Swallowed the tablet of joy,
I am sent,
Pushed to another place,
Of flying trees,
Visible breeze,
Red wine seas,
Swallowed the tablet of joy.

Ate the pill of doom,
I am shoved,
Thrown to a world of shadows,
Of stabbing thorns,
Attacking horns,
Darkened morns,
Ate the pill of doom.

Funny how an image moves,
Filled with bliss,
In a hallucinogenic kiss,
Turned and pulled,
Dragged underneath a vision,
Light is covered,
Heaven becomes hell,
And your life is shattered,
Broken as a shell.

Say farewell,
Say goodbye,
The end is nigh,
Don't cry,
When I die.

Don't know if i approve,
Or believe in the institution,
But i'll enjoy the fruits of love,
I'll pay no care to others anger,
It's such lilliputian*,
Compared to death, pain and war,
Just *** in sin,
I'm not a *****.

If I told you that I love you,
You'd look at me as if I were mad,
But if I don't tell you,
Tears would roll and how I would feel sad,
You see, I can't explain the love inside,
It just grows and grows,
From time to time it changes direction,
And where it's headed no one knows,
But in my heart I know it's you,
The one I adore,
The one who makes me feel brand new,
My love it's you, my sweet cherub it's you.

(Song title from Michael Jacksons’ catalogue, by Michael Jackson and Teddy Riley)

Spent too long there,
Felt trapped,
Busted out and broke free,
Became me,
Who I wanted to be,
Couldn’t stay in the closet,
Making further little deposits,
Into the lie factory.

(Song title from Dinah Washington’s catalogue,
by Coward)

I’m mad about the boy who wrapped me,
Wrapped me round his finger,
He pulls the string and I come,
He knows I’ll continue to linger.

He says he loves the girl he’s dating,
He’s dating her to conceal the truth,
It hurts to be loved and tossed aside,
Aside to the wings; kept waiting.

I’m mad about the boy who hurts me,
Hurts me with his control,
Barks his order – I obey,
Allow the destruction of my soul.

Candles on a child's cake,
Flickering like the ripples on a frozen lake,
See his smile,
His endless glee,
He'll age too fast,
He'll yearn to be free,
But this day you can play,
Take him in your arms,
Celebrate his 2nd,
His 9th,
His warmth.

I had a cup of tea this morning,
But the taste was slightly strange,
It could have been the toothpaste,
Or still the flavour of that orange.

I had a cup of tea this evening,
And the taste was really strong,
I should have used some more milk,
Or not left the bag in for that long.

I had a cup of tea once again,
To see if cup three improved,
It seems i should drink coffee,
Or just stay in bed and never move.

(Song title from Bukka White’s catalogue, by B. White)

I saw a young girl standing on the bridge,
Golden hair,
Rosy lips and frightened eyes,
Water runs from deep inside,
She stares across the Thames as it flows fast and rough,
She’s fixin’ to die; she’s had enough.

A child beneath the stars held his teardrops in his hands,
And let them fall through his fingertips like the turning of the sands,
His mother had hurt him,
His father had cried,
And the anger was building,
Suppress it though he tried.

He moved toward the edge and leapt into eternity,
No more to be seen,
His mother now dreams of turning back the clocks,
His father wants a magic wand to reverse the trick,
The evil plan,
No explanation can ease the agony,
But the boy is free,
Close your eyes and see,
The boy is me.

Honey-making precious creature,
Gliding with the wind,
The sun shining against your radiant yellow,
Your black stripes warning of your sting,
Hear the gentle buzz of your melody,
Flower to flower,
Petal to rest upon,
And skies to dream upon the breeze,
Light is fading – time for home,
To the hive – to the queen of your heart.

You covered me with the tenderness that flowed from your soul,
1 gentle stroke and warm embrace,
I was ready to begin the pace,
No race,
Take it slow,
Never go,
Sleep in bliss,
Nightly thrill,
Drill,
Drill,
Feel and hold,
Be and unfold,
Open wide,
I'm inside,
Woman of life,
Creating life,
You covered me with the gentleness that dripped from your bowl.

In the waiting room,
Tick-tock,
Time drags its body slowly,
Hour after hour,
Tick-tock,
We wait and wait,
Wait and wait,
Until the doctor appears,
And covers his watch,
He announced time,
The time he stopped counting his clock,
Tick-tock,
Tick-tock,
Tick-----------------------

I lost my mind demanding its place,
I lost my function and my will,
My will power,
My old flower,
My sweet's sour,
I can't cope with this.

I tried my soul in a courtroom,
I tried my disguise in public,
In the world,
In the shield,
In green fields,
I can't live this way.

(Song title from Al Jolson’s catalogue,
by George and Ira Gershwin)

The river of my heart is wider than the Swanee,
Deeper than the Atlantic Ocean I run,
But I cannot find a boat to sail me to the answers,
The answers to the questions,
The answers I need to hear the most.

Spat in my face,
Turned me into a figure of fun,
Never dared to scratch away,
To look beneath the surface,
To notice or see,
That all of us have a purpose.

Now I'm stronger,
Much braver than i ever was before,
I can hold my head up high,
I'll show you what I'm made of,
I will make you see,
That I'm better off without you.

Like the sun it glows,
A presence in our lives,
Watch as it grows and grows.

Lighting the darkness,
A blemish in the sky,
An artists' perfect mess.

Claims insanity,
And watches as we sleep,
Honest morality.

It brings lunacy,
A passionate madness,
Such eccentricity.

Shadowed; the wolf howls,
We tremble in our fear,
Fall to our knees and bow.

(Song title from “Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat” by Lloyd Webber and Rice)

When you died I couldn’t cope,
The pain was clearly there,
I was empty as a barrel,
Feeling the cold of your armchair.

The warmth that you brought,
Vanished and faded away,
In the flicker of an eyelid,
Made me wish for another day.

Now you’re high above the clouds,
One more angel in heaven on high,
And I know you’ll watch over me,
In every second that passes me by.

I won't let Jesus find me,
I'll hide beneath the rocks,
The Devil he can bite me,
I'll ride astride the flames,
No heaven can define me,
I'll stand up to the God's,
No underworld can steal me,
I'll land upon my feet.

Jesus won't hold me,
Won't let him love,
Jesus won't find me,
Not from above.

Forgive me for not knowing,
How to stop the rain from falling,
Every time I try to see,
My eyes close, hurt won't let me be,
The puddle has grown in size,
I'm drowning from the sin of lies.

Forgive me for not screaming,
When I saw your senses leaving,
But the choice was never mine,
Pushed aside and left with a sign,
A riddle I could not solve,
I'm lost but the world still revolves.

Forgive me for staying cool,
Only know how to play the fool,
Forgive me for sleeping late,
I was so afraid of the hate,
Forgive me for feeling down,
I couldn't stand to be around.

He lurks in the framework of our minds,
And breathes poison into each living cell,
Waiting,
Hoping,
His time to strike will come,
He’ll cut us down with one mighty swoop,
With one deadly cut of his scythe.

I've written my history,
Seasons of my life,
An ever-growing tapestry,
I weave it day and night,
I choose my colours carefully,
And learn what they mean,
Attacking rhyme and reason,
Sewn beneath the fabric,
Stitched in every seam.

I've painted my history,
Patterns of my time,
An ever-changing tapestry,
I weave it in clean lines,
I plan my route out perfectly,
Still i run amuck,
Searching for a place to hide,
To keep my secrets safe,
Keep my feelings locked.

Watch as the hours fly by,
While i sit and stare from my window,
The raindrops keep on falling,
Like the tears that are staining my eyes,
Creating a hundred fears.

Afraid of the riverbed,
The flowing tide of embers burning my soul,
Tantalising my evil, encouraging my sins,
Gone missing in a whirlpool,
The whirlpool of devastation that i make.

(Song title from The Beatles catalogue, by Lennon/McCartney)

All you need is love, they say,
But famine, war and hunger get in the way,
Same old hatred,
Same old fear,
Plays out within my brain day by day.

I can’t understand the fray,
The bitter denial in all that we say,
Such angry words,
Angry stares,
And still they say, “all you need is love”.

A chocolate oval treat,
An egg with sweets inside,
To clebebrate the rolling stone,
That allowed Jesus to rise.

Easter cometh,
Easter praise,
Easter cometh,
Easter stays.

Time itself is endless,
And time itself can’t start,
It’s an ever-existing cycle,
From which this planet dare not part.

Love itself is fearless,
And love itself can’t shy,
It’s an ever-prominent vision,
That restrains a heart from its cries.

Time itself is endless,
And endless explains time,
It’s an ever-visible power,
A true pattern of perfect rhyme.

I’m dead now and you give me your tears,
Resting your head upon my still chest,
Soaking my already cold clothes with regret,
Chilling my rigid body as you sprawl over my breast,
Move forward several weeks to my cremation day,
And flowers adorn the coffin in which I sleep,
And pretty ribbons and rows of cards from all that I knew,
To try to cheer my darlings’ heart as she hides the times she weeps.

My arms feel heavy,
Lead weights pull me down,
My legs feel sluggish,
Hard to walk around.

No more,
Say no.

My eyes feel weary,
Shutters in the wind,
My mouth feels barren,
Hushed because I sinned.

No more,
Say no.

(Song title from Michael Jacksons’ catalogue, by Michael Jackson and Teddy Riley)

I sometimes wonder in this month of Halloween,
About the people I have lost,
About the reasons for my worries,
And the dearest price to me they’ve cost,
I sometimes wonder if those friends are standing by,
As ghosts or guardian angels,
Resting on my shoulder night and day,
And wonder if we’ll meet when I end it all.

It’s strange how the final whisper of air escapes,
And the warmth that once resided inside turns to ice at the touch,
That final breath frozen,
Like a spirit or soul,
Searching,
Seemingly seeking a home.

A giant of the ocean,
But gentle as can be,
I'm the one they talk about,
The one they rarely see.

I swim and eat,
Eat and swim all day,
I blow out all the water,
And avoid the light of day.

How many boats come out to sea,
To catch a glimpse of me,
I hear the engines and the noise,
I hide beneath the ocean bed with such rapid urgency.

Systematic and controlled,
Played my hand and the dice - they rolled,
The hurt and anger of the draw,
Left me as cold and empty as before,
So i believed in the 'live and learn',
But my soul was hunted down and burnt.

I dropped my eyes to conceal the fate,
Every turn i take, i take too late,
To see the clock ticking away,
I never thought i'd see the day,
The skyline changed to green and pink,
I realised i was the missing link.

Hell became heaven and heaven became hell,
I stood hoping to fall into the wishing well,
I needed to drown beneath the stars,
Or feel the weight of one thousand cars,
To die and give myself to darkness,
To free myself from all of this mess.

The devastation of my reflection,
Led me to my own rejection,
My eyes were forced to close themselves tight,
As i whisper sadness to my ears at night,
The love that once to me you gave,
Drifted to sea on a violent wave.

But i know that my loss will be your gain,
So let my kisses shower you like rain.

I held your hand the day you died,
Between the bathroom and bedroom,
On the ground where you lay,
You were cold,
Your eyes had lost their spark,
You were haunted,
I was haunted,
You were present but far removed,
I was cold.

Cold,
Cold ever since,
Empty,
Empty and cold.

I said goodbye the day you died,
As you lay on the cold, hard ground,
Your mouth calling for help,
You were cold,
Your eyes had frozen pain,
You were haunted,
I was haunted,
You were missing but in my sight,
I was cold.

(This poem is dedicated with sadness and regret to the memory of my Grandmother.)

Flown to heaven,
Followed an angels call,
To live in peace and harmony,
I’ll watch from ‘Neath the sky so tall.

Each time I see you in a cloud,
The memories all come out to play,
Moments of isolation when I sit and think,
Where my spirit is broken ‘Neath the sky so grey.

Flown to heaven,
Followed an angels harp,
But I’ve travelled deep down to hell,
Shed my tears ‘Neath the sky so dark.

Every day since leaving drugs behind,
Is like a new extreme,
One day you feel like heaven is real,
The abyss swallows you whole the next,
The sadness jumps on me,
And I do another line,
And as the powder fills my brain,
I’m stepping back in time.

Gun against my head,
In my mouth,
Blood on my bed,
**** my world,
Pours to the ground deep red.

Draw the curtains,
Hold out the sun,
Leave me in a corner,
To live my shallow days.

Can't bear the sun,
Shut me away,
Guard me from the fire,
Don't leave me to the flames.

Take me from the eyes,
The evil, staring eyes,
Close me in a dark, cold room,
Where in a corner i may dwell,
Away from the judgment,
Away from the blame,
Inside this old cupboard,
Inside my own fame.

Turn down the lights,
Switch on the rain,
Throw me to the demons,
Let them punish my soul.

We’re underground,
Millions of us beneath your every step,
Eating the mud and grime,
Keep the ground fertilised through time,
We fear the gushing waters that fall from way above,
They pour into our tunnels and make rivers of our homes,
Up we come to the surface and inhale the fresh, clean air,
And watch out for the sparrows lurking somewhere out there.

Two hearts can become as one,
When the arrow from Cupid's bow,
Links the love that Saint Valentine grows,
This is the time when the sun begins to shine,
And one can see that all will be just fine,
February is a month of pleasure.

The ice no longer feels the need to freeze,
But rains down its drops of glee,
And through the storm and wind and pain,
One knows that love will be seen again,
Never fear entering February,
January is just another memory,
Kiss the past but hold onto the future.

(Song title from Nina Simone’s catalogue,
by Donaldson and Kahn)

The man works hard all day,
Works until his work is done,
Hurries home into the arms of his wife,
The love of his life,
They laugh and they smile,
Rest together for a while,
And she exclaims contentedly,
“My baby just cares for me”.

Too much water has passed,
Under too many bridges,
To break my heart by loving you again.

Too much water has washed,
Upon too many beaches,
To hurt myself by trusting you again.

Too much water has flowed,
Into too many plug holes,
To lose my soul by seeing you again.

Too much water has passed,
Under too many bridges,
To break my heart by wanting you again.

In the corner of my mind lies a hidden miracle,
An honest feeling that dwells undisturbed,
Motionless,
Frozen in time,
It's an image of what might have been,
If time had let you stay and not forced you to let go,
It's the fear,
The fact that i'll never know.

Glad for what we had but it's not enough,
They say 'take the smooth with the rough',
But hell isn't a place you are meant to travel through,
You were stolen and i was thrown to the ever-after,
In space and given to Hades,
I drowned in despair.

I miss you.

Fixed and focused,
His steely glare is pinned on me,
I shake and stutter,
I stare away from him,
He pulls me like a magnet,
Back to his beam-like-eye,
He swoops,
He soars,
He dances with the tender clouds,
I'm fearful yet stand in awe.

This prison of mine has grown,
It started as fear,
Building blocks of agony and pain,
Slowly bricking me in,
One layer of cement a day,
A new barricade each and every year.

This prison of mine is cold,
Winter settled in,
Summer sun never travels inside,
Sharp and spirited ice,
Fencing off the feelings I loathe,
All the emotions that destroy and sin.

Raise your glass to the clock,
As arm in arm we sing 'Auld Land Syne',
Welcome in the winter, summer, autumn and spring,
The seasons of this New Year,
Stay dancing in evening dresses,
Tuxedo's and top-hats,
Until the early hours of the first day of forever,
Raise your glass to the clock,
Drink down the passion of happiness.

My immortal heart is beating,
Merrily playing its tune,
Sounding out a Glass-like rhythm,
From high above the moon.

But down below my mothers tears are falling,
Spilling on my chest,
For my mortal heart has ceased its melody,
Before I gave that earthly life my best.

My immortal heart is beating,
Merrily playing its tune,
But my funeral is busy,
Playing The March too soon.