Pain rivets within me.
It takes on a form I cannot penetrate,
and spreads throughout every part of me.
Taking all good with it.

I have long since been dead.

And my body has been trampled on by the feet of my foes.

But still my Spirit Lingers,
Waiting to finally be set free.
Of This Curse.

Everything Beautiful inside of me is taken.

Everything that framed my body has cracked.

Everything that once molded who I was and what I wanted to become has shattered.

Everything healthy inside of me has hollowed out and left completly.
And I feel dead inside.

So I curse my features,
       For they do not follow suit.

And I am broken.

But a solid mask is stuck in place,
masking my truths from any followers.

So I stay peaced together.

Hiding from my true form.


*So well that I hide from myself

This world consumes me.
It devours me and weakens me.

Everything I do and say is seen through thousands of eyes
Every mistake I make adds to the problems of the people around me.

So I fight to stay standing,
I fight to stay strong,
And I fight to be perfect.

Not only do I strive for perfection,
I overlook my pain.
I overlook my happiness.
And I overlook my life.

For you.

I am tired of being weak.
I used to think that I was strong.
That I could conquer even the biggest problems.

But I have come to the realization that my pain,
was caused by my weaknesses.

I am not strong, I am not courageous.

I am frail.

And at this moment, I seem to be at the point of breaking.

Because even though I have fought for peace.

Pain and sorrow still follow me. And they always beat me.

What do I do?
  I will continue to live, but How can I live Happily?

There is a difference in the world.
The air is sharper,
The days are brighter.
My smiles are true,
And happiness seems to radiate off of me.

And life is easier to bare.

But there are still times.
Times were I lose myself.
I lose myself in the world I escaped.

I am lost in hell.


And I want more than anything to get out.

But I am slipping.
The strong hold I thought I had has failed me.
I have plunged into my fears.

And I desperately trying to re-surface.
Trying to take a breath of the fresh air.
Take in the colors of the world I was forced out of.
  The world I long to return to.

I find myself frantically searching for a way out,
Searching for the hand that will reach in and rescue me.

I run.
I scream.
I cut and yell and KICK

But I am lost,
I am stuck.

And in those times I feel like I am dying.
I feel like I cannot trust life and the obstacles that are thrown at me.

So I sink.

And I hope,
that somewhere out there, a miracle will find me.

And save me.

Here I am,
as one person.

As one being.

Expecting the world to change around me,
  Before I change myself.

I feel selfish,
  thinking that I would drop everything I know without hesitation
Just for a different place in the world.

because let's face it;

   I am just another player.
And this game we call life is so much bigger than me.

I have won this game.
oh, Have I won this game.

You threw hell at me, with full force.

I may have stumbled, but I am still standing.

And everyday, when I realize that I could have failed.

I think of you, how I left you there, only a bad memory.
I think of my Complete Victory.
And
How
I
Beat
You.