Nothing sung in the covers of the night
Has made it out alive
There is no such thing as lying awake in peace
I think of how
I can be written into the lines of your palms
And that the sound of forever could be your voice
I think of putting my breath in another's body
Of trusting my name in his mouth
I think of being careful with you
Of doing everything right
So that we can see just how many heavens
Were made for us

I have been built from a mother's sighs
and the blame of being a woman
Moulded by history
And all its broken pieces
I have been taught to carry them all
To feel their weight
And I did
Until I came apart like Jenga blocks
Piece by piece
Then all at once
Until it all was too much to hold
Even then
My tongue was supposed to be a refuge for secrets
I was to fear banishment
And pay heed to omens
Yet I have never wished to inherit anyone but myself
A monster of my own making
Ripping holes in the night
I was born for exile
To die
And be remembered
Not like a ghost on the shelf
But like the tears of the grateful
Like the roots of a plant which was displaced
And still it bloomed over and over again

I've grown allergic to mornings
of absent welcomes
the ones where I come alive
conscious to your existence before my lids open
only to face a reality of you not being here

My friend
My well-wisher
Do not curse me
With a long life
Do not make this prayer
Leave me in my state
I am a widow of love
Let this poison **** me quickly
Do not drag out my pain

It was
a little love
a little helplessness
I threw my life away
What kind of man was I?
a person killed me and left me alive
But I gave up on life
there was a person who came and went like a season
but I was not a farmer who could save a dying land
I was not a boat who could sail the storm
I wish everyone could know
that I am open truth
what kind of man was I?
to hold that stranger close to me I had to embrace the crowd
to stop the reminder of the unfaithful
I've had to raise my hands to the mirror
What kind of man was I?
I've had to die
to prove that I was alive