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Siobhan A Apr 2013
Sunshine, Sunshine come back out and play?
I swear we weren’t laughing at you the other day,
The clouds in the sky were making funny shapes, the lady with her hat got blown away, the children in the sandbox, the squirrels in the trees
Mr. Sun you have to believe me, please!
We won’t laugh at you, you give us colors, without you we wouldn’t have flowers, or spring, or kites on long strings
Don’t make me beg, it’s chilling me right down to my bones.
We’re freezing in this rain dear sun, how else can I let you know?  You give us heat and light, your rays give us reasons to grow, you nurture our every waking hour oh sun, didn’t you already know? We love you with all our hearts beautiful sun! And there is something else you should know:
You make us laugh and smile sun, you warm our very hearts dear sun, now please come out, come out dear sun and give us light and summer, please come out, come out Sunshine and fill this world with color.
Siobhan A May 2013
In her body she carried us
With her heart she nurtured us

When we fell she picked us up
She took our faults and made them strengths

For almost half her life she has given up her selfishness
She's still learning every day
She's still leading by example

It's not just the time that's gained her wisdom
It's the sacrifice and joys of the choices she's made
Happy Birthday Mom
Siobhan A May 2013
Heart hurt
The secret they don't tell you.

You're heart can hurt and will hurt.
Inside your body cracked, still beating

Broken heart
Hardly working when you need it to

Can only pump blood
If it tries to pump love it could die

Stupid heart
Trying to love what it can't have

Knowing the more it tries to let go, the more it yearns
Then a soul she felt, like a blanket

Not a perfect blanket but a warm one
A blanket that covered her fear
So comfortable it made her want to get out of bed and fight for a better day

Not a perfect blanket but a beautiful one
Woven with its own distinct pattern and colors
So unique it made her start to fight for her passions

She doesn't need the blanket, but she wants it
Siobhan A May 2014
It's a good thing I deleted your number
Or I'd be calling you tonight.
Crying about how much I love you even though I never really liked you
Crying about how you kind of completed who I am
But not ever in a good way
It doesn't matter though all those things I know..
Because I love you and I can't stop.
Siobhan A May 2013
The wind whispers through the trees, disturbing it
The leaves shudder and shake, scattering it into the air
Falling down gently like summer snow
You can see it floating on the air drifting as only things feather light can do
Through the trees it rides getting in your hair, nose and eyes 
Quietly softly it collides
Siobhan A May 2013
Stuck in my head are thoughts of you
And they won't go away
Stuck in my head are pictures of your face
Images that won't fade
When you laugh and you smile
I can't help but love you
It's probably not fair to have a favorite person when there are so many
But dear if I'm choosing then you're mine.
Siobhan A May 2013
Holding smoke in your lungs will **** you
At least that's what They say
But my grandma smoked for 60 years an she's still alive today
They say laughter cures everything but it doesn't hurt any less when you laugh at my faults and mistakes, tearing me down crushing my soul day after day

So what are their words good for?

They say love is a many splendored thing 
But when I gave you my love you told me I was spoiled and wasn't good for any thing
They say that big girls don't cry
Then why is my heart crying out through my eyes that our love is just a bunch of lies? 
and They say that you've got to work for the things you want 
but what if the working isn't making you hold on to what we had 
So I SAY that today is the day I start being happy 
and THEY can go shove thier words where the sun don't shine because they say it's all my fault 
and I'm a bad example 
and I'm what's wrong with the world today 
but if they started saying I maybe the world would stop judging so hard maybe we could all share a slice of what they call humble pie and start keeping our noses to ourselves and eat together in peace not pieces.
Siobhan A Jun 2013
Just another look, it won't hurt
Just another taste, it won't **** you
Just one more time.

But it hurts
And it poisons my soul
An it turns into twenty more times.

Just don't look, it'll be a dull ache before long
Just don't eat it, you're not a glutton for punishment.
Just forget...

Until the next time.
Siobhan A May 2013
She is so brave, running through the grass her arms stretched behind her
Running towards something and nothing at all
Running for the fun
She is so confused, trying to find the words to use learning what they all mean
Trying to communicate what she needs and translating her point
She is so frusterated, climbing chairs, tables, couches and stairs
Climbing anything that stands in her way, wanting to already be big and strong
She is so scared, frightened of pain she has no control over
Her tiny body full of laughter and light, growing and learning so beautifully and so quickly
She is easy to fall in love with.
Siobhan A Sep 2013
We would have tried,
Would we have failed?

Is it to naive to believe we'd have had a happy ending?
What's so hard to grasp about the fairy tail stories?

We would have laughed we could have laughed
but the happy endings aren't for us

Our story keeps dragging on and on
Life keeps scratching at our toes, never letting us rest

sleep is a part of the dream world we can't have
insomnia comes, shared by two people in separate rooms

we were always too naive
but I'll keep believing in a happier ending
Siobhan A May 2013
Eyes brown, eyes green
Looking at you looking at me

Smooth lips, pink lips
Your smile waiting for mine

Brown eyes, green eyes
Searching for something I can't see

Big hand, small hand
Fingertips brushing

I look away, I can't help my blushing
The waiting is killing me

So we go for a smoke
Breathing it into my lungs it's a saner kind of rush

Your eyes, my eyes
Seeing the same stars

Bare feet, small feet
Our bodies carried back inside

Your hands, my hands
Can't wait to intertwine

Keeping our eyes glued ahead
Our hands do the talking

Words get confusing
our hands have better grammar
Siobhan A Jun 2013
I feel it come upon me
The tightening of my chest
How it ceases to rise and fall
As I slowly remember thing that needs to be forgotten

But your memory clings tight to my spine
Chilling me to the bone
My skin reacting to the ghost of your fingers indent
The feeling of your lips on my neck, my ears, my lips
Worst of all your body calling out to mine to be closer

And then slowly again I can breath
It takes awhile but I shove the memories back down where they can suffer again in the dark
Siobhan A May 2013
The wonderful thing about humans
is that humans are wonderful things
we hobble about and constantly fall down
but we do our best to stand on our legs
Siobhan A May 2013
I told you good night because I'm falling asleep 
Tell me good night because I want your sweet dreams

I didn't tell you good night to **** with your head
I told you goodnight because I'm going to bed.
Siobhan A Sep 2013
The things you find when you leave your husband, are not the things you think you'll find.
A missing earring, a couple of quarters, a dime, a nickel and three pennies all stuck behind the makeup.
Those are the things you're happy to see. Those are the safe things. The things that make you think, "oh, well it's a good thing I'm finally cleaning out this cupboard." But then, then you stop. Because you aren't just cleaning up. It's not spring, this isn't a cleaning rampage. This is packing.
This is leaving.
This is the hardest thing you've ever had to do and no one is there for you.
This isn't anyone else's battle to fight.
It's a long time coming, 6 years of tears. 6 years of laughing.
it's the laughing that made you stay.
All the conversations about being so unhappy. All the friends who have said
"Well, if he really makes you that unhappy why don't you leave?"
As if the difference between happy and unhappy is as easy as I want it to be.
Like hopscotch.

Because what if it's all true?
What if the reason you're unhappy is because you are
"An embarrassment as a wife?
Who can't cook.
Who can't clean.
Who dropped out of school.
Who barely has a job.
You're embarrassed 'cause I'm yelling? How do you think I feel?"

If all that is true then leaving won't make you happy.
Leaving isn't going to change anything but your address, marital status and financial situation.
Leaving won't solve the problem, staying will.
Staying, there's no way in hell you're staying. You might have a snowballs chance out there but in here you're already dead.
Slowly every time you remember it isn't true.
I can cook, pasta, casserole, chocolate chip cookies and stir fry.
I make bacon and eggs, pancakes and waffles, coffee and cigarettes.
I can clean, vacuum the house, throw all the q-tips away that are left on the counter, pick up dishes that are not mine all over the house, but if not wanting to be a maid means failure I'll take it.
I'm going back to school, I'm not a good student, college is scary but I'm tackling those demons.
I have a job, I'm a nanny, I'm helping raise someone else's kid because I think that's worth while.
I am not embarrassed by myself. I like who I am.
YOU cannot take that away from me.
So I'm going to leave, for fear of more scars and just because the scars don't show doesn't mean they aren't there.
Because the things you find when you leave aren't found in the make-up cupboard.
Siobhan A Aug 2013
I'm so good at ignoring my problems
that when I start drowning
I pretend I don't need to breathe
.
Siobhan A May 2013
Is it really that awful? Can it be that bad? Do I have to walk away or can I try and stand
through the pain of it all
thought the suffering
through the lies
Lies to each other lies to ourselves. Never underestimating the power of a fake smile
always shutting out the doubt
but in the dark where it has time to grow its growling, laughing, mocking words become louder than any hope I had
And now it's gone.
Siobhan A May 2013
****
Well it's done now,
*******
I'm an idiot,
*******
Oh well, I'm not going to undo it,
**** it
I might be an idiot but I'm not a coward
No way in Hell
Siobhan A Aug 2013
No. I won't remember your face.
No. You won't remember my name.
No. It wasn't fate that brought us together.
But in that one moment we jump and survived.
And it's all worth remembering.

— The End —