And I don't think I've ever been more encouraged
to be myself,
to be a friend,
to be better than anyone thought.
You've told me so many times
that I don't need a person to make me feel special
because it's not worth the try
if I'm not joyous myself.

Now, my feet are planted firmly on the ground,
even though I allow my head to emerge in the clouds.
At one point my hope was quickly fleeting
But you brought it back, and fortunately
left me with nothing but delightful feelings.

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

Four days ago,
I was told that you were as good as gone
And I believed in that philosophy
For the life of me.

So I concocted a plan
So nefarious, so devastating
You would never recover.

Today, I received a message
At 10:17 p.m.
Asking me to come back.

I wasn't astonished
Because I knew my scheme would prevail.

Because a guy like you
Cannot stand being ignored
By someone they were trying to disregard.

I'm damaged
                       Torn
                                Shattered
                  ­                               Broken.
I'm that bottle of tequila mostly empty
Dropped on the bathroom floor and forgotten long ago.

In pieces on the floor,
Or whole in the trash...
I'm not sure which one is better.
Either way, I'd be considered no good-
A pile of nothingness.

But I was once useful.
Someone used me to forget
Someone used me to find something
And someone else used me to have fun.
But I've given everything away
I'm used.

And that's why I was left
Shattered on the cold, desolate floor
Empty and drained...
I didn't deserve to be whole-
Even in the trash.

People tell me
That I was alive before you
So I can live without you.
But the truth is
I never was alive until I met you
Everything I felt
It wasn't real.

When you showed up
Everything just bursted with color
And roared to life
As did I
I was strong
And victorious
I was the queen.

And then you left
And everything went gray
And everything fell apart
And that's when I knew it was over.


I was never alive
Just there.