I admit it was a little odd being in your place again,
Especially without you.
But I did have a blast.
The boys played their game with Family Guy in the background,
Kara and I baked,
And we all laughed.
We were amazed to see what everyone is like sober,
And really they aren't much different.
Chase was still confused about everything,
James was still a smart ***,
But one person was a little different.
Evan was joking,
Laughing,
Smiling.
He was being polite,
Offering to help bake,
Offering to let us play their game.
You all may think Evan is a stick in the mud,
But I think he is a sweetheart.

The air is cleared,
status set.
You told me exactly what I knew I would hear,
what I needed to hear.
Friends,
I can do that.
I have before,
I can again.
I will admit it's going to ache for a bit,
but I can still do passing waves,
quick hugs,
and friendly smiles.
I guess I can finally start accepting
all the reasons everyone said
you were so wrong for me.
I don't need your issues,
I have my own.
I will still be a shoulder to lean on,
a ear to listen,
a mouth to speak words of encouragement.
I will still come over every weekend
for drinks and music.
I will still be there to watch you disappear in to your misery
as you pour more alcohol down your throat.
But I do owe you a thank you,
you have given me the inspiration to write again,
to create again.
You have introduced me to many talents,
and quite a few good times.
And I could never thank you enough
for showing me what your poison does to people.
And why I will never touch it again.
At least not like you do.
So it may not be the normal thing to do,
but thank you.
I know you will always be a true friend,
and I can only offer you the same in return.

This can't happen,
No not again.
I fall too easy,
Misinterpret friendly gestures,
Kind words.
"You are right,
You don't want to get caught up in him,
His issues."
You are so right Mister,
I want to get caught up in you.
But I can't let this happen.
I can't let my mind warp the text messages,
The hugs,
The invites.
I can't ruin this one too.
I like having you as a friend,
I can't mess this one up.
Quick someone talk me out of this,
Tell me it can't happen.
He is too old,
Too talented,
Too tall,
Anything,
Please just tell me it can't work.
Stop me before I wreck my world.

It's official,
I'm moving on.
It's clear you like her,
So thanks for the warning.
We can still be friends,
I won't be bitter.
I am really used to this sort of thing.
How can I move on so quickly?
It's easy when you are accustomed to the hurt.
It's really fine,
I will find a man without the baggage,
I was willing to take yours on,
But you wouldn't let me in.
I admit you had me wound in pretty tight,
Tangled in your web.
Now I have broken free,
And I can see,
You were right,
I am better off without you.

I traced a map on the back of his hand,
I hoped it would lead me away from you.
I made wishes on stars,
On 11:11 alarm clocks,
On dandelions.
I keep getting lost and finding my way back to you.
My wishes aren't coming true.
I pick myself up just to watch myself fall.
Maybe I like the hurt,
The chase,
The thrill of you.
You've made my walls come down,
Made me loosen up my strict values,
Set me free.
You gave me my first taste of poison,
My first sip of sin,
My first rebellion.
Thank you, 
But I feel that you are telling me to move on.
I don't want to,
But dear friend,
It's up to you.

Hey hey black bird,
Picking off the pavement.
What a life you must have,
Flying at whim,
Sitting in branches.
Why do you burn your feet on this pavement?
Why do you hunt for bits in this man made waste land?
A black top lot is no place for you black bird.
I wish I could join you, soar away,
Alone, but not lonely.
Ruffle my glossy black feathers in the morning dew,
This is no place for you black bird,
Fly away for those of us who can't.

I thought his touch would cure me,
but it only left me aching.
I thought his words would soothe me,
but they only left me wondering.
I thought his smile would lift me,
but so far it's bringing me down.
I thought our midnight confessions would clear the air,
but now it's more foggy than before.
I thought waking up in his arms would be heaven,
but I am still as lost as ever.
I thought he would make me forget about the others,
but he just brought back the memories.
I thought he would make the buzzing go away,
but now I know I just think too much.