Something soft
I want the uncomfortable fetter
Of the carpets unruly mane
To grace my worn feet
I sleep
Your eyes open when mine close
And in my busy mind
You are the blue light that
Drives the eyelashes on my cheek
To courtesy into a smile

My lips follow suit

When my hand digs into my knees
Fleshy mountain caps
All I crave is the foreign touch
Of your fingers to
Run miles up and down my
Milky thighs
We can let the familiar feeling
Of our warmth erase the black marks of whips that woke us up from our dreams
That meant the universe to eyes so bleary and small

Fingertip felt tips festering fully, fittingly on your peachy pointer finger
Just one
The smell of lust will surround our hungry nostrils and
Dig in baby
Dig deep

We wake up to a ceiling fan bland
Wafting the leftover smell of cigarette smoke around our dusty morning
We tucked the sun away as tight as we could
But our lazy laughs and wayward smiles
Gave way to our apathy
Door closes
The airwave is fizzy
And the palm tree softly pets my luminous face
Your car starts
The screech of your tires
Nails on my melting chalkboard
Ill yell into my empty room
And pray to god ill never see you again

I had every intention of changing
The raven amongst white doves
Weak, crumbling pieces, out of sync with the suns honey glaze
ruthless falling daggers
only in the meat of the night
I'm drenched with sweat
My sheets shallow waves
Rivets of white
Outlining my ghastly figure
Ideleness digs its finger nails into my popcorn ceiling
I searched within the orange hue for your hand to pull me through
One last taste of the honey



It was in my sweaty palms
a wilting flower
Petals bruised and obtuse
Bent and irrperable
Folding corners the napkin
Turned into some origami masterpiece
When the conversation was a, b, and how sad I felt when you were a hologram amongst my curtains
Dusty desires I put on my book shelf
Notes piled on top of each other like a dumpster of sweet nothing's
nothing
A lot of that

We met eyes drawn to each other
Magnetic force
The feel of your warm fingertips
Making webs throughout the vacancies of my soul
Vacancies
A lot of those

Your knuckles turned peachy white
The vigor of your words
Masked your content
All I saw was you
Your legs daddy long legs in the corner
I don't know whether I should **** you or let you invade me, entirely.

It's just a drink
Batting eyelashes
Stuck in the headlights of your bullheaded vehicle
I should expect road **** but my legs stand trembling
The rev of your engine
Your cigarette smoke threatening me with its twisted claws
Your words are as empty as the fog
That creates our love
That should've been aborted when you first held me in your arms

It's too short for all of this
I watched you lag your dusty luggage across desolate lands
Zion seemed as close as your face the night we decided to look at each other for the very first time
Zion my river
My albatross
Yes I walked atop your river
And found your empty bottles floating around my ankles instead

Ill trade you my legs if
Helps you stand
As proud as the podium I know
Exists for you
And my god
I love you
Please believe me again

If the sky looks too scary
I know honey brown eyes
Glazed hams that remind me of  dinners
And talk that was as fake as the branches on our immortal Christmas tree limbs
The three sharp spokes in my fork seem better fitting for veins and empty palms
Then this plate floating on a table of balled up fists and brittle finger nails

Find your rooftop and yell my name
Ill extend my fingers like vines
Crawl down me
Lay me on the floor
Our shallow breathing will find its way through our lungs again
Don't apologize my darling
My purpose
Zion is this sidewalk we're sprawled across the day I thought you found salvation in the sidewalks menacing cracks
This blood never did me any good until I felt your chest beat life into me
I tell you
I said
******
I tell you
I cried
We don't have to speak any more
We'll rock to the sway of the mellow breeze and find our balance when our eyes find one another's

I tell you
I cried

My body never had a better purpose

We will float together then sink
And everyone who told me a pond stone was nothing but a nuisance to open toes and hard boiled heads was nothing but the devil to me
Everyone who sinks becomes the foundation of those who rise
I don't need you to die and hover above me like a cloudy day
Bad weather bad coffee
My hand trembles and this
Sweater never keeps me warm
The shiver within my soul is all I'm concerned about
the white ghosts that sits on your fingertips never did you any better
All I get is dark blood and broken teeth
Ten missed calls and kisses to wipe off the salty lust of my ever present agony
Anyone who tells me that I'm **** can answer to the moss that thanklessly sits on the rocks who patiently wait for time to throw off its holey shoes and let the earth fall silent to its restless murmur
You've done me wonders soft Angeles
My toes weave throughout your docile grasp
While my stoic heart rests soundly beneath your cushioned palms
Sweltering and oozing, going numb then returning
All beneath the cusp of the delicate curls that nature brushes with her fine pearl comb
Anyone who says I'm doomed, done, hopeless, out of luck, out of time, out of ideas
Can answer to their own empty plates
I'm not giving out any answers
So you can fill the black void of your own cackles and despair
That are  better suited for the leaves that clench for dear life to the streets that have let them become a porridge of their own flakey guts
They smear across the roads indented forearms  like the boogers and black eyeliner smeared across your swollen lips
Dying for a finger to press them shut
Give them mercy
let them fall into a bland line
That the ticking clock can rest upon until it meets the shallow ridges of your rib cage sorrows
I'm listening
Humming beneath the manic sound of your quivers and heaves
I'm listening
To your story book hidden in the corner of a library floor kindred bodies go to rest their skeleton key fingers
theyll place them atop books that became the coffins for bodies now swimming in worms and the *** of their volatile passion that little have the right to coat their throats with but slurp up greedily regardless
One of them will unlock your beautiful brain
And I will be there
Resting amongst the pile of your hair
Sweaty and battered
The sunshine gleams upon you and god isn't a fox trap around my ankles
He's the circles of your eyes
And I'm ready to feel better

I imagine
your nightgown limps sadly against your trotting legs
The light becomes
choppy
Trapped between your gowns effortless sway
piouretting from
room to window
towards the moon
back to bed
where
snowflake kissed sheets grow
unbearably cold underneath the night sky's icy breath
Close the window
"Dont, pelase, don't..."
shivering,
The gown
a peek-a-boo
into skin that can't form goosebumps any more
peachy silk coating
flowers
stay still
plastered smiles across all of those
good God fearing faces
A fabric
Unfitting
for a mind so
chaotic and chemically smeared
In a funk,
a different time,
a different place

I've removed myself from the watches' ruthless reign
I'm a glazed donut
that look in your eye,
Where does it end?
a black pit,
a bottomless barrel
some
puny animal shot down in the middle of the woods
eyelids dry like pork rinds
Perfect loops decorate the top of your cut thighs

"Who's here to pet my hair?"
my hair,
as shallow as the shore's waves
unlike the deadly tsunami festering underneath it
Pet my arm.
Graze it with your soothing fingertips
Warm sparks fly madly
dancing atop
a cold log
deadwood that never made it past the beaches of your boundless regret
"I didn't realize it'd grow this quickly...
when I,
mentally shoved the flames of my disease inside of my mouth."
"I thought it'd...burn out."
"The pit of my stomach now filled with the flashing signs of panic and
puke"
All across the side of your bed
spines don't fall into any more
a dark room
"Who's here to make the noise to fill the empty caverns of my bustling brain?"
A dark room
Words fall into it
Stumbling across the bumps of your
nauseating hips
"Who's here to scream back?'
Laughter sounds so far away when I'm here in my timeless prison
Sun creeps out of the curtains
light falls like broken piano keys into you
mucous made mask
and puke

I couldn't find God today
and the Devil was swimming my cereal bowl

Sometimes,
It's okay to be a crater in the moon
The sidewalks sleek slipperiness
Teases my vulnerable boot
One false move and I'm
Face down in the gutter
Whatever.

Sometimes,
I need to be the lone, cumulus cloud in the sky
The black ink of an unidentifiable
bird
Breaks my white, puffy monotony
One cloud
"How strange,
how
interesting."
"Yes,
quite."

Sometimes,
It's important to be ****** into the cluster on those who walk too closely
A pungent pallet
Of too many different smells
Foreign hands
sway like chopsticks against mine
The end of someone's coat
grazes my outer thigh
Sickening.

Sometimes,
I need to be ****** into the cold cave that is my loneliness
I need to hear my own breath
flowing with the rhythm of the cars
cruising through the unread chapter of the
dark, quiet streets
The walls,
my prison
My body,
the evil captor

Sometimes,
I need to be sorry
and, oh, I am
A thousand times over
My apologies are bigger than
every Redwood tree in existence
I'm so out of controlWhiplash
Five cuts in your back
I'm right there
to heal them
before they even had a chance to bleed

But sometimes,
I'd rather leave you banging on the back door
Even when the sun sinks
I won't listen
to your pleas
The road ahead of you
is lonely
I won't be the lantern that fuels your unctuous behavior
I can't run with the rats forever
The mirror feeds me a different reflection every time I look into it
Today,
my hand doesn't shake in fear
It rests in quiet resolution
Soundly over my other

I still see you
caverns of my mind
still flood with ideas of you
and snippets of conversation
we never finished

It's our shoes walking together
on a sidewalk in some nameless city
It's a single sushi meal we shared
It's how your profile looked in my car
during sunset hour
when we were driving back on the 101
it's an
incoherent
transparent
snake of memories
that don't make sense to me
any more

It slithers and *****
rolls of my life's film
into my brain's projector
and they play incessantly
every night
before I sleep

How sad

I brush it off
and resume tossing side to side
I'll cry
but only a few tears ever come out
I'm a volcano that will never erupt
I'm
dried up
out of steam
No ones
scared or concerned about me
any longer

Let me sink underneath the Earth
Into the ocean's depths
Where I can be forgotten about for good

A volcano without any lava left, huh?
How stupid

Then I met a few others like you
A coffee shared
The memory of how your eyes looked when you came
even the sound of you
peeing the next morning rings in my ears
and it plays
like a broken record
a sad mix tape some lonely pervert made in their mother's basement
while they sit in their self-made
prisons
sulking over
the  blonde, blue-eyed girls who shunned them
with their bug eyes
popping out of their fleshy shells
piercing their dream maidens
and
"Jesus Christ you're disgusting, ew, ew like bed bugs all over my body, go to Hell you worthless creep"
and they dream and fantasize over the happiness that they perpetually plant
and try to grow
and it's never a flower
it's only weeds on the side of a garden shed
No one's even bothers to pull

How sad

It's there like clockwork
Like when my heart races in the shower
The hot water makes my body tired
I think
"this is when I'll give up"
My body becomes seduced into a hypnotic trance
I can't seem to fight the
Warm blanket of water
that covers me

It'll end on this note.
I'll die.
Face down and
**** naked
Legs
hanging outside of the bathtub wall
In that last moment of life,
I'll probably be thinking of
when we made love here
Or how you
missed the green light when we
were driving back from getting donuts
because you were too buys gazing at me instead of the road

We looked at all the stars and you knew what they all meant
You kissed me
and told me
what each of their purposes were
You told me
which star to look at if I ever
found myself lost
We soon crawl into your bed
and I try to find the star to help me get out of your covers
Toes crossed together
Faces pressed into one another's

My heart begins to race
Like clockwork
Fingers digging into each others backs
Hypnotic warmth
Oh God
I whisper
I'm lulled
I've become your bodies hostage
I try to resist
One of my eyeballs manages to peak outside of your window
The star to help me find my way out is gone

The plot of this moment fades away as quickly as it was written
Soon,
all I can remember is your back
in the dark
moving
up and down
Your
savage grunting
becomes the soundtrack of the snake's nightly dropping

I look for that star every night
The silver of silver light trickling down your spine
up and down
the bed creaks
My hear aches
Beads of sweat
Erupt from your skin
Under the moon's picturesque glimmer
When the snake finally leaves,
I look outside of my window
Searching

I never find that guiding star

How stupid

Like clockwork,

How sad