Every time I close and open my eyes
I want to believe that this entire situation I'm in is just bad dream
But no matter how many times I repeat this little ritual of mine
Each time seems more realistic then the last
But still I just cannot believe
I never thought she'd actually leave me
Considering how long we have been friends
Possibly more than we even believed
Then this man who is no one wants to step in and force us to say our goodbyes
Saying he doesn't like it when we talk
And by that he means how I make her laugh and forget what it means to be sad
He views me as a threat
Keep in mind I'm only 17 and he is 23
How is that I'm a threat to a man who is 23 to get girl who is 19
The dots just don't seem connect
I would just say goodbye to just get him off my nuts
But...
But I just can't
I just can't say goodbye to her of all people
I never really thought I stood a chance to get the girl
But considering how this man willing to stoop down so low to get me out the picture
Maybe just  maybe I do
I never really said it to her face...
I never actually thought I'd fall in love with her
But judging by emotions I feel when threatened with the possibility of losing her...
I think I actually love her

When nothing else make sense
And I just want to go home
Ya know just to forget about everything
All of life's struggles
Forget about all pains that come my way
I just go to happy place
That place where I feel safe and free of all judgment
The place where I can run around happily in an open field
Watch the sunset as I wait to see the stars in the midnight skies
It's my break from society
From all the heartaches that love to be part of my life
All the stupidity that burns my sanity away  
The place where I can just relax and enjoy nature
Listen to the birds sing in the trees
Oceans crashing against the rocky shores
Feel the winds blowing against my cheeks
The place that only exist in my dreams
So if you need me you know where to find me
But I'd prefer if you'd just allowed me to be

We always think
differently when we're in love

We always think positive
and never negative

Who would've have thought
that one person
could change your life
forever?

Who would've thought
that one person
could break you
forever?

You never forget
your first love,
but you also never forget
your first heartbreak.

Why can't "1" be an alphabet
I mean it looks just like the letter "L"
And so does "I" but no one ever goes there
All "3" is a backwards "E"
"7" looks like "Z" missing it's tail
But "1" still can't be an alphabet
That's kinda messed up don't you think
Why can't the order be "A" "B" "C" "1" "D"
That sounds pretty catchy to me
It can be changed
And if you dare say it can't think about poor little pluto
All my life they were telling pluto was planet
Then one day out of the blue they want to say it's not
That pluto dwarf planet
What a downgrade
Bet pluto back there crying his small tears away
But still "1" can't be an alphabet
That's hysterical if you ask me
So let it be
let "1" come after "C"
And wave your hands if you with me

I been meaning to ask you a question
But ever time we come face to face I become afraid
I begin to shake as if I'm freezing cold
My words become so scattered I just stare and give you this awkward smile
Then I would just run away soaking myself in my own tears
Thinking about pathetic I truly am
So this is me turning to my last resort
The only way I can truly communicate this with you
Okay here I go

The stars are beautiful wouldn't you say
The full moon as well
It reminds me of what it is like to be whole again
You know having both halves of a heart that was broken long ago
It really is my favorite past time
Well before I met you anyways
Recently the stars and the moon have been giving me the cold shoulder
After saying how much of an idiot I am
Telling me that I shouldn't be here

I would ask where should I be and they would just stare at me
Afterwards saying that I really am stupid
I remember thinking well that's not very nice, not realizing that it's true
I would then return to my room wondering what did they mean
Which caused me to think of you
Well I was always thinking of you
Then I realized I think in love with you
You see for some time I have been feeling this way
But I never knew how comprehend this sweet sensation

It would explain so much
How I became so nervous when with you alone
Always making these stupid excuses on why I had to go, I really do feel something for you don't I
But it just seems like every move I make I am just pushing you way
Like I really don't want to be near you
When the truth is it's the other way around
I never want to be away from you
I mean I love you
And I can't help to think that you feel the same way

You have such a beautiful smile ya know
To me that was your best physical feature
I purposely try my best to make you laugh
Making these corny jokes just to see you smile
I'm surprised you never caught on to that considering how smart you are
Because you really are smart
Sometimes you make me feel dumb
But I love that about you
I love everything about you

But anyways my question
ummm you see I was wondering
This...this is just a suggestion
But I was wondering if you would like to go on a date
Anywhere would be fine just as long as I'm with you
Well that pretty much sums it up
You know why I have been so distant and all
That's all I really I had to say
And I hope you just say yes

Sincerely,

Adam

They tell me not to dwindle in the past
But that just causes me to laugh
Sometimes it is better to live in the past
Because the present is straight ***

It's all because I have these beliefs they view me as ******* rebel
I'm dangerous they say
A corruption to society
When the truth is they just want to exile me

The world just isn't ready for change
It wants to cling onto the past as if the past is its very life force
How hypocritical
Funny if you ask me

So I'll just watch from the moon as the earth spins "uncontrollably"
Laughing away as the stars shine in the distant space
Just awaiting my day
The day I will make my return to the hypocrites of society

I never meant to break your heart
I never meant to walk out that night
I never meant to make you cry
I never meant to assassinate a part of you

I never meant to die that night
I never meant to run away
I never meant to
Please believe I never meant to

You see, I was always afraid
You were touching a part of me that I never thought anyone could
It felt so strange but it felt so right
And I hope you understand that it was too much for me at time

So I simply took a break
Running as fast as I could to the other side of the world
But when I finally arrived I realized I had made a great mistake
But I convinced myself that it was already too late

I never muscled up the courage to return home to you
I thought maybe you'd be upset with me
That you would never forgive me
Just causing me to really die inside

But I started to think that maybe I deserve to
Just thinking about how I must've made you feel
I began to cry every night starring at an old picture of you
Then I made up my mind that I was coming back home to you

But when I finally arrived I realized I had made another mistake
Because all I saw was you smiling away
I don't know what I really expected
I mean you were always too beautiful to be single forever

I see you got the two kids you always wanted
A boy and a girl named them Linus and Aries
I'm so happy for you
You fulfilled your dream

Then to make it even better you forgave me
I should be so elated, jumping in so much joy
But for the life of me I can't even put on a fake smile
So I walked away again

This time I went to the lake by the old house we bought together
Then I pulled out the gun you brought me for my birthday
Finally I closed my eyes and began to pray
Next thing I know I was dead

I never meant to break your heart
I never meant to walk out that night
I never meant to make you cry
I never meant to assassinate a part of you

I never meant to die that night
I never meant to run away
I never meant to
Please believe I never meant to