Your company is enchanting
Filled with enlightenment
We steer our conversations to God
And the ultimate goal of heaven

I love it when we get together
Each of us a confesssor
Tell stories and fables
That will make us better

The recipes we share
Are one size fits all
Patience
And perseverance

Gratitude
And humbleness
Empathy for others
Let love for God govern us

We meet away from the billboards
Hidden from greed
When the sun is rising
Where God summons us

Your company leaves me refreshed
A great reminder for the days to come
I leave you shining
Always a positive outcome

I am afraid of the defiantly disobedient
How they infiltrate with ignorance
Do not reason nor listen
Turn away and take you further with them

They openly declare war with God
Challenge his commandments
Play the devil's advocate
On the front pew they're standing

I fear the hypocrites
How they leave you in despair
Pointing fingers of judgements
Of their own sins they do not declare

I am scared of the influence
Worried about my weakness
Doubt the strength
To put distance between us

There's another world in all the backspace
It's where the words tied by tongue reside
Fingers which threaten to reveal
Secrets that the eyes hide

That's why it checks read
And hours later comes the reply
Hopeful and hesitant
The heart still wants to try

Thumbs restrain
And backspace all the lines
Easier going back in time
Reluctant to go forward

To rock the boat
To chase the dream
Write your heart
And press send

When I caught feelings for you
It was like a virus
An infection that spread
Out of control
Once it was in my bloodstream
It was impossible to purify
My body betrayed me
Everything about you corrupted my mind
It took me a while to accept it
I was in denial of the illness
Rejected the possibility
That I could be sick for you
That I'd want you
Even when I didn't want to
How my brain would glitch on every conversation
Hang onto every word
My eyes would notice every dip, crook and curve of your skin
I want to count your freckles
I want our skin to touch
I want to see your eyelashes rest against your cheek every morning
When I caught feelings for you
I surrendered to the flames
Be it the beginning or the end
Just be it with you

Have you seen the way I look at you
Can you read the thoughts in my mind
Do you feel how my hand lingers
Just a little longer against your spine

Do you know how much I love you
How often for you I pine
Can you hear the wish in my voice
That I want you to be mine

When you died
It was weeks before the sun shone again
It was as if the sky mourned your loss
It roared in anger
The clouds darkened in respect
I passed through motions
That felt like alternate realities
But nothing felt real
I could still see you on the sofa
In your chair in the garden
Whenever I walked through the front door
I still shouted you a hello
I'd walk through to the kitchen
Then realise you're not there
You're not anywhere
Yet I'd still walk to your bedroom
In a disbelieving trance
Just to check
Just in case
And I'd see your empty bed
Your room still has all your furniture
But it's all an empty space
Everywhere feels empty now
Even the places I've never seen you in
I walk to work
And see a calendar
Months have passed since
I'm still alive
I'm still here
And I'm still walking
Everyone around me is doing just the same
Life
It didn't stop
Nor pause
Time
It carries me forward
Further away from you
My mind
It can no longer picture you properly
My heart
An empty cavity