I feel so silly
Almost stupid
It's coming on 2 years since we first locked eyes
And we're not about to celebrate
I'm actually in morning over this great love I thought I had
I thought we had

Despite your games
And all the words to calm my nerves when things were going astray, I should've paid more attention to your actions
I should've forced myself to read in between the lines
I should've forced myself to walk away from you
Even if my beating heart laid in your hands as my feet made quiet steps on the pavement

I've been stuck
Over thinking, over questioning, over wishing and being overly pathetic over you
I've spent so much time pondering where it all went wrong
But, I'm starting to think it was never right
The path that lead me to yours was much more worn and you weren't ready for a rescue
Though I didn't want you to rescue me
Life's not a fairy tale
All I wanted was you and you alone
I thought you were the best thing to walk into my life
And to walk out

I'm still puzzled
Is it normal to stare at a door that's been closed for so long?
To still dream you're laying besides me
Only to wake up with the overwhelming awareness of your absence..
Do you even ever look back, or just glance at that door?
Or were you always halfway out if it with her
And it was never alright of me to ask you to stay

You were my gun
I was the trigger
And when the bullets ran out, so did you
Aimed right at my heart until there was nothing left
I can't even cry anymore
But, I feel so empty inside
And I don't understand how that can be
Because you never took your hand off the trigger until the fire ceased
And it didn't take long for them to run out and as shot apart as I was I chased you until it seemed you fell off the earth

And you probably never realized when you disappeared into the horizon you still had my heart in your hands
It's all been so wrong
There's no excuse for me to still be on my knees
Your life continues with her
I just wonder what you'll do when you discover my heart hidden in your drawer
Will any guilt eat at you, will you remember the trigger that lead you to be my gun?

This isn't silly
It's so so sad
And if it's alright with you
I'll take my heart back now
The timing isn't ever gonna be right
Neither are we
Even if I never let go
I'm empting these chambers
Crying as the bullets hit the floor
You might be the gun still
But there's nothing left, it's empty
Just a hollow clicking sound remains
We're out of rounds... Been out of rounds

I can't be stupid anymore
If you give me my heart back
I'll put my gun away

I'll put my gun away

I can lie all I want,
but you know who I'm not lying to anymore?
Myself.
I know what I want now.
I know what kind of life I want to live.
I know it may not be successful, and it may not have very many people who stay in it for long,
but I think I am finally starting to like who I am
(and know who I am)
and as long as I have myself on my side
what's the worst that can happen?

When you fixated on parts of me
You reduced me to those things.
I loved you,
So I swallowed the hurt,
And I swallowed the sad,
And I gave you everything that I had.
I became what you wanted,
I sliced off those body parts
And sent them to you, reluctantly, at first
But a starving dog will beg for a bone;
When I saw that was all that I could hope for
I let you cut me up.
I sent you segments of me.
But the one part that you never asked for
Wept and wept, waiting for your love
Waiting, in vain, crying, in pain.

But with you right beside me
Even lying on the floor
Feels more like drifting through the sky

     (You are not my anchor,
     You are my pilot  through the clouds)