I'm lost in a sea of twisting emotions,
the ship that I'm in
sinking more every second.
One last forceful wave
strikes right in the middle
and the stern and the bow
are now separate pieces.
I can feel myself being pulled under,
into the frigid, black water
I'm holding my breath,
but I can't much longer.
You can't hear me screaming for help,
so I just keep it all to myself
for no one can save me now
as I've already begun to drown.

I don't know if I miss you anymore.
I mean, my chest still aches subtly
And my throat burns when I say your name
And my eardrums explode when I hear someone with your laugh
And I nearly go insane everytime a thought of you pops in my mind
But i don't believe I miss you
Because I haven't called in a while
And I don't ask people how you are
And I'm slowly forgetting the color of your eyes
And I can feel you forgetting me.
I know I still think about you
Just about everyday
But I think I miss the thought of you
More than I miss the person who all the thoughts belong to.

If you could just step back for a minute
And peer through the window into my mind
You would see the reason I feel this
You could truly see that I'm not lying.

But we're fighting in circles
And all that makes us is sick
And if this how it will always be
Maybe we should both quit.

I wish I could get lost in your eyes
Because I would stay there forever
Clinging to the only thing known
To a mind as lonely as me.

I want to be swept away in your voice
Because I hear it every day
Playing through and through
To a heart that's lacking me and you.

And I thought I'd never go back...
But now look at where I am.
Sitting in the passenger seat of a minivan
I try to hold back all of the feelings
That have crept forward into my mind.

Today, I saw you.
Also something I've never thought would happen again.
You were driving past in your old, blue F-150.
I only caught a glimpse,
But in that glimpse I saw every hope and dream of us
That I've ever had.
Then I blinked, and it was all over.

And now I might want to plunge my worm and hook
Back into the same lake I found you.
But for all I know
You could be on belonging to another
And I just know that they wouldn't let you go.

Dramatic loops and swirls
Messily covered the manila page
Scrawled too quickly.

His goodbye was too sudden
Just dropping like an atomic bomb over my heart
Destroying everything within proximity.

The lasting effects are stuck on me
An abrasion I carry under my skin
Like a heavy weight everyday.

I passed the pain down to my liver today
Trying to drown out memories
And trying to stop the voice in my head

Stop it from crying
Stop it from yelling his name over and over
Like a broken record stuck on the worst song

But alas nothing has been able to silence myself
Not cheap, bad *** with strangers
Or toxins that help erase images.

I'm stuck in my own mind
Where I'm completely unaccompanied
Except for him, of course.

Such bittersweet serendipity it was
Loving someone like you for a good lot of time
But afterwards
The numb settles down upon my heart
And I'm left with disconcerting theories
Of what it could have been like
If you had stayed just one more time.

When he put his hands on me
he took my last bit of dignity.
I pushed him away,
but he kept coming back,
cuffed me to a chair
and touched every part of me.
It was over fast,
but the feeling inside me will never pass.

When I think about the day
The day you will leave me
The day you will slowly begin to escape my memory
The day I will completely disappear from you
The day it will be as though you and I have never existed
I start to wonder if you’ll ever really be gone
Or if your presence will linger with me
When I’m sitting in my car with my friend on Saturday night
Or when I’m cuddling a pet to my chest in the comfort of my room
Or when I meet someone new, someone a lot like you
My dear, I’m starting to wonder if it’ll always be you

Will
        I
          Ever
                  Recover?
Plenty of times I've asked myself.
Even after all these months have flown by,
You're still the way I abide by.

I know it's ridiculous, and strange as well,
And I know if you were going to come back
You already would have.
Still, that changes not a thing.

For summer is approaching
And I'm hoping it will bring
Another chance, a spark, the gleam in those eyes
That I loved so dearly as you laid on my side.

Love doesn't come around just to go.
It stays forever,
even if the person never shows.
Love is a constant,
not always easy,
but not always hard.
Love is not something to mess with
it's serious as can be,
but love can also be fun
if you play it the right way.

Isn't it funny
How when someone leaves you
That they're the only person
you'd want to talk to about it?

I wish he could feel what I feel,
because not knowing is hurting him so
and the last thing I want to do
is break apart his heart and soul.

He came back for a reason
wish I knew what it was.
I'm still a wreck in a dress
and he's on top of his world.

My heart is a time bomb
always counting down,
ready to explode
I really hope he can get out.