Sℳǐζξ

Sℳǐζξ Mar 2014

I wake in the night screaming your name
The nightmares get worse
It's like their stabbing my brain.
I need you to hold me
But your not here
When I realize this
That's when the fear
Comes creeping in.
You told me you loved me
But you lied
Now all I'm wishing for is
To die.
My worst nightmare
Came true
When you looked me in my eyes
I realized my worst fear was
You.

Sℳǐζξ Mar 2014

tonight.

I'm sitting here going crazy
In my mind.
Rocking back and forth
Wondering why.
Why I'm not good enough
Why nobody cares
Just why
Why am I still here.

Sℳǐζξ Mar 2014

it haunts me.

You deserve so much better
Than me.
You say you don't
But there's things I swear you don't see.
You've treated me so good
Like a princess of
Some sort
And I've broken your heart.
I love you with everything I have
But sometimes
I fear I should let go.
Cause you see
You deserve better than me.
You don't deserve
To be hurt all because
Of my mistakes.
You don't deserve to suffer
Because I opened my legs.
You should
Be with an angel
Not a demon.
You shouldn't have to
Worry about me
Because I feel like this
You should be happy
You should be in complete
Bliss.
And with me you are not any
Of this.
I cry sometimes because
Of what I did.
It haunts me just like it does you.

Sℳǐζξ Mar 2014

my aching wrist.

When this feeling comes
I start shaking
And wrist starts aching
I don't know
What to do.
He says if that blade
Meets my skin
He'll leave me again.
But he doesn't understand
I need to feel
The pain
I need to feel that blade
Deep in my wrist
I know I'm insane.
But I can't fight the feeling
I can't not want to
Cut
And watch the blood
Drip down my arm
And hit the floor.
At this point someone will
Normally open my door
And ill smile
With tears of regret.
Regret not for the cut
Or the blood
But for the hurt I have to you.
I do this to harm myself
And yet other hurt to.

Sℳǐζξ Mar 2014

I'll be praying.

Looking at you now
Ill try not to cry
I can't promise
I won't
Because you see
I'm not as strong
As I used to be.
Today your
Coming home
With either
Tears or a smile.
Which I won't
Know for a
Little while.
Ill pray that there's
A smile
On your face
When you walk in.
But God
Can always
Make these things
Go away.
Oh ill pray he does.
Cancer already
Took one loved one
I'm not about to
Let it take two.

Sℳǐζξ Mar 2014

yes.

You were just about to leave
When I asked you to stay one more night with me.
You looked so confused
You had just told me that we were done.
But still I was not going to give up.
We were laying so close
That night
My face buried in your chest.
Telling you how much I love you even till
This day I will not forget
When you looked at me and said,
"I can't be your friend,
I can't be your boyfriend,
So..."
You looked right into my eyes
"Will you marry me "
I was so shocked and happy at the same time
And I know you knew this
When the tears fell from my eyes.
I said yes
But of course I did.
That day you proved to me how much you
Love me,
And I know after I said yes I had proved my
Love for you.

Sℳǐζξ Mar 2014

heaven.

Kiss my cold lips
And whisper
Those words.
Don't fear for
Me
Because here
I am not alone.
I'm surrounded
By angels.
Sweet creators
They are.
They hold my hands
And tell me of
This great man.
I see him now walking
Towards me.
The lights so bright
I can hardly see.
He touches me softly
Whispers and says
Darling child
Today's not your day.
I'm shot back to life
And I awake to see
You eyes.
Filled with tears
From when I was not here.
All I can do
Is look at you and
Say
It's beautiful there
And if you weren't here
I would of begged
To stay.