Scatter the petals
Rose's dipped
in red paint.

Blow out the candles
That sparkle
in your eyes.

Softly let me go
Dreams repeating
a broken record.

Providing a muse
My love for you
set me free

Now I feel
Torn to pieces
from love undone.

Catch a ray of light
Shining into my life
high as a kite.

Euphoria leaving me
Drunk on love
self induced elation.

Happiness transcends
Through every bone
in my body.

Your music is my trance
Spinning in circles
my own MDMA.

My feet leave the ground
My prayers enhanced
molly beside me.

You're my small Chanel tab
Placed on my tongue
drug of choice.

Gaultier gown, Haute Couture
Icon of this past decade
femme de la nuit.

© Sia Jane

----

"You're better suited for making love than for making war. "  
The Discreet Charm of the Bourgeoisie

It hurts
my heart
Aching for
her
What will
never be.

How do I tell
anyone
The secrets I
hold
Within
me.

Butterflies
form in
The pit
of
My
stomach.

Her smile
is my
Smile
her happiness
My
happiness.

I'm lost in a
mind field
One of love,
lust
Coupled with
anxiety, fear.

I'm trying to
let go
I'm
trying
To move
away.

It hurts
my heart
Aching for
her
What will
never be.

© Sia Jane

“To burn with desire and keep quiet about it is the greatest punishment we can bring on ourselves.”
―Federico García Lorca, Blood Wedding and Yerma

Lost boy, parental fears
Where will he go, will he try
To be where the sky ends
Or will he simply fade
As they so fear.

Hear this music, listen to what
Goes on for him in these lyrics
They tell the story of his heart
Tears fill, his broken heart
Purging feelings through salt water tears.

The pain is washed out
Misunderstood, abandoned, alone
Heroic front, brotherly responsibilities
Big man of the house
Father away, managing life a different way.

Two children, run free
Escaping through stories
The written word, pen to paper
Hand written, dictated by those
Who sing through the radio and television.

Make believe, faery tales
A brother cradles his younger sister
He sings a lullaby he once was
Sang to himself as a young boy
As she giggles and laughs closing her eyes.

A house is never a home
Unless love is painted over the walls
Home has a heartbeat, every step
Inside every room, a smile lights
Filled with dreams, love and hope.

A family is a unit, connected at
Each and every portal, never undone
Whether a war rages in each of their minds
Together they will unite
Regardless as to whether blood is thicker than water.

© Sia Jane

An open road, one lone walker
A black clear sky, Orion's Belt
Alnitak, Alnilam and Mintaka
Viewed in the early night sky
Constellations scattered
A full moon sits high
The eye is distracted by
The light
The road so bare
Not a soul to be seen
Guided by thoughts
Alone
Turning a corner onto
The narrow back track
Homeward bound, no end
To this, journey that started
With just one step
Into the abyss, a distant
Wanderer, who'd always
Be lost.

© Sia Jane

Who do you pray to?
on my knees
palms forced together
leaning against the wall
my head touching
raw cold paint.
I speak out loud
whispering voices inside
my head & my heart
continuing to speak
courage is summoned
chattering out words
sentences slowly forming.
I am asking questions impossible
praying to a god
that I don't even know I
believe in
yet so many nights
down on my knees
finding myself mid prayer.
I realise my hypocrisy
as I only ever grace a god
when struggles tear me apart
knock me down
or jubilations, thanking above
secrets from this soul.
I spend over thirty minutes
on these knees, bruised, worn
from day after day of prayer
gravel floors & concrete walls
creatures crawling everywhere.
I beg for forgiveness for those
sins I assumed committed
tears in my eyes
welling & glassy
forgive me lord I have sinned.
I promise to do better, be better
wiping the tears my fingers
covered in black
mascara smears across
the sinner or the saints face.
I'm still on my knees
resembling those at
the wailing wall
my nose & right cheek
pressed to the side
not only praying but
wishing, hoping, a sight
close to begging.
I wonder where I lost
my pride
if anyone were to see me
my life would surely end
a single drop is all I need
for the simplistic to keep
me safe from my own heart
its sorrows, loves & all who
penetrate my attempted
rhino thick skin.
I even talk to god about
love
there is no company in
this girls story
she talks aloud of love
of passion, words I would
never dare share with another.
I am caught between four walls
this room has heard
so much in the decades gone
confessions
blood smeared walls
the names of past lovers
spelled out
my heartbreak, take away
that tourniquet that allows
the cleansing of my soul
cathartic bleeding, wash away
the monsters below the skin
ivory skin, silver scars marked
a sketched out story
on me, and on the walls
of this cage.

© Sia Jane

Faeries & goblins, angels & demons
in the sky above
or on the ground below
make a wish on a
dandelion clock, watch the pieces
dissipate into the
cloudy blue skies
as a rainbow forms
amidst droplets of rain
peal away those petals
off the daisy braided flower
we must all eventually
f
      a
            l
                  l
from our seeming grace
be that a leaf, a branch
snowfall, even you
we all fall apart, in this
torn up land
collapsing like a snowman
melting in the heat
puddles of water
glazed with ice
how you stare at your reflection
in that heaven made pool
of crystallized water
lightening diamonds
gazing closer you lose footing
face downwards you tumble
lost in a fabricated mirror
measuring your self worth
dream state or nightmare
truth or dare
it becomes your wonderland, the
gateway to your dreams
those angels and faeries
will surrender their love
cushioning the blow with those clouds
they'll let you ride that unicorn over the rainbow
those goblins will stitch you into custom
fitted couture
majestic carpets pass with lovers of before
fantasy? reality?
are they merging as one?
unable to think or feel, was she
living or dying?
was she over the edge or still hovering
above
flashbacks of life
making their place known
in her dreams she is usually
dying
these were the ones that
were the best she ever
had
she knew she wouldn't go to
hell
as hell was her place on earth
so maybe heaven awaited
and this was her chance.

© Sia Jane

The cracks appeared but
they were not like those
that you see as you walk
a pavement, chasing the
gaps that parted, each
cemented slab,
they were more like
shattered pieces of glass
that formed on a marble
floor as you threw down
the champagne flute
hurt, angered
passion rearing its head
a mixture of pleasure
and pain
relieving the numbness -
the pleasure
reliving the past -
the pain

Lipstick marked partial
pieces of glass, matching
the blood that began to
seep from her hand as
she collated the pieces
scarring the floor
droplets fell, she brought
her palm to the side
taking up the blood
into her parted lips
loosely letting go of
any glass in
the palm
of her
hand

On her knees she lifted
her body
slowly
he took his Prada shoe
kicking her
a blow to the stomach
knocking her
to the floor below
she missed the glass
table
by mere inches
saving her head from
a similar blow

As he walked
away,
he flicked his cigar
unfinished, on her
barely clothed body
and from a distance
spat and cursed in
his mother tongue
"Puttana!"
"Ti disprezzo!"

She kept her head down
her hair knotted in
the smashed glass,
picking the stem of the
hollow flute, she
threw it
flying through the air
hitting him,
to the shin
"*******!"

The words, pulsated
through the air
bouncing off all four
walls,
she held no regrets
she had become accustomed
to the repercussions of her
own counter attacks
she didn't even quiver

They had fallen
convicted criminals
of passion and pain
numbness
reality a daze
blood and fire
alight

Neither left the room
until the following
morning
whiskey bottles emptied
clothes disarrayed
blood on the walls

In this fight between
passion and pain
neither would leave,
abandon this disrupted
****** up ship

"Stay!"
the only word she
would murmur
when all was
said,
and done.

© Sia Jane

Her head is bowed
her mind is a mess
drowning in information
still starved for
knowledge

Netted bow wrapped
around her hair
piled curls sitting
gripped and held
pinned

Her jumper slides
shoulder exposed where
numbers mark a
shared tattoo of
love

A walking travesty
lips trained to
part to allow
a smile at
everything

Dance to a
beat her presence
my retreat for
lyrical soothing I'm
lost

She touches each
passing of air
that swims around
my body exposed
imagine

Sitting with me
she smiles graciously
my head turns
blushing falling for
her

Captured I've come
undone again where
love is blind
scaring me to
hell

I realise again
those lyrics once
heard,
that even the sun
sets in paradise.

© Sia Jane

Save her once
save her twice
what value do we ever
put on a life

Skip a beat
miss a heart
she always knows the way
to resuscitate me

Her face a
picture of caress
it holds me close to
those havens safe

Her touch is
lightening deep in
my soul that craves her
living open soul

It crashes through
the empty pain
numb I come alive in
a force unmistaken

Don't leave me
the broken girl
for she promises to live
as long as
you
       love
               her

Empty hearted
numb and dumb
save me one last time
fight is all she can promise

Set me free
from the monster
under my bed
that keeps the voices
company in my head

Needy and desperate
crying to you silently
free me
free me
set
      me
             free

She doesn't need saving,
she is strong enough
but she loves like no other
can't fight that feeling
of needing
the love
of
another.

© Sia Jane

Hitting me, anger assuming it's
common place, during such
arguments of hate and jealousy
it can be seen in your eyes and
through every vein, that pulsates
through your body, back at me
red and igniting, your body it's
own temple of fire and petrol gas
thrown on by my ever answering
back voice, later silenced.

My only means of pacifying
you, is to pull you close as
rough as you drag me,
to the floor, kiss you and
allow you to **** me, forcing
all your weight upon, this now
fragile pale skinned girl, as no
light has crossed her bruised
face in so many days, food is
a weakness, her work her, salvation.

Submissive, I divide you in to
two separate entities, the good of
you, shows affection like no other
passion and commitment, flowers
show up at work, rings, bracelets,
gifts to appease my beaten self
making me, again, yours, again
**** me, it keeps the monster in
you, at bay, controlled I beg for
more, you liked it that way.

The power, it curbed the anger, curbed my, anxiety and fear of the
unknown, never able to control
the relentless moods demons that
raged through you each and every
moment, you looked me in the eyes
hatred or love, baby blue eyes you
would smile, baby blue eyes you
would swear, voice getting louder
walls broken, face smashed in.

How I left you, I will never know
only now do I see, nothing I did
or could have done, would change
what you did to me those days and
nights, of pain and torture, ****
me, maybe it was deserved or
maybe I made it that way to appease
him, even myself, but I ask what
would a real man have done?
answer, not that, right?

© Sia Jane

My mum she always told me I was akin to
a butterfly
She described me as an electric blue that matched
my eyes
One that no one can miss or go unnoticed yet one
who flew
In a way that meant she was spotted and seen
never observed
Fleeting passive outgrown unlived her soul that soared in
spiralled loops
Never let her go they cried out as a child for she will only ever
run away
Each flinch of her wings each momentary rest she knew time only
chased her
So she flew escaped wandered endless continents with each breath
new life
But never forget the old proverb; all that is gold does not glitter
and essentially
Not all those who wander are lost
Because I am not lost, I just found my wings that were all at once clipped
when young.

© Sia Jane

It's 4.02am
the usual numbers
flicker on the screen
as I stare
and wonder
clock watching
it becomes an
old habit
a creature of such.

4.03am
glancing at the
time as my
battery dies slowly
it slips away
in the same vein
as my mind that
was lost back in
adolescence on a
sleepless night as I
counted the stars in
the blacked out sky.

4.06am
my mind is alive
fireworks are kicking
to come alight in the
last few moments
before dawn breaks
across the moors and
over the cattle that
fill the fields around me.

4.07am
adverts scream from
the television that
keeps me company
into the hours that
pass surprisingly quickly
which always unsettles
me.

4.08am
am I still real or have I
turned into a nocturnal
varmint of sorts as the
animals and freaks all
come out
at night.

4.12am
I see dusk and dawn
midnight and noon
curtains drawn
my head
falls onto
the pillow as I
hope only
to
sleep.

© Sia Jane