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Sibyl Vane Mar 2014
"She will dance with me,"
He murmured to himself,
"If I bring her a white rose,
Pure as a snowflake,
And sweet as a summer day."

Sitting there in the garden,
His blue eyes fell shut
As the wind ran her fingers
Through his dark hair.
His lips parted in a sigh,
Enjoying the warm afternoon sun
And the thoughts of the one he loves.

"His is the song I've sung
My entire life,"
Chirped the little nightingale,
"Without knowing it,
I have told his story a thousand times
To the moon and the stars
That light the night sky.
I've sung of hope and joy
And True Love and
Happily Ever Afters
To the trees and the flowers
That in this garden grow."

But the young man cried,
"But I have no rose to give her!"
He covered his face with his hands
And cried.
His whole body shook
As the hope for real love,
The kind that many people
Spend their whole lives looking for
In all the wrong places,
Flew away in the wind.
"She'll never realize I am the one for her,
If I cannot find a white rose
And ask her to dance,"
He cried.

The little nightingale's heart was touched
By the young lover.
She cried out her song for him,
For all the lost loves in the world.
He, she determined, was not going to be one of them.
The nightingale decided that
She would find him a rose,
With which he could woo the girl he so loved.

She flew on delicate wings to the rose bush
That grew beside the fountain.
"If you would give me a pure white rose,
I will sing you my sweetest song
All the nights of my life."
But the rose bush answered,
"I have only yellow roses,
Bright as lemons and sunshine,
And sweet as springtime honey.
Ask my brother who climbs the arbor,
He may give you what you desire."

So the sweet nightingale flew to the rose vine
That was tangled on the arbor.
"If you would give me a pure white rose,
I will sing you my sweetest song
All the nights of my life."
But the rose vine replied,
"I have only pink roses,
Pink as a maiden's blush
On the day she weds her beau.
Ask my brother who grows
Under the young man's window.
He may give you what you desire."

So the nightingale flew to the rose bush
That grew under the young man's window.
"If you would give me a pure white rose,
I will sing you my sweetest song
All the nights of my life."
To which the rose bush replied,
"I have only red roses,
Dark and rich as faerie wine,
Red as the blood of your heart,
Sweeter than stolen kisses under the moon.
But I can give you a white rose."
Filled with hope and joy,
The nightingale replied,
"I will give anything for a white rose,
What must I do?"
The rose bush shook its petals sadly.
"The way is too awful.
I cannot tell you."
The nightingale knew the value of love;
She would do anything for the rose.
"There is a way, little bird.
By moonlight you must come close
And press you breast against my thorns.
Love is sharp and you must not be afraid.
You must sing your sweetest song all night,
And press closer to me,
Until my thorn pierces your heart
And all your heart-blood runs out.
It is the only way."

The nightingale thought about this.
"What price would not be paid for love?
How much greater is the love of this young man
Than the life of a little bird?
This I will gladly do,
For true love's sake."

So the nightingale flew across the garden,
Where the lover had not yet dried
The tears from his eyes.
His cheeks were stained
Pink with his sadness,
His eyes shimmered with tears yet unreleased.
She sang to him to be hopeful,
To believe in his love,
And that all will be well.
The blue-eyed young man
Smiled at the nightingale,
For her song was beautiful,
Though he did not understand.

The nightingale flew about the garden,
Enjoying the beauty of life.
She sang to the oak trees and the daffodils,
And they wept that they would not hear her song again.
They were comforted that she would be silenced for love,
For love has no price too great.

The earth ate the last rays of the sun
And the moon shone
Wan and pallid in the night sky.
She, too, was sad to hear only this one last song
From the nightingale.

Then the bird flew to the red rose bush
And pressed her breast against the thorn.
She sang her sweetest song.
It was so beautiful that all the dead lovers of the world
Shuddered in their graves
With the reminder of the love in life,
The wind joined her voice with the nightingale's
And carried her song to the ends of the the earth,
To the darkest caves where Echo returned it,
To the ocean's waves that kept the time,
To the peaceful moors where the grass danced along,
To the sleeping child to give her sweet dreams.

"Closer, closer!"
Urged the rose bush,
"I must taste your heart's blood
Before dawn,
Or the rose will not be done."

So the nightingale pressed closer still to the thorn
As the rose bush spun the most beautiful rose
It had ever spun.
But red! A red red rose it was.
"Closer still!"
Cried the rose bush,
And the nightingale pressed closer until her heart was pricked.
A bolt of pain struck the nightingale
And her song rang out through the garden,
Her melody, sweet with love and anguish,
Reached the ears of the young man.
He sat up in his bed,
And was so moved by the nightingale's song,
He stayed awake to listen.

As the nightingale's heart-blood poured onto the rose,
The reddest rose washed white as a freshly fallen snow,
Her tears mingled with the blood,
For only blood can wash out blood,
And only tears can heal.
And so the red rose became white,
As dewdrops and starlight,
As the nightingale's voice grew faint.
And she fell to the ground as the first breath of dawn
Shone gray on the horizon.

The whole garden heaved a sigh
As the nightingale's song was done.
A chorus of flowers and crickets and wind
Sang their mournful song
For the little nightingale
Who gave her life for love.

When the sun had risen in the sky,
The young man walked out into the garden
And saw the white rose.
Carefully he cut it, admiring its beauty.
He did not notice the nightingale,
Laying dead on the ground.

He gazed at the rose in awe,
And inhaled its damask perfume.
It smelled of starlight and sweet dreams,
Of mothers' lullabies and midnight kisses,
Of laughter and heartache,
Of True Love and tender death.

"This is the rose for my beloved,"
He said to himself,
And he prepared himself for the ball.

That night, when the sun had set again,
He met his fair lady, whom he so dearly loved.
"This rose is for you, so that you will dance with me."
He handed her the rose, the white rose with no thorns.
She took it gently, breathing in its scent.

"Dear boy, I will dance with you tonight."

He took her hand and led her out onto the floor.
They danced and danced
All through the evening,
More than rules of decency allow.
She smiled and laughed and fell in love.

When the evening closed
And it was time to go home,
She held the white rose close to her heart
And breathed in its sweet perfume.
Her heart was happy
And faintly, a nightingale's song
Seemed to whisper in her ear.
She grabbed the young man by the hand,
The man whom she loved.

"I will dance with you all the nights of my life,
If you so desire," she whispered.
"My darling, I desire no more," the young man smiled,
His blue eyes sparkling in the lamplight.

For love is a silly thing.
It is not half so useful as logic,
But it is twice so important.
True Love tells only things
That are the most true.
It tells of joy and comfort,
But also of sacrifice and pain.
And in this age,
Though to be practical is everything,
Love is the most important of all.
This was inspired by Oscar Wilde's short story, The Rose and the Nightingale, and a couple lines were taken from the Ballad of Reading Gaol, among other works by Wilde. I didn't like how his story ended, so I changed it. It's a story of love and sacrifice now, instead of being a picture of the modern day. It's hope.
Sibyl Vane Mar 2014
Stu-pid. Stu-pid. Stu-pid.
Can you hear it?
stupid stupid stupid
I hear it.
The sound of my heart.
Don't you?
It seems so loud
When it's hammering
In my ears.
Don't listen.
stupidstupidstupid
I trusted them.
stu pid stu pid stu pid*
I was stupid.
Sibyl Vane Mar 2014
Job made God mad.
Go check it out.
Chapters 38-41
Of the Book of Job.
Job was praying to God, but
Challenging His wisdom and justice,
Demanding an explanation.
So God said,
"Brace yourself like a man;
I will question you,
And you shall answer me."
And God asked Job
If he was there
When the earth was formed,
If he could send lightning bolts
On their way,
If he could give orders to the morning
Or show dawn its place.
And things like that.

Job couldn't do anything.

At first, I was distracted by God's anger.
It took me a minute to see the point.

Now flip to Ecclesiastes 3:11.
This is what it says,
"He has made everything beautiful
in its time.
He has also set eternity
in the hearts of men,
Yet none can fathom what God has done
from beginning to end."

That makes it make more sense,
don't you think?
God's telling Job
that He is all-knowing,
infinitely wise and powerful.
And wholly Good.
Job can't understand the greater picture.
In our ignorance,
we get angry at God.
And can you blame God
For getting a little frustrated?
He has a perfect and good plan,
There is a reason for everything.
We just don't understand
In our finitude.
So we get angry
When God is really being Good,
And we just can't see it.

God told Job to
Trust Him.
Look at all I've done!
Look at my goodness,
My power,
My wisdom.
If you can understand all of these things,
If you can do all of these things,
You will understand my ways.

But we cannot.

That's faith.
Not a leap in the dark.
A decision to trust the Most High,
Based on knowledge.
But passing from knowledge
To the things that we cannot know,
Like the greater plan that God has for us.

It's just hard sometimes.
Sibyl Vane Mar 2014
I am not very good at feeling
Inward.
I can sympathize, empathize.
But when anything is turned back on me,
I can't make heads or tales of it.
So I don't know if he likes me,
A feeling that comes back to me.
I think I like him,
But I don't know what to make of that.
I sometimes don't relate well to people
Because I don't care about social politics
And that's all that seems to matter.
You may see what I write and think,
"I wouldn't like Sibyl much either,
If I knew her."
That's possible.
Likely, even.
Sibyl is basically Ophelia,
But a little better developed
And a little more tragic
And quite a bit more innocent.
She has the same role as Ophelia.
But she's an actress.
Sibyl is such an interesting character,
There's something so relatable about her.
We all sort of have a Sibyl inside of us.
That's not to say we all will **** ourselves over rejection,
I hope that isn't the case and won't happen to anyone.
But I don't know anything.
Je ne sais rien
Je ne connais rien
And that's okay.

Anyway,
I think I'd like him to know that I think he's
Really great.
For many reasons.
But I'm too scared.
Because my feelings run too deep
And I don't really understand them.

And it's like firing the cannon at the continent
And carving out the cliff
And digging the hole
And having a brick-maker when there's no need for bricks.
It all gets crazy in the heart of darkness
And nothing seems to make sense
In my mess of emotions,
Like an elaborate tangle of black yarn.
Sibyl Vane Mar 2014
I shivered in the quiet
Late winter evening
When some days feel like spring.
This was not a spring time poseur.
It was late winter
Through and through.
I wrapped my coat tighter
As I walked down the cracked sidewalk
In my old white chucks,
Jeans, and a lumpy blue sweater.

The church wasn't quiet
That Thursday evening
There was a fundraising dinner for missions
And we hadn't quite finished setting up.
The wealthy mingled
With the middle-class and the homeless.
No one knew or cared for the difference.
We were putting forks, and spoons, and knives
On the round tables
Together.

I followed the old lady in charge
As she told me to get this, get that,
Find something or another
In the chaotic decorating closet, 105.
Room one-oh-five.
That old lady is something else.
Short of stature,
But not lacking in attitude,
A penchant for wreaking havoc,
And one of the most wonderful people I know.

She was there, with her gray-blue eyes
And slow Southern drawl,
Talking to another lady.
Visibly uncomfortable,
Out of place.
Wiry black  hair,
Turning gray around her face,
Eyes fretful and brow
Creased with worry.

I hadn't seen her before.
Her name was written in
Scratchy script on a laniard
Which means that she is homeless.

I said hello, introduced myself,
And went about my work.
She worked alongside me,
As we were given tasks
In hasty preparation
For the dinner.

We worked in silence
For some time, not awkward,
Just busy.
She began to talk.
I wasn't paying close attention at first.
But I quickly realized she was telling me her story.

That's all we have, you know?
Our story is the only thing people can't take away.
They can't take away who we are,
In the narrow confines of our skull,
And whatever else there may be.

I had a hunch she was new to being homeless.
A hunch that she confirmed.
The seasoned and practiced have a look to them,
And the new have a look to them,
And you get accustomed to it
After some time.

Her husband abused her
And she couldn't take it anymore
She had two kids,
Both in a local high school.
I don't know where they are.
She doesn't know how she's going to pay for college
When she's out on the streets.
She doesn't know what to do
Where to go
How to work the system just to get by.

This is what I know:
These people I've come to love
Just want to be useful
To have a purpose.

We're all going to be big stars one day, right?
What about them?
We all want to change the world.
But we can't do it with our eyes only looking in the mirror
And our hearts cold.

We,
All of us.
Every single one of us.
Sibyl Vane Mar 2014
he loves me
he loves me not
he loves me
he loves me not
he loves me
he loves me not

I walked outside yesterday
And it's almost springtime.
Right on the cusp of it.
The air is sharp
In the morning.
Shiver,
Wrap your arms around you
And pretend that makes you
So much warmer.
Look both ways as you cross the street,
And realize
That you don't know anything.

Are we scared of our shadow?
Or is spring coming early this year?
does he love me?
does he not?

I pick the petals
From the flower
That was so convinced
It was spring,
That it wasn't scared
Of its shadow,
Or if it was,
It decided to be brave.

I picked the petals off
One by one
From a brave little flower

Am I scared of my shadow?
Or will I decide
That it's spring,
Time to grow and bloom?

And I drop the petals
Into the crisp breeze,
Into the car exhaust,
Into...
Where?
Springtime?

he loves me...
what?
Sibyl Vane Mar 2014
You're here
I'm here
Writing about our
Thoughts
and
Feelings

Like they matter.

I mean,
obviously
We think they matter
Or we wouldn't bother sharing

Even if we say
That we're just venting.

Let's face it--
it matters.

We have all these important things to say
But we just say them to each other
Here
To we the people
Who already know
And understand.

You, out there.
Where you are
I've been there.
Most people here
Can say that.

Why tell me?

Tell everyone else.
They need to hear it

We all have our stories.
If we open up
And share and listen
And care.

It might be a little bit
More okay.
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