She was the chick with the ****,
The landlady of The Star,
She told me i was special,
That i might travel far,
She didn't know that guy was after me,
The blonde with the smile,
The stud behind the bar.

He took me upstairs,
He kissed me slow,
We made out,
And then i had to go,
He followed me home,
We played until the morn,
I couldn't help giving in,
To the pleasure of his form.

Scared but I have no choice,
I could hold onto you forever,
Nature has said the time has come,
I’m afraid of saying goodbye however.

Entertaining goodbye in the back of my mind,
But unsure of how to say the word,
They tell me it will be a comfort and relief,
But it’s harder to say than all the times I’ve heard.

Thinking about kissing you,
Holding you in arms of love,
But instead I'll spend the night alone,
Forced purity of a dove.

Thinking about touching you,
My fingers finding their way,
But instead I'll warm myself with sheets,
Without your presence today.

Remember, Remember,
The truth of November,
The swirling winds,
The nights of blanket covered dreams,
A loved one in your arms,
Approaching the close of another year,
Unsure of which course to steer.

Hearing the distant crackle,
The distant whistle,
The far off bang,
A firework display,
November is a tangled month,
Happiness and emptiness,
Unsettling feelings everyday.

Sweet remembrances,
Subtle thoughts i recall,
Of your hands and fingernails,
Your smile and witty tongue,
Wishing that you were by my side,
Tonight and every night,
Instead of laying in a grave,
In the dark; far from sight.

I recall a winter,
The sort of winter that freezes,
Lets the frost settle on a heart,
And everything dies.

I recall a springtime,
The sort of springtime that flowers,
Lets the bloom blossom in a mind,
And everything shines.

I recall an Autumn,
The sort of Autumn that crackles,
Lets the leaves shatter under foot,
And everything breaks.

I recall a summer,
The sort of summer that sparkles,
Lets the lake shimer in an eye,
And everything shines.

Spring has sprung,
The flowers start to grow,
The smell of freshly cut grass fills my soul,
The reason for my passion comes full circle and is whole,
I search in my gardens and i search among the breeze,
I look down at my life from the branch of the tallest tree,
I hear the faintest chirping from a newly hatched egg,
A tiny little bird tries to find its legs,
As it starts to walk a butterfly takes flight,
Declaring 'March is here, come enjoy the sights'.

Shut down,
Switch off,
Zone out to make it easier to understand,
That the closing of this chapter,
Is the parting of our hands.

Some time ago a soldier i did meet,
Glory and victory, history at his feet,
Ready for action - marching for his queen,
Prepared and determined - his ambition obscene,
Standing tall and proud, unafraid of death,
Now i see the soldier and nothing much is left.

His mind has been shattered,
His world has been smashed,
His heart has been sold,
His soul has been soiled,
His pride has been stolen.

He saw the sights that nobody should see,
His eyes are frightened and close to try and be free,
But his mind holds tight to the memories,
Of being sent to die just for their jealousies,
the leaders never stand on the front line,
He'll keep the blood on his hands to show as a sign.

His mind has been destroyed,
His world has been drowned,
His heart has been dumped,
His soul has been dampened,
His pride has been darkened.

He saw the sights that nobody should see,
Maybe in death his anguish will just let him be.

Segments of my life,
Washed away,
Memories sent down the river,
To wait endlessly,
In a missing bay.

*

I searched and i found,
Soft amour,
The pieces of my heart and soul,
The sun shining down,
On this tyrant shore.



My tears were falling,
Formed puddles,
Made a sea of desolation,
I swam that ocean,
Spinning and muddled.



I heard my voices,
Days gone by,
I remembered them like always,
Sound of the playground,
I can only try.

(Song title from Michael Jacksons’ catalogue, by James Harris III, Terry Lewis, Michael Jackson and Janet Jackson)

Talking at me,
Spinning,
In a whirl,
Stop the pressure,
Release this pressure,
To feel some pleasure,
Scream.

I say a silent prayer in your honour every night,
Before I lay my head to rest with the darkness of the light,
I pray that I’ll remember and never forget your smile,
And hope to stay enchanted by the way you beguiled,
I say to God the words I hate to say,
“Look after my beloved until I come to stay.”

Break my bones,
I want to know if I can feel anything,
The ******* has filled me with anxiety,
I want to snort life in its entirety,
Imagine the possibilities inside of me.

Is anybody else confused?
The reality television craze,
I hope it is a phase,
But detest it as i do,
I am hooked like a fish on a rod.

Big Brother and Pop Idol,
Celebrity Fit Club and Fame Academy,
Enough already,
No more do i need,
But take it away and i'm sure you'd hear me plead,
'More, more, more' i'd say,
Reality TV is hard to love but harder to hate.

Is anybody else bemused?
The reality television shows,
I hope that soon they go,
But as angered as i am,
I am fixed like a stare on a grave.

I have to stand you up,
I can’t go on this date with you tonight,
You’ve opened up a wound,
And taken blissful safety from my sight.

I have to stand you up,
I’m an insecure and vulnerable soul,
You’ve made me face myself,
The mirror shows an empty, darkened soul.

I have to stand you up,
I won’t allow this parade to go on,
My secrets need to hide,
I have to stand you up, I must be gone.

Summer still trips over every waterfall,
There are no clouds in the blue at all,
The heat is ever increasing and the leaves start to melt,
This must be the exact same feelings God once felt,
When creating the Earth.

Summer drifts between the day and night,
But night begins to chill without the light,
First signs of Autumn creep into view,
The crunch under foot, a sensation so new,
When traveling the Earth.

16:16,
The moment i was born,
16:16,
Now i am forlorn,
16:16,
The time that hell was born.

09-08,
The day that i appeared,
09-08,
Now i drown in fears,
09-08,
The date that no one hears.

It's '84,
The year creation came,
It's '84,
Now i am to blame,
It's '84,
You gave invention names.

(Just in case you hadn't noticed - i was born on the 9th August 1984 at 16:16p.m.)

It’s a horrible thought,
Dying alone at home,
With no one to come rushing to my side,
It’ll be printed that a local man died,
Found three months later,
Holding the picture of mater,
Like a cheese that has decomposed.

(Song title from “The Rocky Horror Show” by Richard O’Brien)

That moment after making love,
Where time stands still,
All is calm and bliss and glee fill the air,
Flood the air like gold pouring down a shelf,
Magical,
That moment of peace trapped in a time warp,
That moment after making love,
That moment in her arms.

What is a grown-up?
Can anybody tell?
I know a thousand words
And can cast a million spells,
My father loses sense,
And his potions are often wrong,
What is a grown-up?
Can anybody tell?

You see the grown-up when with youthful eyes,
As someone strong,
Never do wrong,
And always standing tall,
I see the grown-up now with damaged sight,
As someone weak,
An evil streak,
And always crushing dreams.

What is a grown up?
Can anybody tell?
I know a thousand tales,
And can see a million souls,
My mother loses plots,
And her vision is often blind,
What is a grown-up?
Can anybody tell?

An actor like me deserves an award,
For the scars and the hurt i never expose,
But the mystery of passion hits a chord,
And strikes the danger of the tenderest nerve,
No less than i deserve.

(Song title from The Beatles’ catalogue, by Lennon/McCartney)

I shut myself inside the darkness,
In the blackness of my mind,
I scream aloud and call her name,
I shout for help yet feel the same.

I close my eyes to the mirrored-self,
An image of someone hurt,
I grip to the edge of my life,
I need help to escape this strife.

Tried something new last night,
I had to let go,
Popped the pill,
Mellowed and chilled,
Thought I'd learned to grow.

The drugs came back,
They entered my life again,
I'm afraid of the sin,
Afraid of sliding down like back when.

Not as a possession,
Not as a prize,
But as a lover,
Here at your side.

Yes, i ant you for always,
Want you for life,
Not as your keeper,
Nor as your wife.

Don't mean to sound needy,
Pressurise you,
Don't want this to change,
Just being true.

Yes, i want you always,
Want you to know,
I'll be your safety,
And watch us grow.

Yes, i want you always,
Here in my heart,
As lovers and friends,
Finish to start.

(Song title from Blind Willie McTell’s catalogue, by McTell)

A soldier proudly marches,
Off to war he goes,
Into a terrible struggle,
Facing agonising blows,
His head oozing on the ground,
His eyes water running out,
His friends are dead around him,
No sanctuary or aid about,
He gives up the fight but in his dreams,
He imagines the women left behind,
His mother, his lover, his daughter,
Three women blues he finds,
He prays for them with his last breath,
And attains peace with his unnecessary death.

I feel the urge still,
But I cannot give in,
I can drink,
But should I allow myself to feel the flavour?

I like alcohol,
It likes me,
It's my friend,
It's my enemy,
But I can't live without it,
I can't live with it.

A shining white beacon on such a black day,
Lighting up the heart from the coffin where you lay,
Delivering a positive feeling to all who kneel and pray,
A shining white beacon on such a black day.

Adapt,
Change,
Move on,
Refresh and start over,
Remain,
Stay,
Cling on,
Hold on to something blue.

(Song title from Michael Jacksons’ catalogue, by Michael Jackson, T. Riley, Gil Cang, J. Quay and G. Williams)

When I die early,
Or get caught out,
When the walls collapse,
Or crush my soul,
Whatever happens,
Know I love you,
Whatever happens,
Know I’m sorry.

The beast of night falls around me like a cloak,
It smothers me,
It covers me,
Surrounding me,
Dumbfounding me.

I sit alone and afraid,
I do not dare to move,
Any little motion,
Might give him the notion,
That i am in the frame of mind,
To be truly unkind,
And he'll strike.

The daily haste of London life,
The rush reluctantly calms,
Crowds begin to mingle,
Like the safety of a mothers arms.

Bad luck is hunting me down,
No matter where I travel,
Whether in the country or in the town,
Thirteen is the number tattooed on my soul.

I'm thirteen, black cat, spilling-the-salt,
I demolish all goodness,
Forget all that I've been taught,
I'm thirteen, black cat, a pavement crack,
I destroy the passion,
I'm the weight that's on your back,
I'm thirteen, black cat, crossing-the-knives,
I damage her wisdom,
I'm working on breaking lives.

(Song title from “Sunset Boulevard” by Lloyd Webber, Black, Hampton and Powers)

I wonder how it feels to have the perfect year,
Full of love and comfort, laughter and cheer,
Without crying and without shame,
No anguish and no pain,
Safe from the thunder and the rain.

I wonder how it feels to have the perfect year,
Full of joy and smiles, sunshine and cheer,
Without anger and without hurt,
No coldness and no dirt,
Safe from storms: no need to revert.

Feelings,
Emotions,
Laughing in a solitary silence,
The bombs; such sounds,
Pain and hurt,
A body uncovered,
A body revealed,
A body discovered,
Another man killed,
A disguise,
A facade,
A dance of joy,
This bear he marches,
This bear,
No more.

(This poem is dedicated to the brave men and women who battled and served for their country in 1914 - 1918. May we never forget!)

Send me to sleep by singing,
Put dreams in my head,
Cast nightmares away,
Keep them at arms length,
Keep them from me,
Don't let them see,
Please let me be.

Fed up of spinning around,
In need of a rest,
Hide the spiders' web,
Keep at a distance,
Keep out of sight,
Don't let them bite,
Please give me tonight,
Give me,
Show me tonight.

I feel my eyes close and open,
Against my will they move,
As if a string controlled my senses,
Like a puppet that’s been removed.

…passing…
…passing…
…passing…

I feel my mouth dry and harden,
But fluid won’t remain,
I’m like a barren sandy desert,
Like a river that’s been contained.

…passing…
…passing…
…passing…

(Song title from Michael Jacksons’ catalogue, by R. Kelly)

My heart is still recovering,
I’m still gathering the fragments,
And gluing them with passing time,
So to give you one more chance,
Would be a certain suicide,
I couldn’t recover twice,
My life is too high a-price.

(Song title from Sonny Terry & Bownie McGhee’s catalogue, by Sissle, Battle, Ram and Merdith)

Watch out guys,
I’m coming now,
I’m ready for you,
I’m hungry now.

Watch out,
Watch out,
The pride march is all about,
Watch out,
Watch out.

Watch out guys,
I’m heading down,
I’m out on the prowl,
I’m coming down.

Watch out,
Watch out,
The pride march is all about,
Watch out,
Watch out.

I met you for coffee in a little café,
Little in size - Starbucks was its name,
It was the perfect place to act out my scene,
Of turning a friend into the lover of my dreams,
But i turned to a child and shied away,
As i held out my hand,
Cold winds pushed it my way.

If i told you i loved you, would you laugh in my face?
Or purchase more coffee to take us through time and space?
I lost myself in the scent of your smile,
And i stopped to ponder the magic for a while,
I'll never forget our stolen afternoon in a little café,
Where our flowers came full bloom.

Twelve months are now drawing to a close,
And a new one is visible,
Resting on the horizon of my dreams,
We'll sail through the festive time of Christmas,
And wave goodbye to another year of life.

The robin will dance upon the snow,
As the bare branches grey and humble with time,
December is a truly blesséd time,
December is the wisest place to be,
So wave goodbye to another year of time.

(Song title taken from Jane Monheit’s catalogue,
by Dietz and Schwartz)

As they lay in bed,
Back to back,
Asleep with folded arms,
They wonder how it came to pass,
That lovers embrace changed to isolated solace,
How it ever became a reality to miss the heart,
The hearts that used to beat together,
In tune to the dance they danced at night,
When the lights were down,
And the only sound heard in town,
Was of blissful love making,
Against the sky; bleak, black and stark,
As they were dancing in the dark.

(Friday's child is loving and giving.)

I was given the gift of another day,
I can breathe deeply,
And smile to the sun of a Friday morn,
I feel like a child; I'm lucky i'm alive,
I feel blessed to have been born.

The weekend is approaching,
The stress of the week is unfolding,
My head starts to lighten,
And my shoulders loosen,
I'm happy,
I'm free.

You suffered,
You struggled,
Your life was cruel and hard,
You were tortured,
You were tormented,
Your life was short and fast.

Now we comfort ourselves,
We say only what we can,
Rest in peace,
Peacefully slumber,
Rest in peace,
R.I.P….
R.I.P….
R.I.P.…

Too many blank pages,
I'm eager to write,
But the words are a struggle,
In the broad daylight.

As i stare at the page,
Visions make me write,
Then the words flow like fountains,
In the day and night.

I've dreamed of you,
Eyes closed,
Peaceful slumber,
But still your touch,
Your eyes and lips rest on me,
Like a feather rests on the grass,
Caught in the blades of love.

A simple word,
One syllable,
Less than a second to say,
Maybe a second to type it,
But a lifetime of questions,
A lifetime of tears,
Several moments of anguish,
Several years of intrusive emotion,
Of counting the beats between each breath,
Such a throwaway word with heavy weights: death.