why doesn't he respond back to me?
why doesn't he love me?
simply, to be put,
you failed his expectations

I'm so sick and tired
of all of you boys who
act like I'm just a reachable toy
I'm not so shiny when your
hands touch and dull me
I'm so sick of the way you look
at me like I'm a prize
I'm sick and tired of these boys

I’m tired of being seen as a *****
My clothes do not determine my
Self worth that shields this body
I’m contained in by society’s views
Of what woman should do
I am not a *****
The words thrown at my face
Used by those who don’t wish to
Spread their legs
I am not a *****
By the way I dress
The way I speak
The way I look
You do not define me
A ***** if you decide to call
Me that so viciously
Maybe look in a mirror
And write the words
That speak from lip to lip
Over to where my ear is
Because I am not the *****
You speak of so easily

I fell in love with you five times
the first when you gradated
I've never cheered or let alone
screamed someones name so loud
that I had to cover my mouth
for being so embarrassed I had yelled
out your name in a crowd full of strangers
the second time was at the lake
when you held me in your arms while
my body still touched water
and your eyes glistened for the first time
I saw a future written with me in it
the third time you bought me a ring
for our 6 month anniversary
you spent hours looking for one and when
you popped it open and started to record
I couldn't think
is that what a proposal from you will feel like
the forth time
you chose me over your mother
but only for a second and I could feel
you finally being mine
the fifth and final time
is still sadly now

he buys flowers for her on Wednesdays
not because he's supposed to or
even if her last petal falls and she's
in need of a few more
but because Wednesdays are for her
she deserves ever last flower
on every single day
but ill stick to our Wednesdays
and buy her flowers meant for more

**** can go both ways
whether I wear a pretty
little thing or if I
wear sleeves that cover up
my shoulders but when
they decide to cut off my will
strangle me up and cut off my
pretty little wear to where it
hits onto the floor
don't tell me its my fault
that these things happen to us girls
for the things we wear to shield
our bodies from hands that do not belong
do not tell me **** is my fault
for the pretty things I wear

ill hold my breath
till the day you
say you love me under
hazy horizons that don't
have our names written
in the many skies

sunset eyes that take
away the beauty thats
placed in the skyline
meet with my puddled blue
eyes and kiss me with sunset skies

I loved you for many reasons
but if I asked for a reason of yours
you'd stare blankly and say
because it's you

kiss me under you breath
only when she's gone
will I feel your lips against mine

yellow paint splattered
against my naked body
draw on it with your fingertips
spread me open to see my insides
squirm at the touch of you
I've been touched so many times
by other hands that were not yours
when your hands were finally ready
to grasp my body you felt the men
who had already smeared  their many
colors  inside of me
red paint splattered against you
for the many hues of colors you
spread inside of me
not only did you mix red with yellow
but blue, purple and green were mixed
inside the likes of me by men who grazed
my body with their eyes that peered inside
my holes that soon engulfed their many
colors and eventually yellow paint wasn't enough
and a rainbow grew inside of me from the men
who chased their colors deeper into my body
while you stood by and eventually faded to gray

I wish you could see me
the way I dripped in the
sweet memories of you

why can men have ***
and not be called a *****
but when my virginity dies
and dies and dies
I'm considered one of those girls
who's tainted by other men who
they suddenly scored
im not a *****
not to myself at least
you can call my virginity dead
but she still belongs to me

causes unknown
hatred for those who
lied to my face
about what they had carried into
my body that was once so clean
yesterday was so different from today when I found out the news
dont say you didn't know
I can see through those lies you've spoken to other girls
a disease you've carried into me, one of those girls you added to a list

echo into the night
that I wish you were here
only to be found in the moons
bitterness of a starless night

*** is a beautiful thing
I've never seen two bodies
connect with their souls on
top of their heads that make
noises far too able to comprehend
I see two lovers kiss
mouths gliding over another
and deeper into her body
but when I see you
look past the body and into
your lifeless eyes as she gazes
beyond those eyes and into
another world for too much
for me to understand
I wonder where you go
when she's thinking of your touch
your body melting into hers
I wonder if *** is something you
crave with her
or something you've denied to long for

when you opened your camera
my vulnerability sank through
eyes wide open mouth glued shut
I couldn't resist the flash that
reflected my openness face
the camera sees into things
that I don't want it to
pushed up against a pillow
my body tangled in air
being a victim to your camera
that continues to record
don't see through me
don't let it flash against my
naked body thats only supposed
to be touched by human hands
and not the flash of a camera

don't be a *****
clicks a picture of my **** self

don't be a *****
my ******* dance to the floor

don't be a *****
another strangers bed my legs drag to

don't be a *****

I stare at his **** with a mouth wide open

don't be a *****
the camera starts to open

don't be a *****
I lay exhausted  in his bed

or was it someone else bed this time

don't be a *****
I shut my eyes close

don't be a *****
until tomorrow repeat

my friends tell me
not to have ***
on the first date
ill look easy they say
when two bodies meet
and try to touch every
part of their being
it's being too easy
when fingertips touch
a passing moment of grasping sheets
it's too easy
my heart doesn't long for yours
my body doesn't ache for your connection
I wish I wasn't easy
I wish I didn't please you
having *** with you took a piece of me
I wish I wasn't easy

I never saw coffee swirls
until I looked into the
browns of your eyes

I slept in a strangers bed again
it was comforting having someones
arms finally around me
when I left I felt hollow again
*** is so temporary that I had
forgotten my name when he
whispered his in my ear
I had forgotten I was in a strangers bed
wrapped around in arms id soon forget
when I got home I was alone in my room
the strangers bed had gone and left me
feeling even lonelier than ever
in a room that should have felt like home

put your tongue
inside the abyss of my mouth
let me swallow your entire being
as you try to wiggle out
you've done this to me
dried me out of my own self
left me hanging in the wind
and finally oh finally do I see
the empty shallow being you've left of me
don't be afraid when you see only my eyes
in the darkness that now engulfs you
for I am everything you need now
and I'm here forever even if you don't need me

Broken glass
stained on white bedsheets
caressing your body in their shards
not letting me close to the touch
of your body that sinks away from mine
it swallows you  
breaking from me
I wish I could touch you
in those bedsheets
you're grasped too tightly
in the shards of glass

all she wants is your attention
as your eyes wonder in different directions
love pours out of her mouth and tries
to soak into you skin to build a garden
of roses that can't be plucked but admired
by those who walk by and dare touch her roses
she's laid upon your body in shades of red
she whispers she loves you
to which your ear is pressed against the memory
of another ones lips
you can't love a person who's planted roses where
another body has already planted their flowers underneath

the only time
I ever see you
is when my eyes
are shut and
I start to dream

get over him
the words roll out
of their mouths
I am over him
my mind tells
my broken heart
or at least I think I am

don't judge a book by its cover
I should have judged you
by the way you smiled

I am nothing but bone
on rib cages that peak out
at the smell of food that I
deprive my body of
my skin has withered down to
the tightness that grasps at my body
food is non appealing to me
even though my nose inhales the smell
my mouth waters at food that it will never touch
my eyes have grown tired my skin gone pale
theres deep bags under my eyes and I try
not to concentrate on the being in the mirror
because that is not me but someone else who
deprives her body of food that will fill her
curves and edges but instead bones poke out
cutting like sharp ridges
I got skinny, for myself couldn't take
the small fat that covered my body

sometimes the sun will rest
from her spot in the blue sky
and that is when sunshine will break

I've written a poem for you
or rather about you
pages upon pages filled with grief
my pen gliding across tear stained pages
of memories  recite on paper that will be
filled with other girls tears
you gave me the power of writing my
grief into thousands of unpublished paper
my poems will speak to girls who cannot
find the words their hearts seek when the
boy she loves finally decides to leave

I've never recalled you dancing
when your heart sang with mine

I have *** with strangers
Everytime I do I seem to
Always think of just you
I know it's wrong to do
I just wish it was you

the clock struck midnight
I wasn't Cinderella losing her shoe
it was a whole eight months without you
and there was nothing I could do
to reverse losing you

I am an old thrifted shirt
that you squeal in delight
when you see I'm only
three dollars and some change
you'll wear me once or twice
I'm happy with just that
to hug your body in my
clothing would be just fine

I wouldn't want to glow
like the sun for her beauty
is only meant to show
when no one else is looking

I want to be a plant
I smiled sheepishly
why oh why would you ever want to be that
they rolled their eyes at me always
but never so slightly
plants
they're so beautiful
with long limbs that dance gracefully
with the leaves intact
they hold caressing colors that catch
even a bees eyes when gathering pollen
they stand tall, some droopy but ever so
just like me
they're unnoticed for some are weeds
that get cut under a lawn mower
but somehow grow back brilliant shades of yellow
I want to be a plant that you hold in your hands
smell my perfume that reaches your nose
let me be all these things
for even a plant can be beautiful to me

I am the crinkle in your shirt
that laps over when the iron
can't catch on just right
I smother you in my needs
that you intend to ignore
you can't ignore a wrinkle
in your clothes however
so for you to notice me
ill be just that when you
least need me

I wonder what you
think in the shower
as your body is
exposed to the thoughts
your inner mind holds
do you think about the
regret you never spoke to
the cries you never let out
the moments you wish didn't
happen when you didn't
know what to do
when your body is there
naked and vulnerable without
someone there to hold you close
do you wonder this while the
water hits you in places you
swear you'd never let touch
does it make you wonder
of all the things you could
have said but your mouth
didn't let the words come out
is this what your shower is like
in the middle of the night

ill always smile for you
but never for me

I want to erase myself
sometimes when people
dont notice that I'm not
right in the head
and not just right for you

have you ever wore a mood ring
I heard it describes your emotions
when you, yourself can not pull through
it has beautiful colors of blue, pink, purple
it all reminds me of the colors you made me
feel when I was with you, because you were
the ring I wore on my finger that calmed me
down when I wasn't feeling too sober
you are the mood ring that brings out
all the colors inside me to make them
look as beautiful as they do, to where
they'll never wear off and will always be
beside me on the ring finger where you
were supposed to be but instead I have
my mood ring placed there

I wish the moon
would always kiss
the sun when he
showed up in dusk
until it met with dawn
I wish he'd pass her by
slowly to admire her beauty
that radiated off her and shone
on all the stars to see
I wish the moon would
realize  the sun
was the only star in the night sky
that stayed with him on the other side

he loved her
but not like much
others clearly do
he only loved her
when she was noticed
out of the blue
he only loved her
when others cared too
he only loved her when
she made an effort not to
he only loved her when
she didn't cry over his
remarkable lies told
from time to time
he only loved her
when she loved herself
and held no room for his
love that was only meant
for show in front of others
she finally loved herself
from within without
the help of him

yes I'm a mess
im the cluttered drawer
in your tiny kitchen
that you only pull out
once when you've misplaced
an item of great need
but I'm blessed to be
a mess only meant for you

you're ugly inside and out
you said as we fought over
who was right or wrong for
the hundredth time
those words punctured me
took away my beauty that
had flourished steadily
in a body that rejected herself
you brought me back to that state
to where I thought maybe I was ugly
and you too would decide even a flower
will eventually start to decay
I was the flower you loved
the flower you picked from soil
only to be tossed away by the words
that drained from the lips I've kissed
many times from corner to corner
you took away my self-love
the beauty I held in my hand for only
me to see how little but surely it
had been growing just for you
to say so harshly
you're ugly inside and out

I made a scrapbook
containing of memories
that lasted an eternity
in the picture of a Polaroid
we were happy as can be
an arm strung over my hip
a smile tugged at the lips
eyes that glided and gazed at me
we were the sun and moon
waving hello as the other one showed
you were my stars that twinkled in
daylight and I was your sky
that made horizons that touched your life
those memories will now forever be
in the picture of a Polaroid
as we cease to exists in this world
that was short lived for the existence
of us two

daylight breaks through my window
you're still not here to hold me though
oh where did you go
why did you leave me to
watch the sun through the window

massacring mood for jokes
little bells during months
symbolize the whims
the bed displayed
he decided the last thing
he would ever do for her
he reached the limits of his patience
within a few hours that bed
dedicated a second time
he insisted on photographing
imagined hypocrisy
and loose women

I cannot say I don't miss you  
in hushed tones of violet  
I cannot say I don't miss your  
rapid hands that wrapped  
around my fragile neck  
I cannot say I don't miss  
Your yellow mark bruises  
That washed against my skin
I cannot say I don't miss the  
violence that escaped your mouth
and found your way to your fists  
that brushed against my skin
on my legs, on my arms
on my face it found its place
Everywhere on my fragile body
that consisted of the words  
“she belongs to me”
I do not miss the hits that  
found their way to my once  
Unscratched face  
but somehow, I let you into  
my fragile life and you made  
a bruise out of me

I could write a
thousand poems
about you and me
but they'll never
bring you back