My days are spent daydreaming,
wishing,
plotting,
planning,
motivating,
thinking,
l­onging,
giving up.
It's funny how words,
phrases,
text messages,
or a lack there of,
can send me in to a spin,
my head dizzy with emotion.
This is such a rollercoaster.
The ride is fun for a little bit,
but the unpredicability is killing me.
I am black and white,
this is grey.
Tell me the answers,
even if they hurt,
at least I will know,
because the not knowing
is slowly taking it's toll.

Laying in his arms felt like treason,
Why after wanting it for so long?
All I could think about was you,
He kept asking about you,
"How is he? You guys official yet?"
"No, and I don't think we ever will be,
So just hold me tonight."
We talked about life,
It came back to you.
We talked about death,
It came back to you.
We talked about relationships,
It came back to you.
It felt so good to be in his arms,
But I kept thinking,
"If only it was you."

Without you there is no inspiration,
good or bad.
I am lifeless,
there is no feeling,
no emotion.
I am going through the motions of everyday
till you find your way back to me again.
You are in a place where no one knows your name,
you can start fresh,
be yourself.
I am stuck in this dust bowl,
looking for comfort,
seeking out friendships.
You are breathing clean air,
I am ******* in exaust and dust.
You are in an indie rock haven,
ska escape,
metal homeland.
I am swirling in country music,
wailing gospels,
classic rock FM static.
Come home soon.
The usuals miss you.

If you don't want me
then just push me away now.
My ego isn't big enough
to keep up this game.
I get it.
I'm not the girl for you.
It was her,
and she is gone.
Just tell me now.
Push me away while I can still walk,
still breathe.
I am growing so tired,
so restless.
I need to find comfort somewhere.
If it isn't in your arms,
maybe it is in the bottom of a bottle,
the touch of a stranger.
Push me away.
I don't deserve you.
Push me away.
Just do it gently,
because someone will have to pick up the pieces
when I break.

If I find my way into your arms
under the cover of night and the
haze of our brand of poison,
please don't push me away.

Even if it's just for the night,
let me lay by your side,
hide in your embrace.
Let me relish in your warm scent,
your soft touch.

Don't call me cute
and I won't call you handsome.

It can be just us for the night.
We can forget our pasts,
our sorrows.
Take comfort in me,
and I will do the same with you.

I'm tired.
Tired of reading meanings into words you slurred.
Tired of trying to impress you.
Tired of trying to look hot enough for you.
Tired of being called cute.
Tired of being called nice.
Tired of being called sweet.
I am tired.
Tired of trying to win you over.
Tired of you thinking you are too messed up for me.
Tired of trying to be perfect.
Tired of never getting a second look.
Tired of not having my fun.
Tired of you not being here with me.
Tired of my image.
Tired of my status.
I am so tired.
Please take me in,
Revive me.
We can be reborn together.
Recharge our souls on a playlist,
On a sip of poison,
On a touch of skin.
Take me in,
I am just too tired.

Watching his slow self-destruction,
His heart crumbling away,
I can see the pain in his eyes
And the aching in his face.

I wish I knew what to say,
What to do.
Would he let me in if I tried?
I can be his support and so much more.
A confidante,
A friend,
A lover.

His restless eyes are growing darker,
And I only hope I am not too late.