The time ticks by tediously.
It's as if this night is never-ending.

While I lie here waiting, my mind wanders idly.
As usual, my thoughts eventually settle on you.
(A sad nightly ritual, if you will)

Your face swims into focus, but I fear it's blurrier than before.
I can still picture the bright blue of your eyes perfectly,
But the contours of your face are getting fuzzy.
Is this really you I'm remembering,
Or are you slipping away?
I can't even recall the sweet melody of your voice.

This terrifying realization hits me hard.
I'm losing you.
Again.

These memories are all I have.
Please don't take them from me.
I want to scream out, but all I can do is gasp for air.

Once upon a time, you were my everything.
We were supposed to live happily ever after.
But you were stolen from me that stormy night.
I can still hear their words echo through the empty house.
He never felt any pain. He died instantaneously.

Well *******. You left me with so much pain.
I suffer through it every night.
As I fight with all my might,
To keep your memory alive.
Because I will always love you.

The time ticks by tediously.
I'm just waiting until mine runs out.
Maybe then, we can be together again.

Makin' deals with the devil,
                just to find some satisfaction.
        I sign my name in blood,
                      nothin' but a dangerous interaction.
But if danger is the only thing that makes me feel,
                     than so what if I never heal?
           I'd rather live like this,
                           In debt to the devil, than let my own demons run amiss.
      So how does it all end?
               Simple as this:
I live my life on the edge,
                          with a simple pledge—
                 when I finally fall over,
                                when I die,
                 tell everyone this:
She only lived this way so she wouldn't be alone.
               While everyone turned their backs and let her roam,
The devil waited with open arms,
                   welcoming her home.

Whenever I'm around you, I can't even speak. Your very presence makes my heart thump erratically.
I swear you can hear it.
And to make things worse, I can't even breathe. No, I'm serious. I gasp for breath, literally.
And if it could get anymore embarrassing, I'm pretty sure I'm dripping in my own sweat.
Yet even though I know I'm a wreck;
You look at me like I'm somehow perfect.
I can't imagine what you see in me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Whenever I'm around you, I can't believe how lucky I am.
How did I manage to end up with a girl as beautiful as you?
I know you don't believe it when I tell you that you mean the world to me,
But it's true, I'd swear it.
I just can't fathom how you can't see it.
That you are the most unique and wondrous person I've ever met.
And yet, you look at me as if I'm the one whose perfect.
But honestly, I don't know what you see in me.

Somedays
I don't
Eat,
Because
Society likes
Me better
Skinnier.
And
I guess
I would
Like me better too
If I looked
Like the
Girl
In the magazine.
She's not
Even a
Size
2.

You said it wouldn't hurt.
You said you loved me.
You said everyone does it.
You said you'd be with me forever.
You said lets make love.
You said we didn't need a ******.
You said you were clean.
You said I'll be right back.

I believed you--you lied about everything.

Why do I always believe
Even the most obvious lies?
It's because I'd rather fool myself,
Instead of admitting the cold truth of:
You're incapable of love.

I'd rather deny my own reality,
Than acknowledge your true cruelty.
These dark shadows on my skin,
They're bruises from your demon within.
And do I dare examine my heart?
I know you've shredded it apart.
And my friends,
They plead with me to make it end.

Yet, I ignore all of this,
Even though I'm scared shitless.
Because if I do admit to your abuse,
I'm terrified of what you'll do.
And as sick as it is, I'm not sure I can stop loving you.
Because your "love" is all I've ever known.
And I'm not sure I'll make it on my own.

What the **** is wrong with you?
Look at the way you treat him,
This incredible boy who is madly in love with you.
How can you just push him away?
When he'd do everything for you any given day.
Can you not see the way he looks at you?
As if you're the center of his entire universe.
And you call this poor boy pathetic?
Well, you know you're no better.
See the funny thing is you act just the same,
About the guy that doesn't even know your name.
What the **** is wrong with you?

If only he'd stop chasing someone as heartless as you,
He'd see I love him, this I know is true.