I dreamt of a feast
In the warmth of the sun
That made my mouth drool
And my eyes water
The scent clouded my mind
So tempting
I didn't even try to resist
Didn't even wait for an invite
Instead in full consciousness
I leant forward with both hands
And gorged
Indulged more that I should have
I stuffed my mouth with delicacies
And moaned aloud at the ******* flavours
Utter bliss
With complete abandonment
I didn't slow down
Until my belly ached
And my jaw grew tired
Uncontrollably I took more than my fill
Until I became nauseated
Dizzy
And my body slumped
I sat panting
Stomach bloated
Hands stained with the evidence
Each inhale squashed against my organs
This time I moaned for different reasons
Turning away from the morsels which remained
Their sight now offending me
Loud and booming
I heard the call to prayer
Telling me to hurry
And I remember lying there
Filled with sheer dread
Skin clammy with a sheen of sweat
Daunted with the reality
That I was supposed to be fasting
Supposed to be abstaining
Early that morning I had made an oath to God
And I had broken it
A wail broke out from my mouth
At the horror
Of my sins
All the while
My brain chanted
Again and again
Eve had only eaten an apple

He says our religion is the same
But I am not what he is
He claims I don't have much knowledge
But I know he does not practice what he preaches
He shows me scriptures and Qur'an verses
To prove his point
He doesn't show me the ones about love
Forgiveness
And being a good person
No
He tells me about punishment and death
About the hellfire that is licking at my heels
He points to me and
Tells me of a God I have not known
This God sounds strict
Unmerciful
Oppressive
He condemns me
Extradites me out of the fold
But I am not scared
I am sure
If Islam is what he is
Then I don't want to be apart of it

You are the devil my idle mind slips to
So I keep myself busy
So busy I don't have time to scratch my head

Let it not be perfect
May we be flawed
And quarrel
Lest covet gazes linger

I am beware
Of aesthetic
Wary of too good
Being lost in the shout

Pray my love be private
Felt not seen
Hidden not absent
Whispered like secrets in the cover of night

Such ease
Such mercy
Belongs not on this land
I am scared of the illusion

Only in Eden
Should there be the love of heavens
Where no jealousy lies
Nor a grief in sight

I want to wake to disagreements
And fall asleep making up
I want ill planned good intentions
And of course a few ***** ups

I want to fix it together
Believe there's nothing we can't conquer
Laughs and tears
I want with you many many years

There may be a shaky path
But I want undoubted love
Trialling, testing but not a breakable wrath
Not one of dreams, I want reality love

Yes
You were here
Yes
You were with me
Yes
I could see you
Love you, hug you, kiss you, feel you
So I imagine this world a prison
My fingers the cell bars
Clamped in a fist
I imagine it was my choice
That I saw the suffering
Which I could not stop from touching you
That I allowed it
I let you go
And that makes it just a little bit more okay
I pretend that I wasn't heartless
That my heart is not stubborn
Selfish
I remember it
Like I was the guardian gone rogue
That you escaped
And I turned a blind eye
Letting you go
Secretly, silently
Like the breaths
                           you
                                  let
                                        g
                                        o