I feel like i am imprisoned
There are bars encasing my heart
They are constricting
and suffocating
and debilitating

And i can't take a full enough breath
to laugh
Or be able to will myself
to smile

I feel contained in a separate world
Always looking in through the bars i am enclosed in.

I am limited
to limited happiness.
And i am keeping myself
from loving you more
or loving you less.

Always in a constant struggle to keep a balance
where neither of us gets hurt.

I see the world
through a small lens

so the robust
and infinite hugeness
of it
won't completely terrify me.

There is this girl that I know.
She dreams in large doses that swallow her up.

She shies away from reality
as consistently as she shies away from me.

She sees the world in black and white,
with paper clouds and dull surroundings
Even when I tell her of all of the colors.

And she always clings to the possibility of love and acceptance,
as if they are the origin of her beating heart.

But still she believes
The world is a big and scary place, waiting to consume her.
That all of the possibilities it holds pressure her to be better, to excel.

She takes the things she has for granted,
and believes that happiness is something that takes an army to achieve,
And she doesn’t have a kingdom.

But how she is wrong,
Her dreams are made up of a gifted imagination that can take her anywhere.
Reality is nothing to fear, nor something to fight.
And the world is her canvas, ready to absorb whatever she desires.

She has nothing to fear,
The world is herbivorous, and feasts on happy endings.
All that’s asked of her is to be sincere and experience happiness,
no matter where that takes her.

But mostly what she doesn’t understand,
Is that she is surrounded by soldiers ready to fulfill their duty.
That love and care for every piece of her,
Honorable or
morose.
And as long as they are there to guide her,
she is invincible.

To live in this beautiful free world,
Is to live in an abode of possibilities.

Were the trees whisper secrets,
bending their skeletal bones to achieve their one desire.

The wind carries life on diverging paths,
Not knowing which direction it is taking till the last possible moment.

Were the sun cakes you with memories,
and allows you to dream of freedom in the most ambiguous ways possible.

Where water carries a current that steals away your troubles,
Carrying them down the winding river frigid with savage desires.
And the rush,
Rush of water is like blood, coursing through your veins and carrying
full responsibility for your parched temptations.

These are things that you never see-
You never appreciate.
Even when these images and feelings and thoughts are POUNDING on your eyelids,
Attempting to find sanctuary in your mind.

Open yourself up, and
Feel the glory of life.

Because the one thing you never do is appreciate the dips and curves and mountains and valleys and
Oceans
Of people.
It contains.

We were talking about me getting a car.
A shiny new piece of metal on wheels
Or a clunk
clunk
clunk
clunker that carries my weight
and take me far
far
far
far
away.

But then life got in the way.
And there was a knock
knock
knock
knock
on the door.
And it was answered.
and words were said.

and I fell to pieces
by the weight
of
those
words.
I used to think that things got better before they got worse.
That dreams were drempt and it took so
so
so
so
long to make it to the bottom
of all bottoms.

That it was a gradual fall that took time,
so many
ticks
of a
clock.

And
beats
of a
heart.

But I seem to just now be learning
how impossible
it is
to stay afloat
in the raging rivers
that constantly beat me down,
called life.

I’m chasing myself in circles.
Running
Darting
Spinning
Out of control

To attempt to destroy
And to succeed in destroying

I don’t like how I feel.
And stopping it is the only solution my confused mind can conclude.

So I chase
I follow, and long for,
And go insane with the desire to quench my negative thoughts.

I just hope one day,
That this tail that I am constantly chasing,
Will grow an inch
And find itself
Crushed between my teeth.

I had an Elephant when I was little.
It was my favorite companion,
And was small in size but large in life.

He cradled my heart in his plush paws,
And held my world apron his back.

It was well worn with Love and Memory,
And wore the weight of my troubles as a skin.

His color was blue, and was just big enough to hold close.


I had an Elephant when I was little.

He was small, yet large.
He held my heart and my world,
And was a silent hero with no pay.

It's skin was worn with memories,
And it was just big enough to hold close.

I had an Elephant when I was little.
Have you seen it?

Because I am lost without it.

My wants
are taken from me.

My needs are controlled.

I feel trapped in this Free World.
And nothing I do can quench my impossible desires.

I am starved.
And my exhausted body is slowly breaking down.

Because it can no longer carry my being.
My body is so broken I do not have the strength to carry on.

I have convinced myself that life is a punishment, not a gift.
And
I
am
Falling.

But you caught me.
You didn't let me fall.

YOU saved me in my weakest moment.
And without you, I would be lost in oblivion
Too dead to even dream of living.

So Thank You,
By saving me and giving me the gift of life,
You became my Hero.