Rusty knives and razor blades
Prescription pills and *****
Head banging and punches
And self inflicted trauma

**** hits and tall buildings
Open windows and tears
Cold showers and beds
And gone, forgotten years

Choke holds and slaps
Suffocation and crying
Pain and suffering
And constant constant lying

Leather chairs and doctors
Empty pill bottles and warnings
Stitches and bandages
And lonely, cold mornings

Emergency rooms and ambulances
Cold ground and screams
Stuff me in a hospital
As I tear apart my own seams

Anger is "***** him"
Anger is yelling at yourself
With all the windows up
Anger is digging your nail into your hand
In a desperate attempt to feel pain
To feel pain over the anger
Anger is forgetting your meds
And screaming at your sister
Anger is frustration
Is disappointment
Is giving up
All wrapped into a nice little package,
Conveniently engulfed in flames

Sadness is 2 am
Sadness is self doubt
Is self pity
Sadness is overbearing
And haunting
Sadness is crying out of nowhere
Sadness is the floor at night
Convulsing uncontrollably from overdose
Banging your head against the wall
Sadness is infinite and finite
Sadness is healthy
And deadly

Fearless and driven
Not in the heroic way
Or in the way that builds character
But in the way that digs graves
Fearless and driven to bring about my own demise
Not void of guilt or shame
Fearless and driven in ignoring those emotions