i dreamt
of you again

we were in bed
our bed
our home

and you looked at me with a light in your eyes
that woke me from exhaustion
you touched my face in a way
that proved I'd always be yours

For once I'd like to sleep next to you instead of my phone
Feel the rhythm of your breath instead of the vibration of a text
I could watch you in your sleep
Your peaceful silhouette with the faintest streaks of light draped over you, just enough so that I can  make out your face
It is not harsh like the blinding light of my phone when I open your message at 4am wishing that i had gotten back to you sooner

Because I think about all the moments I didn't reach you in time and what id do to have the opportunity back
To fill every moment that I spent missing you with a memory we can both share

sleeping with you is the only way I can sleep and even then I still miss you
hearing, seeing and feeling you, I know you're not just a dream

Your words
Are your gentle lips on my cheek
Your stare
Is that of Gods on the first day of creation
Your embrace
Is the home I never had

It was spiritual
The way you brought my hands behind my back
Like I was praying to some kind of backwards god
Brainwashed by confused religion
But you kissed me so good
That I prayed to a God that solely existed for me

I prayed to you
I prayed for us

it's one thing to not believe in forever
I leave that up to the optimists
that's something they look forward too
because it's not as realistic for some to believe in an 'always' as it is for others
but that doesn't mean we can't believe in today
and so I'll tell you today
that I'm looking forward to tomorrow
indefinitely

i read a conversation we had one year ago to date
and i broke a little because things are not what they used to be
and i wondered if by this time next year
we will even speak to each other at all

never share anything you love or like with them  
so that the one day
when things have ended
nothing is robbed from you
you can continue to love everything as you did before
without thinking of them at all

you were high
and sound asleep
and you were dreaming of things that could never be
things like you and me

and you made sounds in your sleep
that made my stomach stir
and i held you close because you were cold and shaking
and i thought that this would be the last time

the last time I would give in to you
and let your addiction win
because i was just as bad
surrendering myself just as much as you were

you gave in to the highs of drugs
and i gave in to your lows of life

one hundred thousand love letters
to my King
ten a day, two before bed
words detailing the stories of our love and it's follies
there is nothing in this world more sacred to me than the connection
of your soul and mine
we came together
against all odds
here we are
there you were
for me
my King

what's powerful enough to make an adult cry?
memories of a happier time

I've looked under our couch.
I've tossed every ******* pillow across the room looking for your heart because I noticed you've been acting distant.

I checked in every single one of our closets, twice, and my fingers got caught in the door when I slammed it shut. I know I promised I wouldn't slam doors anymore. It's just that I'm getting so frustrated; I've been looking everywhere.

I stood up on our kitchen counters to check for it one the shelves and found nothing but dust. I'll get around to cleaning that I promise.

I got so desperate that I had to resist the urge to tear up the bedroom floor looking for it.

I had to resist taking my fists to the white painted walls in our bedroom, the ones I know you find terribly bland. I will make time to paint them just like I promised.

Behind those walls, you wouldn't hide your hear there would you my love?

You haven't left it anywhere in our house have you?

I'll search new places.
I will.
I will if that's what I have to do to have it back again.
I'll even swim to the deepest darkest parts of the ocean to find your heart again.

Please.

You know I would drown trying.

I don't want to die.
But I'm going so crazy looking for your love that if I spend any more time feeling this sick

I might.

So I should stop searching,
shouldn't I?

Because you've hidden your heart
in a place I'll never think to look.

You gave it away.
You gave your heart to someone else.

It is no longer mine.

But I'm still here.

With my ear pressed against this ******* wall
trying to hear the sound of your heartbeat once more.

if you were poetry
no one would read you like me

I don't want to say I'm still in love
but you were the only person that
stopped
the rotation of my world
and once you were gone
it started spinning in the wrong direction

I can’t help but think
if we were together and a particular song came on
that I would kiss you,
or let you kiss me.
How nice it would be
to feel your hands on my body
grabbing me
gripping me
working their way through my hair
your lips wet and hot on mine.
We’d kiss sweetly, briefly
or in some instances with unparalleled hunger.
I’d be on top of you, wanting your clothes off and your skin against mine
and I don’t mean it to sound raunchy or *****.
There wouldn't be anything wrong about touching you
the way that you want.
Nothing at all.

I
could
cut
through
my
skin
and find you in my veins.

Your lips red as blood.

Your nails painted to match the color of my hurt.

I am blue.

You have spun your intricate web of lies. I am
the foolish fly and you are my Black Widow.

You are going to eat me alive. I suppose that
is alright. At least then I will be within you the way
you are inside of me.

And if someone were to cut through your
flesh they would find whatever was left.

Strip you down
I want nothing more than to watch your body, stark and cold
you shiver at my touch, your flesh crawls under my fingertips
you are magnificent
you are glorious
strip you down
shy beautiful girl
spin for me
so that I may marvel at your existence
you are the goddess
and in this waking life, I am sure there is only you
beautiful girl
come to me
so that I can feel your warmth
have you breathe new life into my soul
your lips keep an electric current
your long hair , cascading down your body
moving as you move, fluid
let me have you
or spare me by leaving with the promise to never ever return
you have given me hope
do not give it anyone else
I am selfish and unkind and I wish you to be mine
you in all of your glory
will you choose me?
will you take me?
will you have me?