I know that when I’m gone
you will mock me for my selfishness
for taking my life away from you
but please know,
that I lived my life bound by selflessness
I lived to serve and please
I recited my poems in rehearsal
so my last words could comfort you
and you’d never feel to do the same as I
I scar my flesh to bear my cross
So you may never have to.
Please know,
I lived every day confined by others needs
I listened to your woes
I starve my body to bear your cross
So you may never have to.
Know that this last act I take isn’t selfish
That my last act is one of freedom
It will be my only act of self-indulgence
in my life of catering you.

they never told me that my sadness could be physical
but this past year I started to understand
sadness can shape-shift
it hides in the ***** laundry
the empty shower
the matted hair
the bitten and bloodied nails

it's crafty
and smart
and it seeps into the unchanged bed sheets
the closed window and stale air

some people can't understand
that what they see is sadness
all they know
is that it's not very pretty