You trace my skin with your eyes,
And your lips follow.
(My body tenses)
Up my breast, down my spine,
Thigh, mouth, thigh, neck, oh ****.
(Try to breathe)
You shower me with kisses
And you hold me with your smile.
I feel you. We are the same.
You sleep with at least one inch against me.
(You held my hand when we walked home)
You care.

I give up, I'm in love.

Take me to your island and
wrap me with your words
or hands and write mine
down
in inkt on your skin.
Pull me back and forth up and
down
untill I dance in fear and
can only find shelter in you.
Lock me to your arms or
your arms to me give me
all the invisible strength.
Use me as long as there's something and
leave me come back.
Steal me from myself and loose me.
But whatever you do love,
please don't break my heart.

No madame, I refuse
to do this one more time.
By the sight of my eyes on him
I can feel a danger coming.
I will not let a man, so beautiful,
destroy me once again.
Madame, please help me
for I am afraid.
I don't want him to break my bones
with every kiss he plants.
For he can make me take my weapons off
with the sparkle in his eye.
Madame, please, don't let me
do this one more time.
For I will not let the man go,
But he will not be mine.

To me
there is nothing
as terrifying as the
sudden feeling of a hand
on the outside of my lower leg.
Nothing scares me more than
a sudden realisation of
how beautiful he is to me.
Or his eyes who shift
from lust to love
and tell me
that I'm handsome.

Horror is my heart
as I fall in love with you.

The candles in my window have melted.
That's no big deal, I don't remember  the last time they were romanticising this room.
The streets are dry, the people here aren't used to it.
They live on the edge of sleep,
stopped eating two weeks ago.
Nobody touch me.

Untill suddenly the clouds shatter on our roof.

To be completely honest,
some days I purposely lean towards the things that trigger my crazy.
Because you see,
after a certain amount of years,
one can get used to the cold air in one's neck,
or the dellusional ideas.
(I'm going mad. My body's here but I am not really experiencing this moment.)
It has become a familiar, but still terrifying place.
On days like today I am too curious, if maybe I can still visit it.
And every single time I find out I can easily,
but it's much harder to leave.

I know
you would have
accepted my father day gifts
so I didn't have to cry every year in class.
And you would have never
let me leave the house like this.
I know you would have helped
when mom was too busy
******* a plummer
and my anxiety first popped up.
I know.
You'd have kept the bad boys away,
and taught me how to be strong.
I know you'd have told me about
self-respect
if you had only been here.