Black. Ugly. Growing.
It mustn't be allowed to fertilize.
It must be felled with a well aimed blow.
In the midst of the dozen red roses,
It is the Black Rose covered with thorns.

Pain. Blackness. Piercing Intensity.
I wonder.  I beg.  I plead.
There is no progress, only decaying emotions.
The only release possible presents itself.
Nonexistence.

Thoughts piercing my skull,
Whirling 'round, seeking escape.
Finding none, they make their own exit.
Pain ends in unconsciousness, unconsciousness in....
Nonexistence.

Sometimes it is just too easy to quit.
Sometimes it is just too hard to keep going.
Sometimes I don't care.
Sometimes I care too much.

The pain is inside,
The pain is outside.
Sometimes I just want it to stop.
Sometimes I think about stopping it.

Then you show up.
You either call or come over ....and I have no choice.
I have to stay here.
I have to keep going.
I have to keep feeling.

Why do you tie me to this world?
Why do you care so much, whether I'm here or not?
Why do I have to care so much for you?
Why can't I just rest, sleep, find peace?

The joy of having you in my life is all that saves me.
The joy of having you in my heart is all that keeps me going.
I am tied to this life because of you.
We belong, here and now.

I fight the darkness with everything I am,
Because I know I have to if I want to survive.
I want to survive because you have shown me what Love is.
You have shown me that the Light is my Salvation.

The doors we opened together have changed me.
I still want to sleep - find peace,
But I know that I will be able to do that only when I am free.
I will not be free until I finish the work set before me.

You will not let me go.
You say it is because you love me.
I love you so much it hurts.
That is why I set you free.

My advice to you?
Run, don't walk, to your nearest exit.
That way, you won't see the end....and I won't feel the guilt.
As long as you stay, I can't leave.
As long as I stay, there is pain.

Run.
I am.

Shattered glass falls around my feet as you look away.
Shattered glass that held all my dreams.

My fears are set free from the shards laying at my feet.
Who will be my champion, now that you are gone?
My fears are realized as I watch through shattered glass
As you walk down the street.

The window that you placed around me was pure poetry.
The glass in the frames made with rose tint.
You held me in thrall with he beauty of your art,
And destroyed me when you shattered the glass.

My feet are torn as the shards bite flesh.
My blood soaks the flagstone as I try to follow you.
You leave me in misery and walk free,
Leaving me bleeding among the shattered glass of my heart.

The stars roll across the night-time sky.
The wind blows the clouds across the moon
The path is shadowed by their shimmering flight
Sound is silenced in the quiet of this night.

Roses fill the garden
Their scent fills the air
Magic shimmers in the making
As I walk the path there.

Past, Present, Future
Rolling together in the mix
Questions without answers,
So many problems I must fix.

Weaving a web of magic
I ask questions in the light
The Mother's moon shines down on me
Providing Answers in the night.

I follow the Mother's Wisdom
I bathe in the Light
Knowing only Love
From the Givers of All Life.

I stand on the cliff to watch the sea.
I stand and raise my arms high
I sing to the surf and play in the wind
Feeling the power of Mother Earth flow through me.

Stars dance in the heavens
Waves dance in the sea
Clouds dance on the wind
And you are here with me.

The path I walked was lonely
Then love was offered freely
I took this gift and made a life
Blessed by the Mother
I became your wife.

I lived for others and traveled afar
Criss-crossing a land to bring joy and healing
I lived with my love and grew with child
Bearing within me a gift only I could give.

The child lived, but I did not.
The father grieved and the gift forgot.
The child grew and the Mother blessed her.
The blessings became gifts with the healing of her father.

-----"Tell Me of My Mother?"-----

Recounting the love shared between us
He told our child of our lives
Knowing the love the father held,
She felt the love her mother left her
And saw it in his eyes.

What lies beneath the surface?
Am I taking too much for granted?
Am I trusting unwisely - again?

My pain is my own.
It hides behind locked doors of my own making.
No one is allowed inside.
Not even me.

I mustn't let the pain out.
It will destroy my fortress.
The pain will destroy me; nothing will be left.
There is no one to witness my defeat.

Truth lies beneath the surface.
Without trust, nothing is taken.
If I do not trust, I do NOT LOVE.

All that is left is Pain.

From morning to night
I think of your kiss
From morning to night
I dream of such bliss

From morning to night
I see your face
From morning to night
I remember our love

I still feel you here

So much time has passed
Yet our love still remains

The years have been so long
But not time stands still like an eternal flame

I remember the day we met
I remember when you said yes

I remember the sun on your hair and the rain on your skin
I remember the light in your eyes  and the love you shared

Even when you are gone
Somehow I still feel you here

(written here as a poem, but first written as song lyrics)

I love yo more every day
I need you less every night
Do you see the pain you cause?
Apparently  Not

How can you see .... and not see?
How can you hear .... and not listen?
How can you love ...and not feel?
What's your problem?

I am not a floor mat
I am not a door
I am a person with a heartbeat
I am some one who matters

Who are you?

My eyes are open, but all I see is darkness.
My ears are keen, but all I hear is silence.
I am not alone, but I am lonely.
I am alive, but full of apathy.
My dreams are silent.
My heart is cold.
My head is busy.
I cannot be still.

I am lost in the midst of a known place.
I am alone in the midst of a crowd.
I will not bow down to the crushing weight of my mind.
I will not succumb  to the darkness of my thoughts.
I am not aware of the light inside my soul.
I cannot be still.

I am searching for a treasure of immaterial weight.
I am searching for a truth lost in the known knowledge.
I am weaving a life already past its time.
I am standing in a pool of tears already dry.
I am dreaming of a love already blown away.
I cannot be still.

My love is known to me.
My life is known to me.
My heart is known to me.
Treasures of a life, living to fulfill a promise to myself,
My thoughts are constantly searching for the door.
My eyes are constantly seeking the Light
My touch is constantly feeling for the warmth of a heart.
I will not be still.

I am so tired.
I am so very tired.
I try to regain my energy, and fail.
I feel like I am standing on a ledge,
Standing over a bottomless pit.

Why am I here?
What is there more for me to learn?
Why must each lesson cause pain?
Why can I not find peace?
If not within, at least without?

Surrounded by darkness, I wait.
Surrounded by darkness, I watch.
Surrounded by darkness, I listen.
What choice do I have?

I finally see a light at the end of a long tunnel.
I finally see some one waiting for me to succeed.
I finally hear some one call my name.
The choice is to continue or give up.

I find the strength to continue.
The strength of the Universe flows through me.
I find the beauty around me.
Even in the darkness, Beauty surrounds me.

The Light is waiting for me to reach for the truth.
The Light is waiting for me to accept my own path.
The Light is waiting on its prodigal child to come home.
The Light pierces the darkness for me to continue.

I choose to go home.
I choose to continue to grow.
I choose to become who I am meant to be.
I choose to become what I am meant to be.

Will you join me?
Will you be there me?
I wait to see if you are there.
I pray that you are.

Do you?
Are you?
Will you?
What do you choose?

The sky is dark tonight.
Dark and lonely, without light.
I wander alone on this plane,
Looking for something, some one to ease my pain.

I remember the last time I saw your face.
You cast me adrift, left me without grace.
The mask you wore was so cold, made of ice,
It seemed strange when you lived your life with such spice.

The shadows close around my head
As I remember you lying there, stone cold dead.
You left me alone to wander the night.
You left me alone without the guidance of your light.

I will remember you in my heart, always,
Praying to see your face again in the last days.
You were the one who held my heart,
And you were the one who taught me the beauty of inner art.

I love you now, as I did then.
I will love you for as long as the memories of men.
History will show my love for you,
And one day, I will lay beside you beneath the morning dew.

It's quiet.
It's lonely.
At least, on the outside.
No matter what I do, my mind speaks.
No matter where I am, my thoughts are not quiet.
In the midst of a conversation, I am shouting in my head.

The questions go around in circles forever without an answer.
Always with the "what-if" and "what then".
Always with the "I should have said" or "could have said" or  "should or could have done".
There is only peace in sleep, and then, only sometimes.

My dreams haunt me on waking.
My mind questions them constantly.
Always with "what does this mean".
I just want peace and quiet.

I find peace in the written word.
I create the written word to give voice to my pain, peace, thoughts, dreams.
I hold a conversation with myself  to argue and am told I am crazy.
I hold a conversation with myself to create, and am told I am gifted.

I always question my sanity.
If you can question it, I was told that means you are sane.
I think I prefer the loneliness.
I know that I prefer quiet.

I love yo more every day
I need you less every night
Do you see the pain you cause?
Apparently  Not

How can you see .... and not see?
How can you hear .... and not listen?
How can you love ...and not feel?
What's your problem?

I am not a floor mat
I am not a door
I am a person with a heartbeat
I am some one who matters

Who are you?

"An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth."
Turned another way is:
"A lie for a lie, a truth for a truth."

"Something for nothing."
Always means:
"Nothing is free."

I feel for people who will never know how to feel.
I love the people who will never learn to love.
I learn from the people who will never learn.
I hear for the people who will never hear, speak for the people who will never speak, and live for the people who will never live.

I am the soul of mankind.

(This poem was written for a poetry class at my college.  It and 4 others were published in the college periodical, thus ensuring that I passed the class.)