I cannot say I don't miss you  
in hushed tones of violet  
I cannot say I don't miss your  
rapid hands that wrapped  
around my fragile neck  
I cannot say I don't miss  
Your yellow mark bruises  
That washed against my skin
I cannot say I don't miss the  
violence that escaped your mouth
and found your way to your fists  
that brushed against my skin
on my legs, on my arms
on my face it found its place
Everywhere on my fragile body
that consisted of the words  
“she belongs to me”
I do not miss the hits that  
found their way to my once  
Unscratched face  
but somehow, I let you into  
my fragile life and you made  
a bruise out of me

be the orpheus to my eurydice
Love me with your songs that reach a wood nymph
dance ballets around my head with poems strung along
my heartstring that play your ballads
marry me in the woods that gather hush tone songs of
a happily ever after with you my dear orpheus
but when our happy ending doesn't quite reach
a tender heart beat do not fret
just search  the underworld for another chance
to find a joyous love with me
do not turn your head my beloved
for even if you cannot hear my soft footprints
ill always be behind you like a musical note
strung on your harp full of radiant strings
if you do not find love where you seek
you always have me Orpheus to where
our hearts meet in the tender green forest
where two lovers kiss quietly
beloved orpheus i will always be the song
to your beat and the poem to your heart
never stop looking for me in those places
where our connected hearts meet

don't be a *****
clicks a picture of my **** self

don't be a *****
my ******* dance to the floor

don't be a *****
another strangers bed my legs drag to

don't be a *****

I stare at his **** with a mouth wide open

don't be a *****
the camera starts to open

don't be a *****
I lay exhausted  in his bed

or was it someone else bed this time

don't be a *****
I shut my eyes close

don't be a *****
until tomorrow repeat

my flushed pink skin is laced with
delicate lingerie that blooms
my sealed virginity  in a secret garden
That no one can tame the weeds from
spreading in by caressing my body
In your tainted soil hands that pluck
my roses away one by one until
theres nothing left but a barren waste
land of dirt that no longer lets my
flowers bloom in outskirts of my ******
Youve plucked away at me
saying that roses are far too red for
a body that holds only the purest of colors
you stole my virginity by detaching my
body from the place it called its garden
You let the weeds grow inside of me
let the flowers wither down into nothing
now all i grow is the soil filled with weeds
my virginity cries at the stolen sight
that is no longer finger painted with beauty
my gardens virginity is a wasteland for a
***** that only grows weeds inside of me

suitcase
I packed a suitcase
to runaway into the
Netherlands  of tomorrow
it's blue, my suitcase
and the color reminds me
of sorrow that I've caused
so I'm sorry for leaving again
but me and my suitcase must go

yellow paint splattered
against my naked body
draw on it with your fingertips
spread me open to see my insides
squirm at the touch of you
I've been touched so many times
by other hands that were not yours
when your hands were finally ready
to grasp my body you felt the men
who had already smeared  their many
colors  inside of me
red paint splattered against you
for the many hues of colors you
spread inside of me
not only did you mix red with yellow
but blue, purple and green were mixed
inside the likes of me by men who grazed
my body with their eyes that peered inside
my holes that soon engulfed their many
colors and eventually yellow paint wasn't enough
and a rainbow grew inside of me from the men
who chased their colors deeper into my body
while you stood by and eventually faded to gray

I wonder what you
think in the shower
as your body is
exposed to the thoughts
your inner mind holds
do you think about the
regret you never spoke to
the cries you never let out
the moments you wish didn't
happen when you didn't
know what to do
when your body is there
naked and vulnerable without
someone there to hold you close
do you wonder this while the
water hits you in places you
swear you'd never let touch
does it make you wonder
of all the things you could
have said but your mouth
didn't let the words come out
is this what your shower is like
in the middle of the night

let me carry you through
water tides that crash
against your thighs
let me love you
through air that has
sunken words out of your mouth
let me be you through
winds that graze through your
many fields that hold
different versions of you
let me call you mine
through letting my voice
be carried out into yours
to sink into your skin
and find a place to settle
into a body filled with
life that I can never obtain

rosy red cheeks
flushed between my knees
cracks in my shoulders
that leave flowers to go through
my back needs to be watered
for my flowers are withered
my legs are no longer roses
that hold red between them
my inner thighs are lacking
your touch that sprouted
lilies in the place you were
my cheeks need landscapes
that fill them with acres
of daisy's that don't seem to
hold back the weeds beyond me
my eyes are the mud with how brown
they reflect against the sun
to fertilize my flowers that grow
within a dead body that wishes
for her youth back
I miss my flowers that are
now just specks of withered
roses intertwined with weeds

yes I'm a mess
im the cluttered drawer
in your tiny kitchen
that you only pull out
once when you've misplaced
an item of great need
but I'm blessed to be
a mess only meant for you

I could write a
thousand poems
about you and me
but they'll never
bring you back

you fell involve with the wrong person
Helplessly and hopelessly
you can fall in love with anybody
but that doesn't mean they're the someone
for your body that aches for another soul to
share your dreams with and compare your
Achievements with
when your heart falls apart don't worry
Because theres countless loves out
there waiting for somebody like you
theres a heartbeat ready to sing with yours
ready to hear the i love you tainted in their
ears forever being binned by you
just because you feel involve with
someone who doesn't appreciate you
Doesn't mean the one out there isn't
waiting for you to join their heart
to love them with you whole body
you fell in love with the wrong person
and i get that it upsets you
but my dear one day you'll meet
the person who fulfills you
with all their love and care
that they could ever bring you

different people
same bodies
they all collide like a kaleidoscope
of the same colors and shapes
They're all different though
but terrifyingly the same
they share the same personality
that oozes out of their horrid bodies
they mock and cry at pain that they've
cause to my dismay
They're always different people
but connected to the same entity
trapped in cages they cry at the
Steel bars that lock their bodies
to shams with no escape
Are they really that different from
the body they once shared many
Years ago that beat my heart
Relentlessly
im tired of seeing the same people
sewed into different bodies that
taunt me the same way as before
just people trying to escape a body
They've never fought for

why doesn't he respond back to me?
why doesn't he love me?
simply, to be put,
you failed his expectations

Broken glass
stained on white bedsheets
caressing your body in their shards
not letting me close to the touch
of your body that sinks away from mine
it swallows you  
breaking from me
I wish I could touch you
in those bedsheets
you're grasped too tightly
in the shards of glass

massacring mood for jokes
little bells during months
symbolize the whims
the bed displayed
he decided the last thing
he would ever do for her
he reached the limits of his patience
within a few hours that bed
dedicated a second time
he insisted on photographing
imagined hypocrisy
and loose women

I regret being with you
and I can't wait to look
you in those ugly blue eyes
and tell you how worthless
you are to me

I loved you for many reasons
but if I asked for a reason of yours
you'd stare blankly and say
because it's you

get over him
the words roll out
of their mouths
I am over him
my mind tells
my broken heart
or at least I think I am

I'm so sick and tired
of all of you boys who
act like I'm just a reachable toy
I'm not so shiny when your
hands touch and dull me
I'm so sick of the way you look
at me like I'm a prize
I'm sick and tired of these boys

he buys flowers for her on Wednesdays
not because he's supposed to or
even if her last petal falls and she's
in need of a few more
but because Wednesdays are for her
she deserves ever last flower
on every single day
but ill stick to our Wednesdays
and buy her flowers meant for more

I’m tired of being seen as a *****
My clothes do not determine my
Self worth that shields this body
I’m contained in by society’s views
Of what woman should do
I am not a *****
The words thrown at my face
Used by those who don’t wish to
Spread their legs
I am not a *****
By the way I dress
The way I speak
The way I look
You do not define me
A ***** if you decide to call
Me that so viciously
Maybe look in a mirror
And write the words
That speak from lip to lip
Over to where my ear is
Because I am not the *****
You speak of so easily

sometimes I check
your Instagram
only to see
pictures of you and her

the clock struck midnight
I wasn't Cinderella losing her shoe
it was a whole eight months without you
and there was nothing I could do
to reverse losing you

I fell in love with you five times
the first when you gradated
I've never cheered or let alone
screamed someones name so loud
that I had to cover my mouth
for being so embarrassed I had yelled
out your name in a crowd full of strangers
the second time was at the lake
when you held me in your arms while
my body still touched water
and your eyes glistened for the first time
I saw a future written with me in it
the third time you bought me a ring
for our 6 month anniversary
you spent hours looking for one and when
you popped it open and started to record
I couldn't think
is that what a proposal from you will feel like
the forth time
you chose me over your mother
but only for a second and I could feel
you finally being mine
the fifth and final time
is still sadly now

I love your poetry
but did you see the pen that glistened
that ink felt blood dripped openly
on paper that seemed so endless
You write everything so clearly
but in my mind it shattered everywhere
you should be a poet
but poetry isn't me
I write until dusk kisses dawn sweetly
I stay up nights endless
I stutter for words that seem together perfectly
I love you poetry
but my poetry is never me

I wouldn't want to glow
like the sun for her beauty
is only meant to show
when no one else is looking

kiss me under you breath
only when she's gone
will I feel your lips against mine

i slipped out of your white silken sheets quietly
you heard me in my tip toe dancing
suddenly you stirred up in a frantic state staring at me desperately
with a pain waving in your eyes you softly spoke with words tangling side by side
we need a break you muttered under your breath
barley able to understand i started to dress my naked body shaded with vulnerability
i thought you loved me i screamed
your eyes glanced down in a heavy hurry to shield your guilt from me
you told me to leave
and my body stood out of place in a room full of love filled memories
my body trembled in anger
in sadness
In denial
i gathered my things in a quick pace
leaving the bedroom that was filled with things that were made by two
i left your memory in a forgetful place
i left your heart that was half of mine into the back of my mind
for only love from you was replaced with a wretched hate
Those white silken sheets that wrapped our bodies
now wrapped a memory of things i did not want to think
of the things that could of been between us two

I am nothing but bone
on rib cages that peak out
at the smell of food that I
deprive my body of
my skin has withered down to
the tightness that grasps at my body
food is non appealing to me
even though my nose inhales the smell
my mouth waters at food that it will never touch
my eyes have grown tired my skin gone pale
theres deep bags under my eyes and I try
not to concentrate on the being in the mirror
because that is not me but someone else who
deprives her body of food that will fill her
curves and edges but instead bones poke out
cutting like sharp ridges
I got skinny, for myself couldn't take
the small fat that covered my body

I have *** with strangers
Everytime I do I seem to
Always think of just you
I know it's wrong to do
I just wish it was you

if you ever have thoughts
of I'm not good enough
please don't listen to them
for you are the world in my hand
the reason I dream instead of wake
you are the person that I call
when other don't answer
you are the dream that consists of
flowers rooted to my feet
I don't want you to leave
I don't want to give you up
for a world that does not measure up
to a beautiful soul that resides inside of you
I know it hurts you deeply
but to feel is beautiful
to not breathe is taking the breath out of me
please do not go into another world
that does not know you like I do
the world here, with me, is the one for you
dont leave me without you
don't end your life that
I hold dearly to my heart
that only resides inside of you

you're ugly inside and out
you said as we fought over
who was right or wrong for
the hundredth time
those words punctured me
took away my beauty that
had flourished steadily
in a body that rejected herself
you brought me back to that state
to where I thought maybe I was ugly
and you too would decide even a flower
will eventually start to decay
I was the flower you loved
the flower you picked from soil
only to be tossed away by the words
that drained from the lips I've kissed
many times from corner to corner
you took away my self-love
the beauty I held in my hand for only
me to see how little but surely it
had been growing just for you
to say so harshly
you're ugly inside and out

ill hold my breath
till the day you
say you love me under
hazy horizons that don't
have our names written
in the many skies

I made a scrapbook
containing of memories
that lasted an eternity
in the picture of a Polaroid
we were happy as can be
an arm strung over my hip
a smile tugged at the lips
eyes that glided and gazed at me
we were the sun and moon
waving hello as the other one showed
you were my stars that twinkled in
daylight and I was your sky
that made horizons that touched your life
those memories will now forever be
in the picture of a Polaroid
as we cease to exists in this world
that was short lived for the existence
of us two

paint me like Van Gogh  
draw me in your milky sky  
that only holds  stars in place  
through your artistic eyes  
show me how the midnight sky can  
hold a beauty for a person like me  
show me that I too can swirl in  
place with colors of yellow and white  
I want to be the paint within your soul  
to create me to life with the brush of a stroke
paint all my colors bold even the dark  
ones where a story is told  
I want to see it through your eyes  
that holds my beauty in your  
milky starry sky

he said I was crazy
but did he tell you
about how the vase
smashed across my face
how his hands that were
supposed to caress me
slapped my cheekbones
how his lips were meant
for tender kisses
only spat words of demeaning hate
did he tell you how his love for me
was only when I had done something
right but when I was wrong
I was told I was worthless
did he tell you that his friends
hated me because I was crazy
but only because he told his
half of the story
did he tell you he cheats on me
but its only cheating if I don't find out
and god forbid I found a man
that wasn't like him
but I'm still crazy because
he was with me until
I stepped out and found
someone who found
me beautiful in the eyes of him

echo into the night
that I wish you were here
only to be found in the moons
bitterness of a starless night

I've written a poem for you
or rather about you
pages upon pages filled with grief
my pen gliding across tear stained pages
of memories  recite on paper that will be
filled with other girls tears
you gave me the power of writing my
grief into thousands of unpublished paper
my poems will speak to girls who cannot
find the words their hearts seek when the
boy she loves finally decides to leave

why don't you weigh less
why aren't you pretty enough
why do you look so manly
why aren't you looking like a girl
thoughts like these run through our heads
we tear the foundations are bodies have built
peel back the cement that holds our walls
so that were naked to a vulnerable state
of wanting more than what our bodies can offer
to the home I stand on that I've learned not to love
to the home I've broken windows to
to prevent home invasion from words that I say
to myself
I hate you
to have this body that seeks the comfort of me
only to get betrayal from the person she seeks
the very comfort of
I'm sorry I don't call you home enough
I'm sorry I'm not the person to obtain a body of such
I love you even though sometimes
I dont show that you are home

the only time
I ever see you
is when my eyes
are shut and
I start to dream

im not as nice to myself
as I am to other people
who love their bodies
for being so simple
I hate my body that
isn't consisted of home
I hate that I am not beautiful
like the girl crossing the road
im ugly towards myself
pulling at my fat saying
why can't you away and
let me be skinny
I scream at my acne
saying why can't you be
clear like girls on magazines
im cruel to a body that has always
supported me and let me
call it home
I love myself
let me be home

I never saw coffee swirls
until I looked into the
browns of your eyes

purple dress
yellow shoes
heaven shines on you
red hair twirling
in sunlight caught
by wind blowing
tip toe dancing
on my sides with you
watching our lips
meet to reproduce
a kiss with you
throw me up into the
sky with your hands
and watch me twirl
with the stars that dance

im braless in my white t-shirt
you can see all of me
even down to my rigid ****** sticking
out so apparently
i see their shocked faces as they take in
the sight of me
am i shocking enough that my ******* aren't covered up
do i shake the very floor you stand on with my indecency
I dont cover my exposed ******* or the ****** that
pokes its head out to see its surroundings
do i make these grown men uncomfortable
with my body that has curves over her dimes
these men that catcall on a daily are scared
of a women with no bra to cover a simple ******
oh how men rattle my brain with their selected
intake on a woman’s body
how they take us apart with their knives
Cut us apart like we are there for their dissection
im just a woman letting my body be free from
a mens gaze that they think can haunt me
me being braless isn't a step to regain
Freedom from their sleepy gazes
but it’s a step in being a woman
with a bra constraining mens faces

daylight breaks through my window
you're still not here to hold me though
oh where did you go
why did you leave me to
watch the sun through the window

don't judge a book by its cover
I should have judged you
by the way you smiled

I am an old thrifted shirt
that you squeal in delight
when you see I'm only
three dollars and some change
you'll wear me once or twice
I'm happy with just that
to hug your body in my
clothing would be just fine

I wish you could see me
the way I dripped in the
sweet memories of you

causes unknown
hatred for those who
lied to my face
about what they had carried into
my body that was once so clean
yesterday was so different from today when I found out the news
dont say you didn't know
I can see through those lies you've spoken to other girls
a disease you've carried into me, one of those girls you added to a list