The next time someone says that
someone else is skin and bones
I'll say that they don't know
what the heck they're talking about
because they haven't seen you
and the way your skin grips tightly to your
tired old bones
the way it sags in some parts
because there's barely any bone to cling on to
or how your skeleton of a body
just lies there uncomfortably on the bed that isn't your own
I can hear you crying out for home
you are the epitome of skin and bones
skin and bones
skin and bones
you are the epitome of skin and bones

But you are the strongest skin and bones I know.

I've never seen you in pain before.
Not even when you cut your finger
or fell down the stone stairs
You complained about everything and everyone else but
not once did you complain about your bones creaking
or back aching
or feet hurting
or knees shaking.
You never told me when you were sick.
I'd only find out from the medicine bottle beside your plate
or from Mom who'd say.
You never told me you were sick.
I only found out from Dad and the way
your body slowly faded every
single
day.
I found out from your headaches
your new scars
your bloodred skin in some parts
your speaking
your breathing
You struggled with your  breathing
yet you refused to be confined
because you wanted to make sure
someone would take care of me.
I can take care of myself!
I should be the one taking care of you so
why would you...
how could you...

You are the strongest skin and bones I know.

But I saw you in pain today.
I didn't think that
it would hurt me that much
to see your face white and crying
your brows knitted together
your bony hands clutching your stomach.
You didn't want me to see you so
I left the room because even in your agony
you didn't want me to watch.
I bet you were pressing the cancer down, telling it,
"I'm not going
The eldest hasn't graduated
The youngest isn't in high school yet
and I still need to teach the second to make chocolate cake."
Or maybe you were telling it,
"Stop it.
My apo* shouldn't see me like this.
If I'll go, I'll go quietly.
I know when I'm defeated.
Just stop the pain
because more than me, it's hurting them.
Stop."

You are the strongest skin and bones I know.

Lolo was a fighter.
He fought it tooth and nail.
They gave him a month
He showed them a year and a half
because he refused to go down
without a battle
without seeing the face of
the grandson he'd been waiting for.
He saw him and held him.
He was hairless and his lungs were blackened,
but he saw him and held him.
But you are a fighter, too.
In your own way.
You don't want to fight like he did
no, you don't want us to see you like that.
You fight with your eyes
with your silent love
with the way you finally let my rough lips
brush against your soft forehead today
with the way you gripped Mom's hand tightly
for the first time
with the way you let my brother clumsily kiss your eye
with the way you let us stay the whole day
even though we were kind of sort of rowdy
with the way you want to go home
with the way your lips silently
formed an amen when we prayed for you.
You never did that before.
I know you'll keep fighting like that
and I know you know when it's time to fight
and when it's time to surrender.
I don't know what's going to happen
but please promise me you'll surrender in peace
without pain
without troubles
without fear
and please, before you go
I want to tell you that

You are the strongest skin and bones I know.

I built over time a mansion house
stairs anchored the inside that twisted up past
archways I knew he would walk underneath
but the perfect height for you to stroll beside me

I ignored the roar of creaking doors
bay windows that spilled sunlight on wooden floors
the footsteps that fell on them were never the same
because you weren't there, they whispered your name

I tried so hard but all that it takes
is something so cinematic you say
so explosive with that effortless smile
a look from you enough to splinter these tiles

I stand still as the sound crescendos
and ricochets off all the windows
they never held in their shiny surface
the moment we caught  that reflection of us

I come too  close to those deep blues
watch as the tidal wave rises like two
hundred horsemen storming the castle
these walls I built don't stand a chance in a battle

cos he doesn't know that I laid down
those foundations to somehow crush right on out
this longing I have, this song in my head
that some day you might just love me back instead

My love for you was boundless, it stretched from each corner of the earth.
I was blind to your faults, my angel with sapphire eyes.
A faithful minstrel singing praises of your worth,
Sworn fealty to you and I swore never to defy.

Yet your innocence was crumbling, left broken in your hands.
Happily I stood loyal by your side.
While I became less of an equal and more of a soldier to command.
Your valour slowly fading, now nothing to you was denied.

Suspicion took root in your once trusting nature.
Selfishness gained momentum
And swooped down in one quick gesture.
We your friends a corrupted sanctum.

But no matter how we sewn you up like a patchwork dress,
You lashed out with words like daggers drawing blood.
The seams came undone, the buttons flying under stress.
The more you withdrew, the callousness arrived in a flood.

Your fall from grace was longer than most
Up so high you must have touched  heaven.
But when you let life spear you and let the poison spread
I realised afterall you are a person. Just a person.

I know I don't tell you enough, that you sustain me
and allow me to breathe.
You are my shepherds warning and the peck on my cheek goodnight.
Your the heartening wholesome warmth at the rear of my mind.
Your arms are a welcoming sunrise after the night is endless,
and an immortal nightmare has descended.
I take you for granted like my drawn breath,
In the same way I know one second without you would result, in instant death.
You let me put my head on your shoulder,
when sticky shadows engrave themselves like tattoos on my skin
and leave a trail to follow that is the ugly stench of my sin.
I am forever indebted to you, for your constant stream of faith
Even when the firmest believers, suitcases in hand wordlessly have fled the state.
I offer you my little words of gratitude, though I know it will never be enough
to the love that you've  bestowed on me.
The love I did not earn yet you gave, as you picked me up and dusted me down and sent me out to believe.

Let me go.
Please let me go.
Your iron clad thorns have struck too deep
and I'm struggling to free myself from captivity.
Have mercy.
I can't fix you.
For every time you bleed, I can't purge you of your feverish nightmares.
I cannot make night into day-your faith is misplaced in me.
My hands aren't made of steel,
I'm not whimsical, your fairy godmother donned in worn purple converse and a knitted granny jumper.
I've got more weaknesses than an Achilles heel.
Don't make me indestructible as I will fall,
and fall I will and you make the choice whether you add your chain to my link or cut your loses before you rust.
So let me go.
Let me go.