2 am phone calls.
you think i would be used to them by now.
i never thought i would get one from you.
i awoke at 1 am,
restless,
telling myself i should have went with you,
making myself guilty,
wondering how you were doing.
then i get it,
the famed text.
"r u still up?! will you come get me please?"
of course i will.
anything to see you.

we stayed up talking till 5 am
talking fears,
plans,
and feelings fogging up the windshield glass.
we shared tears,
held hands,
and even laughed.

its moments like these that make me hope
that one day i will get to call you mine.
you let your guard down
and let me see you

Jealousy stings at the back of my eyes,
Bubbling up and flushing my face.
Tell me you don't touch her like you touch me,
Tell me I am still the one for you.
Tell me those midnight confessions weren't for nought,
Tell me our late night meetings mean just as much to you.
Tell me there is at least a little bit of truth in our jokes of marriage.
Show me your thoughts in your touch,
Or tell me in a whisper.
Whatever you tell me, just tell me soon.
I don't want to lose hope again.

This is my S.O.S.
I am falling back in his trap.
He's a silver tongued devil,
a sweet talker who knows just how to reel me in.
All it takes is,
"I miss your sweet face, I wish I could kiss you one more time."
Liar.
I can't figure you out.
Why do you keep coming back?
Two years is enough to move on.
But I haven't either.
Songs and movies bring me back to you.
We were  Allie and Noah,
I had started writing our own Notebook.
Eli Young makes me think of summer nights talking on the phone for hours,
whispering so my parents wouldn't hear.
You sweet southern twang and rules of chivalry
are my weakness.
You were the one I thought I would marry,
the one I knew my parents would approve of.
You were a sweet country boy that brought me back to my roots,
and I was just city enought to give you an edge.
Someone needs to talk some sense into me before I go back down this road.
When we finished you left me longing for more.
We can pick up where we left off so I can get the conclusion I am looking for.
This time I am ready for your poison.

I am sitting in the middle of this sea
On a raft handmade.
I am looking towards the shore
And slowly drifting away.
I see all of you there.

You, the one that broke my heart first.
You, the one that stole the next bit.
You, the one I thought I would marry.
You, the one I wanted to save.
You, the one I wanted but refused to take.
You, the one I longed after but pushed that thought away.

I am floating by,
Looking towards the sun.
It's lonely out here,
But I am starting to like it.
I no longer crave what I can't find.
I no longer toss and turn with dreams of anyone of you.

I am content on my raft,
Drifting away.
Find me if you wish,
But I am no longer searching for you,
Because I have found myself.

Weddings are a funny thing.
I want to feel happy for the couple,
But my cynical side boils up
Spits acid into my brain
And plays visions of doubts in front of me.
It doesn't help when people ask me why I am still single.
"I am focusing on me this semester.
I don't have time for a boy right now."
That rehearsed lie is the same every time.
Maybe next time I will tell them I am a nun.
At least that way I will have an excuse that they will believe.
Until then I will watch while the girls in white
twirl with their boys in tuxes,
And smile along with the crowd on the edge of the dance floor.

His eyes have seen the world,
Mine have only seen these dusty plains.

His fingers can strum unending melodies,
Mine only fumble across the strings.

He sees things with a plan and logic,
I only see emotion and feelings.

He takes charge of a situation,
I sit back and follow.

He goes to church,
I sleep in.

He is button downs,
And I am t-shirts.

We are different,
Yet we are the same.

One day I hope we compile our differences,
Set them aside,
Find our sames,
And revel in each other.

I knew it would hit sooner or later,
It always does.
"I don't want to date you, it's not that I don't like you,
I really do, you do so much for me,
But I don't want to ruin the friendship we have."
Hell.
You don't know how much that stung when you told me.
I knew I missed my chance with you,
And that just sunk it in.
I wanted to curl up in your arms,
Have you hold me one last time,
And try to convince you otherwise.
"But you have another guy now.
Go and have your fun with him."
Little did you know,
That's all talk.
I like him but I don't think he feels the same,
And I definitely need to keep myself guarded.
I try to tell myself and others I am talking to some guy,
Or I fall way too fast,
Just so I won't feel so pathetic and lonely.
I guess that's just how I work and you know that.
So thanks for being an awesome friend.
If I can't be your lover,
I will always be your friend,
I like you too much to let you go.