtodowassaveyoufromanyoneelse­iknowthatisaidiwantedyoutosufferbutthatsnnottrueatalliddoanything­
Sometimes I still feel that hope
But it's fading
Fades fast
It's all over

My high is going down
I need to go back
And cook some more

She moves on quickly
I got her addicted too
She feels that addiction too
It draws us both in
And we can't imagine
What it would be like to leave
It is the cycle
That helps make us
And the cycle
That can break us