I need to stop hating myself
for being the type of girl who loves love
because despite the bitter backlash I have never experienced a thing more beautiful
and that's saying something because
I'm the type of girl who hunts for a sunrise and feels cheated when I miss the sunset
I'm the type of girl that hates going to sleep because I might miss out on something amazing,
even if it's just a cloudless night
I need to stop over thinking everything because
I'm the type of girl who acts from the heart
and my head only gets in the way, makes me regret the decisions I know are right
I'm the type of girl who says what she means
and will cry if I'm hurt
if I'm mad
or if you're hurt
or you're mad
I'm the type of girl that cries
because anger scares me
When I fall, I fall hard because
I'm the type of girl that won't hide behind my pride
I'll put myself out there because
you can't feel love with only part of your heart
I'm the type of girl who loves love
I'm the type of girl who gets hurt
But I have seen incomparable beauty.

everyone's merry, the house is full of christmas cheer
my brother's in the corner, sneaking yet another beer
because it's not easy to get through this holiday
don't take anything too personal, or your self-esteem will pay

everybody's drunk, and nobody's nice
and everybody's turning to their most unhealthy vice
mama's drinking *****, while daddy smokes a joint
and all the men have seemed to reach their boiling point
insults are tossed around like candy
while all the women sit and drink their brandy

to most children, christmas is their single favorite day
but all i want for chistmas is for santa to take me far away
most days of the year, i love our little home
but today i feel like a rat in an observation dome

i guess family gatherings bring out the worst in everyone
some families talk with words, my family talks with guns
there's so much blame and guilt inside our family tree
i hope that all this hate, will never infect me

so for all the kids on christmas, having so much fun
be sure to thank your parents for everything they've done
don't give them too much grief
and remember what i've told you
and feel a little relief,

because you know your parents love you
and they'll never show you hate
make sure to say "i love you too"
so no other little girl
will have to share my fate

The black and white butterfly is now stained red and purple.

When I was 16 my mom decided that the best way for her to feel good about her body again was to get plastic surgery.
Now my mom was always beautiful.
She was petite, had a tiny waist, full hips, and an overall curvy body.
In my eyes, she was perfect and I would've loved to look like her.

But she was unhappy.

Her stomach wasn't flat enough.
Her thighs too big and lets not even talk about the **** she felt was too small.

So cut, cut, cut away.
Tear her open.
Take the undesirable parts away and throw them out.
Never speak of them again.
But add some there.
Too little.
Not enough.
Don't worry about the person under all that skin.

Make them pretty again.
Make them pretty again.

And now look at her.
Hunched over because "beauty is pain."

And the butterfly tattoo on her lower back bleeds and red and purple, the colors of her bruised skin.

she's coming spend the night
tomorrow and i just can't wait.
we used to have crushes on
each other but now she
has a girlfriend and
i've missed my
chance.

is it bad that i still hope she might
want to kiss me?