Helplessly prostrated
A head hung in defeat
Heart filled with unspoken requests
Like taboos too scared to be let out into the open
Lest one expects too much
Wishes and desires
Dreams and miracles
All the impossibles
And more than I could deserve
Oh Lord
This life longs to go home
Slowly and painfully weaved destiny
With ditches that were filled in
Bit by bit
Your remembrance like a soft breeze
Caressing soothing
Floating distressed dishevelled
Disappointments away
And really now I see
I believe
In reasons and purpose
And the best You wanted for me
I feel the mercy of thick skin
No more sensitive cry myself to sleep
No shocks or hidden surprises
I've been at my lowest
Now nothing fazes me
Patiently slowly
I feel a drizzle
The rain of light
And I feel myself float towards You
Drown me in Your mercy
Set aflame the desire to seek Your approval
Your Love is an empty kind of full
Everything slips through these fingers like soft silky grains of sand
But I know the desert is mine
And this world offers a life of craving to feel full
But empty is all we really get
I am a free slave of my own submission

Little by little
She earns and watches it crumble away
Quicker than she could blink
Faster than she could save
To laugh and cry at the same time
Desperation and relief all rolled into one
All is well until the next utility bill comes along
And so mundane hours begin once again
Double shift
Still never enough
Hand to mouth
That's all she's ever known
A little bump and she falls off the treadmill

I will bottle it up
And ***** the lid on tight
Bite my fingernails to oblivion
And slow dance to death
I can't help it
Every once in a while
It hurts like a new type of pain I've never felt before
And pushes me deeper into the pits of hell
I just want to lay down
And watch the cloud of smoke make a sky above my head
I want to fly away
But I run instead
Turn around and pretend it never happened
I practice stopping my heart beating in my chest
Paralyse my limbs from the toes upwards
Hold my breath and count to ten
Twirl like a madman until I'm dizzy and sick
I want to walk forever
Just me and the music
Let the cold take me
Numb and blue
I don't belong here
I don't know what I'm doing
In my head is where God lives
He has angels and they'll come to visit
I'm grieving for the sun
That does not miss me
I'm dying to be burned by its embers

Toil and trouble
He went through it all
Just a man yet so much more
He was the seal of prophet hood

Orphan child
Never knew his mother
But brought with him all parents rights
And love for children alike

Illiterate and uneducated
Yet not a word was taken for granted
Read in the name of Your Lord
A duty upon believers to seek knowledge

A noble and trustworthy tradesman
His character and personality spoke for him
Can you imagine in those times
A woman proposed to him

Committed to his mission
Peace treaties and alliances
Evicting racism and hatred
He even fought with rules and principles

He preached for the sake of brother hood
Humanity and love
We were all one
No nationality, no patriotism

Such responsibility
Yet never a burden
Beaten and exiled he lost his wife and kids
Still he carried on for us

Courageous and fearless
Never judged anyone by their past or looks
Open minded and tolerant
Even when he was helpless

Jewish neighbours
And Christian cousin in laws
He believed in good relations
And practised what was preached

He spoke of a time riddled with strife
Temptations with every breath
Those people would be tested the most
And he prayed for people he never met

Yes we love him
Because he guided us to right
Showed us a perfect example
The role model we all aspire to

You showed me the light
Yet I was taken in by its reflection
And when you told me what is right
I knew you had a point
There's something a little scary about knowing I should feel bad
    And I'm only sorry that I don't
Guilt should be the driving force
Helping me make the U turn
But I made a decision and I'm going to stand by it
I like how I'm rolling
Cruising down the highway
Making my own decisions
Steamrolling all the signs
Sometimes the heart, sometimes the brain is steering
I'm making a pavement where I have never walked before
Uncertain of where it's leading
Intentions have to count for something
And maybe one day it will all come to standstill
It whatever it is
Can crash and burn out
And that day
The rain will dance around me
I'll say that life was in my hands
And I trusted the unspoken promises my eyes showed me
Like the call to prayer
Or the confession of first love
And on these very lashes they'll snap like weak thread strings
Sheer luck, belief and destiny
Will get me far
And that alone will be worth it
Pushing the limits
Testing patience
Testing life and what it had to offer me
I set out seeking an unknown treasure
Hoping I'll never hear
I told you so
You never listen
At least I'll have a rainbow
And you know what they say about rainbows right?
They lead to a *** of gold
I'll never get there if I'm afraid of getting wet

I wish to greet you in peace
Hands up in surrender
Smile on my face
Leaving love to remember

Come and take me
Where my soul dwells
I've overstayed my welcome
A guest amongst travellers

Beyond what the mind can imagine
Lies more than the heart could ever believe
Nothing could make life so insignificant
As He who called me

I submit!
Glory be to Him the most high
The merciful
The supreme

I pray I plead
This world be a pleasant diary
That contains all wants and needs
To Your decree

Of how I prayed when it rained
And always put my right foot first
A hand extended in giving to the needy
In Your remembrance I breathed

Although I wandered
I was not lost in the crowd
Along my journey
I kept my true destination in mind

Armed with knowledge
I dealt in respect and tolerance
I stood in defence of Your creation
And humbly served what You asked of me

To forgive like it was the only answer
The way I hoped You would forgive me
And love for Your sake alone
Not expecting anything in return

I'll hide you like the stars in the city and
Keep you like a secret
The way we wake up and
Pretend we're not dying every single day
In a padlock of parallel realms
We could be friends
Like cheesy smiles at cliches
It's possible that these deja vu's are of previous lifetimes
And these couple of days are your forevers

In the vehicle of imagination she travelled the world and beyond
And when life knocked her down
She rolled over and bathed in the light of the stars
She lived in a bubble
And breathed in a child like resilience
Unaware of the troubles she refused to believe in
Luck was embroidered into her back
Adventure became the wings
Her face a picture of naive innocence
She clapped when she was happy
To the tune of laughter
I always thought it was because
It made her feel alive by believing in herself
You know like Tinkerbell the fairy

She resided in smiles that were her strength
And wore love like protection
She spoke to heartbeats
In the language of dreams
Her eyes reached silences that dealt in prayers
She is whom poets borrow their words from

Some days I want to do nothing but write
Grab the moment
Dwell in it for life
Fingers that itch to bleed letters
So I let them fall
From a mind that buzzes with nothing but white noise until it can be seen before me
I can hear non existent conversations
Words that make new meanings
Until meaningless starts to make sense
And I wish I could feed on it
But then I remember how it will leave me
Alone and mute
Some days nothing comes to mind
And I wonder if that part of me has died
One hit wonders
It happens all the time
I'll still write
No quality
It lacks shine
Leaving discontent behind
And I long for old times
Still it's mine
It deserves a post
To those words I can't be unjust
Then like a whirlwind tornado
Something unexpected will set me off
The ball starts rolling
And I'll write words in the air with my fingers
Committing them to memory
Bringing them to life
And that is when you too
Can feel the passion

She dreamt of sunken people who spoke of hope
And iron hearts who bled empathy
Hunger that fed on peace
War which longed to unite with life
Immortal ethics set in practice
Children who never escaped childhood
Flowers that refused to die
And love which was incapable of lies
She dreamt of dreams coming true
But awoke to a full blown strife
Still she believed with all her might

**** good intentions
All I see is bottles spilling at the seams
Grey and purple fumes
Lies that speak of truth
Swear by your mother
Bad habits have no conditions
Call upon your maker
Even He would not take you
Traitor
Look me in the eye and tell me your narrative
Make yourself the tragic victim
And life the vile villain
If you think I am the kind hearted heroine
I swear to tell you I don't care
One tomorrow I'll turn my back and walk away
I'll write to you my story
Of the protagonist who was on a quest
She searched for the antidote against her guilty conscious
Cut down the excess baggage
And was rewarded her peace with freedom

I stayed quiet
Just silent
What is left to say
I have nothing to prove
And if you don't believe me
Well it shows how much you know
I have no justification
Just that it happened
No apologies
I don't think I did anything wrong
And yeah I'm stubborn
I won't argue my point
It's the silent rebel in me
That gets to you the most
So try to figure me out
Analyse all that made me who I am
I'm a puzzle
Who wishes to remain a mystery
Even to myself

Your eyes
Every time I close mine
I see yours burning into me
Staring helplessly
Silently pleading
Asking the answers to unspoken questions
Its always the why's
I can't answer
You looked like I pulled a gun right to your head
Did you see the look in mine?
A rabbit in the headlights
Anything to avoid having that conversation
Surface pleasantries
Neither of us is feeling
How are you doing
Sorry I'm really busy
I have to go
But both of us knew
It was a lie
I wasn't really sorry
I hope you'll forgive me
It was nice to see you though
Back on your feet
I hope your happy
You should be

Step out into the depths of the night
Do it often
And watch yourself own it
Develop the ability to overcome fear
Night vision
You got this
Or stand back
And double lock your front door
Let it ******* you
Fear the dark
And all the monsters in it

Take a few steps with me
No words
Just hand in hand
Let us walk together for once

It's time to take blame for the raindrops
On your eyelashes
That you can see reflected in my eyes
Was it your hand or mine?

I'll give you reason to breathe
Within you I'll find reason to live
It's time to stop painting one another red
What if your child was mine?

Come to my house and we'll go on a picnic
To the most beautiful park
So relaxing and peaceful under a bright blue sky
I promise you will want to come back

I will show you the cornfields
Alongside the roses
My people work so hard
They are most welcoming

*I dreamt of you last night
We were together
You never stopped holding my hand
And we just walked side by side as far as we could go

We walked through your home
It rained but we held on
Seeking shelter at mine
No one stopped you

We just walked straight through
No borders
No visas
My land had your flag

And yours had mine

Kindness is the key to life
Because it shows respect
Peaceful people pray in harmony
Because it shows respect

Doves soaring through the deep blue sky
Destroying conflict between you and I
Freedom standing in the light
Making choices that are always right

When you show respect to others
In all you say and do
The respect that you have offered
Will be given back to you

Speak with courtesy and with kindness
And honour rules with pride
Listen, learn, treat others well
And you'll find your own self respect inside

She went back
To the mouth of danger
Tempted the fates
Put her sanity at stake

Risk is half the strength
Love is mostly reckless
Second nature habits
Hurt is what you become accustomed to

Everything you say hits a little closer to home 
It's slightly below the belt
Like a soccer punch to the gut
And I just laugh it off 
Because with me
Everything is just a joke 
I would laugh at a funeral 
But how would you know 
I'm good at ruining things
It's what I do best
Always my fault 
So I keep secrets 
You don't know the half of it 
I'd rather seem cold and calculating 
Heartless and ruthless 
Because caring will show you the real me 
And I don't like who that is 
A bunch of insecurities 
Flaws stitched together 
With good intentions 
A past smudged with reasons to forget 
Lies that make me everything I am 
People who turned their backs and ran
Trust that I found hard to get 
Played like a game and now I'm in debt 
Don't tell me you care
Don't make me trip 
I am no one anyone can fix

Love letters in the sand
Today 
Tomorrows destiny will be written 
And I'm hoping it will be with you 
You live in my imagination 
In the lids of my eyes
You come alive in my dreams
Looking out at the pure sea
The winds bid me farewell 
But me, I have made friends
With the night 
In the absence of the moon 
Where your eyes are the only light 
Let the wind carry my words to you

I poured red bull into my coffee this morning
Now I listen to the sounds of colours fade 
And I'm not sure if life is making sense
Or I've lied so much I'm just starting to believe my own *******
So take me to the mosque 
I want to pray 
Offer me redemption 
And I'll take it
Take me home 
I want an ice cream sandwich 
I want to take a nap
I'll watch life is beautiful 
And cry at the subtitles
I want to speak Italian
And turn this into a game 
I want to wake up tomorrow
And start all over again

You're so wrong and right and good at the same time mixed with an equal amount of bad
It's like you're the scar without the memory of how I got it 
The unfinished conversations
a to be continued story
because if it's not a happy ending
then how can it be over 
So I'll let you find me
drain me
and weigh me down
I'll cry myself to sleep almost every single night 
then adjust my eyes to the light 
if it shines my way 
or maybe it could blind me 
I don't mind either way
because love is there somewhere
tough 
but it's there all the same

You fell in love 
With a charade 
Even her honesty was fake 
And everything else she said was a lie 

You fell in love 
With someone who said they don't care
She said she couldn't care less 
But really that's all she ever did 

You fell in love
With a laugh and a smile 
A carefree style
But she's the saddest person you ever met in your life 

You fell in love 
With someone who talks until her mouth is dry 
A chatter-box you find amusing
But she just hates being lonely

You fell in love
With someone who hides things well
Puts on a brave face
And tears herself up to keep everyone else whole 

You fell in love with a
Genuine liar

All I ever do is hurt you 
Just stop loving me he said 
Just stop
And it won't hurt you anymore

But that hurt me more 
Than he could ever know 
And even if I could stop
I don't think I would

Life is all about love and forgiveness
So I'll accommodate all your sorrows
If I can keep you too

Today I mentioned you to God by name 
He already knew you were in my heart 
And on my brain 
I said Oh Lord this is my sister 
And I wish for her the same 
Please bless her 
And forgive all her sins

Autumn leaves
like peacock feathers
hypnotize and attract
bright and beautiful
colours merged together 
vibrant oranges of summers slowly fading
red warmth of fires fast approaching
pale and pretty green and yellows 
even boring brown adds to the picture
I want to walk under falling leaves 
that look like petals
of a secret flower 
adorning paths
for the wayfairing stranger 
dancing in the wind 
in merry greeting
all to welcome Autumn in

There is too much oxygen in the air
too many fishes in the sea
too many normal people in the world
and then there is me

You still have a spark 
The magic runs through your veins 
And your mind is always on fire 
Even when pen is not put to paper 

Bigger and better 
Brighter and higher 
Your still in the game 
Even when you're not playing 

Writers block is just a fancy word
For taking a break 
Not accepting anything less 
Than perfection 

But poetry is in your laugh 
It's the inside joke 
It's in the way you dream 
The fibres of your being

Take me to the end of forever 
Where I can hear the sound of colours fade 
Take me to the end 
Where it's all over 

Where nothing matters anymore 
And it's too late
Take me to that stage 
Where I can't change the game 

The meaning, the purpose 
It's all over
Take me to the end of forever 
Where there is nothing more of anything 

No good, no bad, no evil
No love, no hate, no devils
Take me to the end of forever 
I can no longer be bothered 

At the end of forever
Where I become no one
No sense, no waste

     *Just
gone

She laughs too hard 
She laughs too much 
But she's waiting for death 
And lives to die another day 

She believed in faeries 
And rainbows
Glitter made everything glow 
And laughing made everything seem okay

She forgets too less
And pretends too hard 
So she runs as fast as she can 
From the past 

Until her lungs burn 
Then places her hands on her chest
To feel her heart thump
Like the fear of giving up

I am the forgotten Lego piece
The lost jigsaw
The pain when you stub your toe
The child waiting to go home
I am alone and happy
Because there is no one to please
No one to judge
I am free 
I am a wayfairing stranger
The naive traveller 
I am an introvert
A luddite
Born in the wrong era
I am the dreams gone silent
The unnoticed tear
Falling in the pouring rain 
I am the soft breeze 
On a cold foggy evening 
I am the regret of dreams come true 
The possession of what I think I want
Trapped in the be all and end all of needs 
The uncontrollable urge 
To do something I shouldn't 
I am the undiagnosed 
Just under the overflow of crazy

Good is good enough 
It means there is room for improvement
And when is there not
Perfection does not exist 

But good is good enough 
If you are not below average 
It's a breathable space to be 
Standing comfortably away from the edge

Good is good enough 
Where you could be happy
Yet still want more 
Complain yet still be grateful

Good is good enough
When it's not the be all and end all

Good is good enough

Broken like a picture frame 
Discarded like a teabag
I found you alone in the backseat
Taking the long way home around the block

Watching the world drown in the rain
Wondering if you could join
Get lost in the crowd
And pretend you don't exist 

Wake up the next morning 
Like today never happened
Carefree of all the problems 
Piled on your plate 

Ignorance is bliss 
But denial is foolish 
If you chip away at a mountain 
Your bound to make a dent

I blew my prayers at the skies
Hoping the wind would whoosh them to Heaven 
A faster delivery 
Seeking silence 
A blink in response 
A wordless cry
From afar somewhere in the distance 
And I received a sign
I've always received first class service
Like how this very moment I live the answer to the fog
Of memories I walked beside
The one where I sat on the prayer mat
And cried 
Begged and pleaded 
God please let this be 
And here I stand 
Back towards the giving hand
And everytime I turn around
I ask for more
Human greed
I don't deserve His mercy 
But don't leave me please 
I won't
I won't ever leave Your path
I need You more than I need my prayers answered

Stand in darkness 
With your back towards the light 
Chase shadows on the wall
Ignorant of the thorns

Bear the stinging ****** 
And be grateful you were born
Crooked smile
Wind at your back

Edge of nothing 
Falling in the abyss of tomorrow
Where is the treasure 
And the map to find it

Scatter and crash
But get right back to it 
Dig your own wishing well
Call the shots

But remember to fall on your knees
At least every once in a while 
Cos even the high you're on 
Is at the mercy of God 

Without which not a whisper 
Is heard or a sound created 
A leaf shall not rustle
Without the permission of it's creator

No rehearsals 
One more beat amongst billions
Of pumping hearts
Witness to the light of the stars
You say I'm crazy 
But you don't know what I've got
No wings
Or magic dust

I throw my wishes at the clouds
On my way to the top floor
Standing with my back to the crowd
Knocking on heavens door

Fire at my heels 
Fear of losing 
I'm a one man band
Still marching forward 

But I would drag you through 
Tooth and nail
No man behind
I won't let you fail 

Words with a harsh sting
I forget to sugar coat things
That's the way I am 
Take it or leave it

I'm falling 
Falling and I can't hold on
Don't let me go 
But I'm falling 
And it feels like I'm going to fly
Fly or die falling 
Like when you're in a dream 
And feel a big drop
Worse than standing in the que 
For the coaster
At an amusement park
I'm falling 
But there are no bumps 
Just an endless tunnel
I never get to the bottom

Her insides reflect broken shards
Digging corsets 
And sweetheart neck lines 
Blotches of wrong shades 
Splashed with pink blushes
To mask the pale and pasty 
You would never see the eyes that never sleep
Deep dark ***** depths 
Of a mind constantly thinking 
Secrets she's carrying 
Sick diseases of this world
The shadows call out
And lure her in 
With promises of moments of peace 
That will touch her shell
But never penetrate her soul
Yet still she's sold 
Peace is a longing that never gets old 
Meeting with guilt 
On a dusty road 
She searches the path of amnesia
Through echoing confessions
She never wanted to be told 
She watched them get drunk on tears 
And bathe in justice 
Dancing to the music of her cries 
Watching her turn crazy
And feed herself lies 
On how everything is going to be alright

Every now and then I catch the dark lingering wafts of smoke. It emanates from me. I hate that smell. The smell of cancer and death, the smell of disease and addiction. The smell of you. I stink of you. Yet I find myself breathing more frequently as though I can't place it. I just want to be sure, that it's me and not you, because of course, you're not here. In the darkness of my mind or in the empty rooms, the crowded cafes I go, to wake up and smell the coffee. My mind floats to the spaces where we sat together, the car where the smoke found no escape. The way it created fog and a dream like state. Now it's trapped in the fibres of my clothes, each strand of my hair, it clings to me like a second skin. Yet I smother my face in your sweater and take deep breaths in of smoke soaked oxygen, there's something about your smell I find comforting and that is quite disturbing.