A life with no light

I cannebalize my own anger. I rip it out, melt it, caramelize it, douse it in sugar, and I consume it. The rage, its  like hot, hard candy sitting in my pocket. My hand dips in, 45 degrees exactly.  My fingers tired of being sweaty, suffocated, clenched in a peach prison, stretch out like a lazy, kitty cat. They engloate; purring, finally free, batting against the cold air (it's okay it feels good). My left cuticles become soggy and moist from the winds sudden embrace. They curl back like the devils horns, preying upon me, their biggest fool. I finally reach in my lonely pocket, slide the piece of warm, gooey candy into my hungry mouth. My teeth screech with delight. The tangy sweetness dances with my chipped caps, stinging my nerves with a sugary blunder. It isn't rose colored glasses it's as crystal clear as the cotton candy sky.
Mouth agape thoughts suddenly shuttering, blowing in the wind stunned by their own stinger
I think no, i don't think, I dwell
It's as deep as a well with no pennies
No one made a wish there's only assumptions as empty as the hands that threw them
As hateful as the minds that created them
I'm a product of you
Won't you let me die?
Peacefully
I pray
Or never at all

It's not another blue moon
The wolves are restless
Their savagery grows like
The wicked fire outside my cave
It's almost there and I can
Feel it burning up my toes
My chest still, motionless, remains a frigid icebox
I forgot what purpose heat serves
It's been too cold
Too unforgiving
It's been too many black skies
Frostbite all over my skin
Closer to deaths conniving hand
Enough to graze
Enough to spark fear, touch, blood builds up, squeezing my veins, green vines, curling in and out of their white soil, pulsating, glorious serendipity, the tangibility of
Rest in peace
In pieces
Bony white sharp shards of
Nails
That don't even sever my flesh
No drops of red
Not even to cut the thick air
the clock keeps it's mouth shut
I have no answers
Monotony
In between living and dying
Limbo, flatline, where am I
Louder
Where am I
I hear the wolves howl once more, closer now
The stars shatter
a streak of silver lining
Cosmic brutality
I'm the punch line
Forever hungry
I finally feel their hot breath on the nape of my neck
I close my eyes
Where's my escape?
Stuck
Just
White teeth
Blades
Carnivorous
Famished
Just for one taste of my soft flesh
And god, god I whisper through
the stubborn air
Isn't that all that matters?
The murky cloud of my cry
Turns ghost
Another victim of my past pleas
A furry nuzzle to contrast the ruthless slay that leads me to my final destination
Pink fields, beautiful fidelity, your Golden Gates, on a cloud too far away
Always a little out of reach
I'll wait an eternity
For a god who never picks up his trash

Weaving throughout the tunnel walls
The red split tongue of the
Devil's red, licorice lips
Slithering through a split wall
crack
Unsettling

Ulcers grow in my moldy gutter
The rats take cover underneath my molten feathers
The **** flocks where it's welcomed
An open carcass
A yellow tooth
A looming black moon

I'm barren like the carcass of a wolf
Torn to pieces
****** and limp
A slumped over
Mass of shapes
Goodnight,
Ladies and gentlemen

I could've loved you

Off course,
Of course
The sea's salty
spray
stings my eyes
Trembling pointer finger
I wipe away what I can only imagine
is a drop
packed full of
fish ****

Often,
the fan shakes
Or is it me who isn't still?
Often,
I'll grab for warm skin
I'll dig
desperately
through layers of
Filth and disappointment
Often,
I'll grab for you
More filth and disappointment


Outside,
the sound waves find their way into my lonely quarters
Filling the endless cracks of whistling wind
Filling the endless cracks of my cold respite


The glow of your face
Eyes
piercing through the darkness
with valor unseen
by heroes
brave
and timeless

I've never worshipped hands
so leathery
Wounded by
stale
talk
that sank into your heart
like an anchor carelessly dropped
into the sea's cruel
blue
swell

I would say sorry
a thousand times over
if it stripped your heart
of the ghosts that hide and cackle
amongst your vast,
haunted corridors

I'm still---
the shallow shards of your breath
poke at my bullet proof hip
My brain drips manically with the endless horror
of your
ghastly, **** luck
It creeps into my porous skin
embedding itself into my DNA
God,
I've never felt so helpless

I've felt your fingers
like the apple out of my reach
I'll catch you
before you hit the ground
like all the heroes before you
With a marble floor slate
that was empty
and pure
With the white sheen of better handshakes
and conversations
with more peaks
than valleys

I'm an enigma
A spirit
from some long lost land
read about in books
Intangible
Nothing to touch

Your hand
your
scars
They rattle my soul like
you took away my medication

My self loathing
peers outside the window
Jeering
Knowing what I can be
but will never embrace

I'm sorry
My
sadness
goes deeper than my
love for love
The breath I gave up
for a life of suffocation
is my own bubble of Death
and
Desperation

Don't jump---
I wouldn't want you to drown with me

I'll grab you
and take you
With the passion that runs through my veins
I hope you recognize my efforts
and grab me back
even when I pull away

I just want to know what forever feels like
They say let it **** you
Another enemy
or the reason I go forth
I hope to finally understand
why people lose their minds
And skin
to serpents wrapped around their necks

Blue
Purple
Haze

washing over me

I'll let go---
yes, I'll let go

The gazebos roof looked daunting

Hypnotic fear

The kind that
makes my *****
hot
sweaty
screaming for more of what you've got

Pulsating fear
sits in the core of my temples
I saw the source in the forest through it's
dark inconsistencies
A void

Branches,
loom
You're hand
You're light

I'll tell you,

Smug eyes
Dark circles
The notches in your wrist

It meant nothing

Your timing's uncanny
I stepped,
Lightly
Like the feathery flow the clouds give off every morning I wake

Wherever you went
I've lost you,
Indefinitely
There was a cave deep down somewhere along the road you traveled
Alone
A cave dripping with wet icicles
that drip with the boarder line,
Insane, temptation
to hit you dead,
In the center of your doe, eye
****,
God ******

We only see each other through the trees film
Between green goddess leaves
and the white on your teeth
You're Jesus, the devil, and my breathing lungs
Pull the trigger and let me bleed out,
Quickly
baby,
With haste

I found the trail of your fingernails
Torn and worn
Chewed up  like a cowboys tobacco
Spit in between your crooked toes
splattered on top of a yellow
mountain of decayed flesh,
Spit everywhere except inside the *** you  haphazardly aim for
Story of your life, kid
Story of mine

Your skin flakes glimmer,  in between
your mess of your
depressions merciless obliteration
You laughed,
With the insane vigor
the wolf displays when
he howls his affections to the moons
unrequited love

Love,
Blood dripping from the corner of my lip
My teeth found their scratching post
Ill crawl, crawl, crawl
under your covers
Ill search for your forearms
meaty assurance
Ill grab on tight
and tear at you until you're sure you can feel once more
Ill swim through your sheets sea of rage
so we can sit and laugh together
Laugh at,
the white walls, life, the old ladies yelling at the cockeyed birds, your feelings, mine, our love, or absence of it, my death and your death too
Together or apart
We will laugh
and find our refuge with the crazy wolves howling with passion  
that cuts like a knife
through our chains that keep us stuck,
Indefinitely.