I'M BEGINNING TO LIKE THE FACT I'M DRAGGING MYSELF INTO ANOTHER BLACK HOLE WITH NEW WAYS OF DESTROYING MYSELF.


I THINK I'M SICK.

There's still a war inside of my mind,
and it just won't subside.

And just like that,
another friend down the drain.
I did nothing to make you hate me,
but it is what it is...

right?

I've never shaken with fury before.

i don't know how i will heal this time

Will it happen again?

I've dreamed of you every night
since then.

i feel unwanted and numb.

Who is she?

--You know, the girl that showed you love. The girl that touched you in ways hands couldn't. The girl who showed you that you have a life to live.

Who?

--The girl with the brown eyes and brown hair. The one with the smile that could end wars.

I have no idea who you're talking about.

--I can't believe you've forgotten.

Tell me about her.

--She was the one who showed you the light. She showed you that you were worth nothing but all the love in the world. She had these brown eyes. They were like tiny universes. Her hair, oh, it was wavy like the water at the beach. Oh, and she had this voice that even the Muses envied. Her smile…it was etched in your mind for so long, how have you forgotten?

She seems so lovely. I don't know I could have possibly forgotten her.

--Oh, how lovely she was. Do you want to know how you forgot her?

Yes, of course.

--She was erased, just like that, over one stupid thing. You lost her oh so long ago, but now she's gone. She ceases to exist..as far as you're concerned.

Is there anyway to get her back?
       
--Probably not.

it was always you,
and has always been you.

the more i cry for help,
the more stupid i feel.

I don't have a father,
can I at least have a mother?

you may have lost her,
but you got me back.

What's happened to me?

I actually care about what people think.
I care about popularity.
I want the football players to like me.

I've lost sight as to what's true.
I'm not myself anymore.

Who am I?

When I almost downed that bottle of pills,
I didn't stop and think that in the future I would have someone as great as you.

touching you today was the hardest thing ive had to do in years,
just because i know im not yours to ever touch.

I want to die.
I hate living.
I actually want to **** myself,
not just not exist.
I want my life to end on my own terms,
and I feel that it will.


                                     Oh ****, it's getting bad again.

SHE'S IN MY ******* BLOOD.

You turned me into someone
I never strived
to be.

i wonder if you could ever love me again.

It's almost been a year since the last time I starved myself,
and I think it's time to cut back on the food again.

"There's more to that relationship, huh?"
My dearest grandmother,
I wish I could tell you the answer
to that question,
but I don't even know.

I hope to god
when you look at the red bruise
on your arm
you think of me.

could you ever love me the same way you did
those few years ago?

Her beauty aligns with the stars in the sky.

I hate everything that we've become.

My ears can't handle anymore yelling,
my eyes can't take anymore blood,
and my mind can't take anymore failure.

That day I fell in love with the taste of your lips.

It's 5 am and I can't sleep,
because your face is haunting my dreams.

if you don't care,
i don't care.

the calm
after the storm.

and you make me feel so vulnerable.

I've been getting attached to useless boys,
falling in love as each day goes by.
I'm not true to myself anymore.
I'm lost,
and I don't know if I want to be found.

I blame myself
for what you do to
yourself.

There's a burning in my chest,
and it doesn't seem to fade.
This sense of loss and confusion,
it damages my brain.
My soul yearns for the path,
but nothing seems to appear.
I remember when I didn't feel like this.
Oh God,
how I wish it would disappear.

I've reread your message for days,
but I don't think I can bring myself to reply.

I can't sleep.
It's because of you.

I have love on my mind,
and a body that's always next to mine.
I'm still having those thoughts
that turn into huge knot.
My scars are starting to be mended,
oh, how I thought it had ended.

Could we ever be together?

If I had a choice of how to die,
I'd chose for it to be on my own terms.

And then I realized,
you don't even care about me anymore.

And you will never know how I hurt.

I HATE EVERYTHING I'VE BECOME AND WHAT UPSETS ME IS THERE'S NO WAY I CAN CHANGE IT.

I am not the person I was two years ago,
but I can't stop the thoughts.

You wrote a poem over a year ago, and posted it a few weeks after I was going to **** myself.
You said "I feel like life wouldn't go on without her here."

Well, thinking about it,
I'm not here.

We're in separate worlds,
and you're doing just fine.

See?
If I would've taken all those pills and never woken up,
you would be living, breathing, and moving on.

I'm nothing anymore.