You are the one I need to run away from,
But you keep pulling me in.
I am not traveling in your orbit,
No I am crashing into your atmosphere.
I don't even mind if you smoke,
Somehow that is adding to the attraction.
Sure it will **** both of us someday,
But you just look so **** cool doing it.
You found whatever was left of my restaint against wanting you,
And **** you shattered it.
I am too scared to act on my feelings this time,
So I will play the wall flower card and sit back and wait for you.
My friend thinks you dig me,
So why is it so hard for me to believe her?
You are pulling me closer and closer in,
Your charm is choking out my reasonable mind,
Your cool is killing my logic.
Everyone stop me,
Because I know you have heard this one before.
Stop me before I get in too deep.

I am torn between the three.

The first was the high school crush,
who came to the same college,
who joined the same clubs,
who I see all around campus.
The one I can always depend on.
The future roomate.
The one I missed my chance with.
There might sill be feelings between us,
but we both know we missed our shot.

The second was the first college crush,
who I knew I would like at first sight,
who had that indie style,
that artistic flair,
who just got out of a serious relationship.
I knew it was doomed from the start,
but the ride was too fun to let go.

The third is the most recent,
the one I know I can't have,
the one I keep talking myself out of.
I know it won't happen,
because it can't happen.
I am reading too much into friendly gestures,
simple comments.
This is the one that might just get me,
I have to keep my distance around him,
but his presence always draws me in.
I know it's crazy and stupid.
But my friends think we would be adorable,
and that makes it true right?

I am caught between these three.
None will let me go,
and honestly,
I don't want them to.

The scent of your cologne and incense
always linger behind,
Attaching themselves to me in a cruel reminder
Of just how much I love the smell that is you.
Deep and woody,
It brings memories of fireplaces,
Winter nights,
And spiced chai.
Ski lodges,
Knit hats,
And gloved hands two sizes bigger,
Still holding on for dear life.
Cuddling under hand-made blankets
Sharing laughs,
Secrets,
Kisses.
Even if I don't have you I will always have your scent,
And the places it takes me are better than the places I have been.

It's a forbidden love,
is that why I want it so bad?
I think it's you.
Your charisma,
your talent,
your unfaltering cool temper.
It can stay a secret school girl crush.
Maybe we can play it off as a friendship.
I know I can play that part well,
But don't be surprised if I look up at you with doe eyes,
With big smiles.
I can't help it,
You are just too charming,
Warm,
Perfect.

*****,
So unclean,
Definitely not pure.
Why has so much changed?
This isn't me.
I need to get back to where I was.
You could help me get there.
Please be a good influence.
Please take me to church.
I need you and I need God.
Help me feel good about myself again.
I don't want to compromise anymore.
From now on,
I am in this for me.

Riding in your truck,
Just you and me.
Off to see a football game.
The conversation was lite on the way there.
We talked about next year,
How great it will be to have our own house.
We talked about who we want to join us here,
How you will stay out of my way when I am having one of my "days."
We watched the game,
Saw old friends,
Met your family,
Snuggled in the bleachers.
When I said I was cold you offered your warmth,
When I said I was tired you offered your shoulder,
When I said I didn't understand this game you offered your knowledge .
On the way home we talked about relationships,
The good ones and the bad ones.
It seems we both have had more of the latter.
I can't help but think I missed my chance with you.
I wish I could go back to last year,
Make my move while I had the chance.
Now when I really see it's someone like you I want it's too late.
I wish I could have sat in the middle seat of your truck,
I wish I could have had your arm around me,
I wish you could offer your cheek for me to gently kiss.
I will forever be your friend because I still want to have at least one great guy in my life.

Let me go,
Let me be free.
Release me please.
I am moving on I swear,
But the careless mentions,
The random appearances are wearing me down.
I just need to get back to normal,
But what if I don't remember what that is anymore?
I have strayed so far,
Broken down who I once was.
I need a return to You,
But why does that seem so hard.
They all are speaking ill of Your name,
Damning Your presence.
I need a return to You.
Please help me find who I am again.
Bring me back to You.