I crave
the green forests and the towering mountains,
the free feeling you get when you're on top
of an object tall enough that you can see for miles
leaves cavorting across the soil, as if
tossed by hands of the wind and sun rays,
playing a game of catch with the moss.
the wind gets praise and worship from the trees.
branches clapping, birds singing symphonies
the gossip of flowers in the summertime breeze,
discussing which bud the sun loves most.
and with each spring rain the forest hosts,
the stones make music, the river boasts
that it knows the secrets of the world.
the water passes and twirls over stones
like a crowd of ballerina girls dancing  
to the beat of leaves falling to the ground.
with the sound of my breath, I would join
the orchestra. and with each pound of my
heart, I would contribute to the melody
of the nature surrounding me. I could be
the conductor while lying on my back
as the grass whispers sweet nothings
into my ear, like a love long since passed.

yet I wake up from my vast daydream to find
I am still surrounded by linoleum and plaster
and the forest is only in my mind.

I have never felt harassment because of my race
what does that feel like? I couldn't say
I imagine it's like trying to tell a sexist male
about the pay gap and attempting
to explain to an insecure woman
that a thigh gap is unhealthy
or convince the wealthy that money
only buys temporary happiness
why do we become obsessed
with treasures, power and appearance?
it's all about the way you look
my skin is white, his skin was brown
and now it's pure black as it sits
in the cold ground, waiting for nothing
because as long as there are people
willing to rise up and ask why
there will be someone squashing them
like a boot to an ant.

time withers all things
the flowers bloom and die
our hands become wrinkled
like these sheets we lie in

the ocean pecks the shore
just as long as a timid twinkle
or for a split second spark
whatever lady moon will allow

quickly changing moods fall
like leaves on the bough
until the ground is covered
with failed hopes and possibilities

our eyes filled with reverie
our lips blossomed with fertility
overflowing visions of devotion
until we conceived it in our hearts

we extend our sentiments
toward the sun beams to flourish
in summer's warm upbringing
growing still and unyielding

but even rooted woods expire
and live bodies will discard their skin
their feathers, teeth, and hair
like we shed layers of attire

the bulb above will burn out
exhaust all of its energy for us
and we deliver nothing in return
we're merely more matter to spread

It's hard to be happy in this world.
Constantly we are faced with hardship.
Not only in our own lives, but the lives of others
In the form of media, social or news or television
And it's impossible to hide from it.
We are exposed to everything now
In this age of technology, there is no innocence
There is no privacy or solitude
There is only ignorance to the truth
and lies spewing out of the tongues of dragons
who control the sheep and lead them
to their fiery mouths only to chew them up
and spit them back out to wait until
the next 6 o'clock horror show
Another black kid shot, who cares?
Another mother taken away from her children
Big deal! celebrities go to africa to help
the starving black babies with swollen tummies
while here in the land of the tv slaves and
home of the brave-only-when-it-benefits-me
we refuse to give our third slice of
ultimate supreme extra meat deluxe pizza
to the homeless man living on the street
who hasn't eaten food in days
you threw some out this morning
because it didn't look good to you anymore.

rain falls to the grassy floor.
a dog barks at the front door.
(let! me! in! let! me! in!)
no one's home to hear the pour,
the whines and cries and tears.
leaking through the lines and cracks.
ringing loud off silent blue walls.
leaves fall like autumn bombs.
the atom air calms the soul.
cold turns my breath into clouds.
the smell of winter shrouds me.
the moon is casting it's spell.
i swoon as i drink it's sweet liquor.
the blue street light flickers.

i see you.

walking slowly toward me.
stalking, graceful snake.
i am the prey to take.
you part the grey fog.
work of art, feast for the eyes.
my prize is almost within reach.
skipped beats with each step.
your breath meets mine.
they intertwine, a silent storm.
your skin warm, my furnace.
burning a thin flame in the soul.
fingers stroll down my back.
your touch lingers on my cheek.

you speak.

even angels envy the sound.
the ground begins to disappear.
we're floating through the atmosphere.
slow dancing to your symphony.
i see what i thought was unreachable.
what i had fought for so long.
now it is the song i sing.

there's a first time for everything.

to be touched.
as gentle as a summer's breeze.
for i am the leaves hanging from the branches.
as quiet as a roaring mouse.
as silent as a squeaky house.
we praise the moonlight,
that enveloped hands reach toward.
the night is made of blankets.
twinkled sheets and bright covers
to keep the streets warm,
to put the sky to sleep.
and to protect the silent trees,
the animals in slumber,
the ground filled with tired flowers,
and the foaming sea.
while the sun was gone,
roaming grace fell upon me.
for you i've come to know so well.
grow we did in moonlight's spell.
we put up no fights.
stay right here with me.
free to love under gentle touch.
such fingers made of shy midnight clouds.
fly me to new heights.
through night sky cotton.
through desires not forgotten.
and we'll float; mid-space flyers.
in a twinkled sea; higher now.
never coming down.

i am but a dream.
a fantasy.
i am the sun hanging o’er your head.
i am the star that shines brightest in your night.
i am the sunlight beaming through your window.
i am the wind that causes the blades of grass to bend.
i am the laughter escaping your mouth.
i am the smile stretching across your teeth.
i am the chill crawling up your spine.
i am the butterflies in your stomach.
i flap my wings just to see you smile.

you grab my hand like i am yours.
i am, i always have been.
you lead me to bed like a fawn to water.
with one kiss, we spill together.
like sweet lemonade poured into a glass.
intertwined as one, flowing as one.
you quench my thirst, replenish my hunger.
finger tips glide across ivory.
you’re playing the perfect keys.
it’s a symphony of knobby knees.
a melody of freckles, a harmony of eyelashes.
i could stay in this moment forever.
i breathe you in, i inhale your perfume.
like smoke in my lungs, you invade me.
you’re a soldier of compliments.
the captain of my soul.
i watch you as you sleep.
i hum quietly hoping not to wake you.
you’re the definition of peace, my angel.
dawn is on its way, **** the new day.

i am but a dream.
i puff of smoke, a fantasy.
for as the sun rises, i set with the moon.
just as quickly as i arrived, i’m gone with the night.

i am at a loss.
of words.

i want to slow down.
i want us all to slow down.
i             want               you                 to              read            slower.
i
want
you
to
breathe
slower.
i

want your
heart

to




beat
slower.

say my name sssssssllllllllllllllooooooooooooowwwwwwwwweeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrr.

­fastersayitfasterdon'tstoptosmelltherosesjustwalkonthrough.
iamno­tslowingdownforyou.
ineedasignorsomethingicantouch.
suchasicantou­chyou.
iknewyouwerethere.
iknewyouwerethereforsolongandineverreal­ized.
somethingrightbeforemyeyes.
somethingrightundermynose.
that­'sjusthowitgoesiguess.
fasterfasterdon'tslowdownjustpassonthrough­.



kiss
me
slow.

i'll show you
what it means
to live.

you'll know
how your name sounds
in a whisper.

it doesn't
sound the same
as it does
in the light.

the night
covers our eyes
but we will not
sleep.

wecansleepwhenwe'redead.
yousaidthattimeandtimebefore.
andibeli­eveitmoreeverytimeyousayit.
itakethesituationandweightit.
fornowi­knowwhattodo.

my heart

my heart

my heart is as true as steel.

The darkness is so bright.
It's blinding my eyes,
I can't see the light.
It's slowly slipping away.

The sky is turning gray.
And your eyes are fading to blue.
The sun is setting in the day.
And rising in the evening.

The leaves are subsiding toward the sky;
The rain slowly falling upwards.
The ground is floating up way too high.
The world is spinning fast.

Will it stop? Will you ever stop?
My eyes are closing, why aren't yours opening?
I'm quickly climbing to the top.
The clock is ticking, the night is coming.

Slowly the night is coming.
Like the fog, swallowing me completely.
The pleasant idea of night is in my mind.
It's bringing me down, only if it could bring you down with me.

Tangled, the night, tangled thoughts in my mind.
If only I could find the way through the maze.
Amazed, a maze, the solution behind me.
The idea of light is slipping away.

Slipping away into the night.

two people, two worlds, two souls.
living as two; breathing as two.

Wasted time no longer wasted.
One sweet love finally tasted.
My soul is here for you to take.
My heart is here for you to break.
Vulnerable is not just a word, but a way of life.
Through the strife, you were there.
Through the wears the tears, you were there.
In the time where i was barely hanging on.
My heart, it's singing a new song.
For you, for you, only you.
Baby, you amaze me.
listen to my heart beat for you.
Every
Single
Beat

For you.

Pain is ordinary.
love is extraordinary.
You are my world.
The universe can't hold what we have.
From the very depths of the soul.
From ever fiber in my being.
I breathe you, i feel you, i need you.
My dreams came true in you.
Love is no longer imaginary.
It's in my reach, it's in my arms.
The touch of love, the smell of love.
it's familar to me now.
what people say is true, love is blind.
and deaf
and mute.

No distance traveled matches how far i would go for you.
the ends of the earth is too short of a journey.
the moon and back doesn't compare.
your voice is music to my ears.
surround me in your music.
life would be lost without you.
i could never find it.
no matter what to cost, i'd buy it.
even if it lasted for only a day.

A day no longer than a few hours.
Hours past, i miss you.
Tick
tock
tick tock tock tock.
you're not here, i'm not there.
wait for me, my love, wait.
soon we'll be together again.
soon we'll breathe together again.
as one person, one world, one soul.

cold, wet gravel.
the heavy rain is set on the ground.
no longer making sound.
i'm taking a breath and closing my eyes.
my clothes are soaked, my arms spread wide.
lying on the paved road, no one beside me.
i tried to make myself love you.
i cried when i realized i don't.
and when i die, not just on the inside like i am now.
but when i die, my heart stopped and my remains burnt.
the air contains my ashes and i'm no longer here.
i fear my hold on your heart will fade.
and you will find a blade and cut free the ties.
and pry my cold fingers off your warm vessel.
i wrestle with thoughts of going into the dark.
and laying there until the spark of light shines through.
like a candle guiding me to safety i never knew.
you would be standing on the other side.
your arms spread wide, like a harbor for a struggling ship.
and when i go to grip your waist once more,
your figure drifts away, like waves from a shore.
and my ship sinks once more, like so many times before.
then my eyes tore open to see gray skies and an abandoned street.
it was just a dream of this death i keep seeming to cheat.
it seems i can't take a breath without regretting.
this is the perfect setting for a forgetting.
for me to reject all thoughts of you from my mind.
with the fresh air filling my lungs there are no pictures to remind.
remind me of you.
and you knew all along what you were doing.
trapping me like a fly to your web.
a tangled mess of web where many have been stuck before.
where you will **** the life out of every soul.
i payed my toll, i payed the price.
i thought my heart, mind and spirit would suffice.
but i was wrong, you keep finding a way to tug.
tug at my heart strings once more.
i fell like a leaf after cold grips the tree's core.
now the icy breath of winter is breaking down the door.
and i'm still falling, and the floor is still out of reach.
and you're still ******* my soul like a leech.
the world's a stage, and i'll play my roll.
my mask is pretty extravagant and hides my tears so well.
when i ask God to spare me, He points to hell.
He grabs my hand and joints it to His face.
His pity is nothing like His grace.
and i fall once again, but this time into the fiery lake.
and i scream out your name for you to follow.
to save me from this burning hollow.
but you gave no reply.
instead you turned as you waved goodbye.
you deny my existence, defy my name.
the flames rise around me.
you kiss the crimson cheek of the devil.
then her lips, then her neck.
flames licking me now as your tongue envelopes hers.
how you did it, i will never know.
you embrace her slow, thoughts of me nowhere to be found.
i am hell bound as you grasp pleasure's damnable hand.
my eyes expand, it was a dream once more.
i find i'm still lying on the paved, wet floor.
the heavy rain set on the ground.
no longer making sound.
and i look around, you are nowhere to be found.

i need you like i need water in my lungs.
like a picture hung in a darkened room.
i need you like i need a beautiful painting in my tomb.
where i lay dead, but still wait for you.
like a flower buried in a snowy end, waiting for june.
i need you like i need a disease.
an epidemic waiting to seize my beating heart.
you were gone long before the start.
and then dawn came, i was left in the dark.
maybe this is payback for my actions i never claimed.
i was the one to blame, i left you there.
open heart, bleeding love you wanted to share.
was i supposed to let you bleed out on the floor?
i said it before, but i only mean it now.
i'm sorry for loving you, i never meant to.
i've always heard that love is true.
"o, that i were a glove upon that hand,
that i might touch that cheek."
love is cheap, love will be the death of me.
i sit here and weep while he kisses the lips of another.
it's betrayal of the darkest kind, he was once a lover.
a lover of me, a lover of many.
there will be plenty more lips touching his.
not one of them will be mine.
he is the needle, and i follow like thread.
i need you like i need a hole in the head.
like i need a bed of hot coals.
to lay upon while i shed more tears for you.
i will never construe your reasons for not loving me too.
i'm here at my point, and you at yours.
my waves crash against your shores, no matter how hard i try.
i may not need you, but i want you and i don't know why.
i want you like i want this high.
like i want to sleep and dream of better things.
i want you like i want ecstasy, happiness, and wings.
i want the wings you give me back in my possession.
they only appear when you're around.
i have a confession, i am yours through and through.
even if you don't want me, i'm here for you.
like gum on your shoe or fleas on your dog.

you want me like you want a disease.
an epidemic waiting to seize your beating heart.
you want me like you want water in your lungs.
but you need me like you need air.
you just don't know it yet.

i think you're really weird.
you freak.
you food network geek.
and your worn out converse.
with the ribbon tied.
to the left side of course.
that's the crip side.
you're a "hipster".
you're "scene".
more like obscene.
purple skinny jeans.
black ones too.
blue, dark and light.
average height.
you prefer the night.
but you're afraid of the dark.
your bite is much worse than your bark.
always have a smart *** remark.
your heart is black and cold.
you're a ***** and it's getting old.
and sometimes your eyes twitch.
your thighs are big, waist is small.
therefore your pants fall, constantly.

i think you're really weird.
you're so strange.
deranged? that too.
you shoot imaginary guns.
you are tons of crazy.
lazy, messy, creepy.
always sleepy, always awake.
you bake, you daydream, you imagine.
ways to create, new things to try.
you're still fly, since 1991.
second to none, last to many.
give away pennies, you don't like change.
you exchange smiles with strangers.
dress with style, walk with swag.
peculiar in every way.
your favorite skies are gray.
cries too much, tries too hard.
your underarm is scarred.
uncanny charm, mismatched socks.
outside the box.
wide-eyed and innocent.
well, to an extent.
you love british accents.
skittish and laid back.
crack a joke from time to time.
you're sublime, sometimes.
you climb molehill sized mountains.
you fulfill wishes and crush dreams.

i think you're really weird.
crooked fingers, straight smile.
singing all the while.
you'll swing when you get the chance.
dance in front of the mirror.
you see things clearer now.
you wish you had wings.
or to swim with the fishes.
on the brim of insanity.
live on a whim, think too much.
such a tragedy with a happy ending.
bending the rules.
love is for fools, not you of course.
chew with your mouth closed please.
always lose your keys.
bruise easily.
it's hard for you to choose.
you're a bard, look it up.
cup half empty, glass half full.
pull the wool over their eyes.
in disguise, a mustache will do.
few understand, many just nod.
odd, pinky promise until death.
morning breath all day long.
these are the lyrics to your song.
you seize their hearts in one fatal swoop.
then drop and shatter them.
mindless chatter, intelligent conversations.
deprived of any patience.
plenty of empathy though.
don't know which way to go.
imperfectly perfect, born to stray.

i think i'm really weird.
and i wouldn't have it any other way.

happiness, but a word.
hope, an aspiration.
love, a dream.

i have a dream.
that one day i will be loved.
the smell wavers in the air.
it tickles my nose.
i can see, but i must not feel.
my heart must not know it’s real.
like an imaginary friend.
like the wind.
i get glimpses, moments.
but i must not know it.
for i am a fortress of undying loneliness.
bodies of past veterans surround the gate.
how lucky to have such a fate.
to end the war with pure glory.
the living dead now searching for a cure.
i too am searching for my anecdote.
stick the needle in me.
i’ll swallow the pill.
will you perform open heart surgery?
i’ve needed it from the start.
i hum the tune of your memory.
remember me, for soon this will end.
i’m pinned against the wall.
i call, but only hear the echo of me.
my silent pleas ringing in my ear.
sheer ignorance, not accompanied by bliss.
the kiss of death lingers on my lips.
i am but a canary in a coal mine.
lack of air stole my voice.
i have no choice in the matter.
thoughts scatter, for i am mindful.
blind to a world of unknown.
where the blind also walk, but not alone.
i stalk the feeling, but its door is always locked.
i’ve knocked a few times, but no one was home.
the foam is seeping from my mouth.
i’m going mad from the hair of the dog that bit me.
i was intoxicated off of your sweet air.
the breath of complete damnation.
for hell once brought my body elation.
now lifeless, shoddy, lying in this wooden coffin.
the end is trying to begin again.
then i heard the tape rewind.

happiness, but a word.
hope, an aspiration.
love, a dream.

i'm getting drunk off rain water.
it's been hiding in the gutter for hours.
along with the leaves and tree flowers.
i sing a song as i stumble down the street.
"and IIIII-I-IIII-III will always lo-uh-ve youu!"

it's true.

there's a string attached from me to you.
and hung from it are not-so-shiny stars.
spring has sprung, love is in the air.
i choke as i inhale the pair.
hands entwined with their pail white string.
what if i were to sprout wings?
i doubt i'd stay on earth for long.
i've always thought i don't belong anyway.
i tucked my heart away in a sock drawer.
that's the safest place i could think of.
i trace the scar with my fingertips.
another star fell down tonight.
this town never sees a thing.
i add the fallen to our stretched-out string.
i had a dream in black in white.
where i had caught a beam of light.
and i kept it safe all through the night.
all through the year.
all through my life.
and as i died, as all of us do,
the beam of light died too.

i used to think the beam was you.

i scream to the moon.
my rain strewn across the ground.
i found myself lying in my reflection.
i point my thumb in one direction.
hoping you will soon come pick me up.
i kick a cup left here by a stranger.
"danger", the smudged sharpie reads.
"love is", written on the other side.
i chuckle at the irony-smittened phrase.
i graze over my scar once more.
i swore to the sun i would visit someday.
i'd bring with me my hidden heart.
ridden with love the sun would burn up.
she'd turn my heart anew.
in it will be hope i knew had gone.
and happiness i had given up on.
i dipped the cup in the rain and took a sip.
i held the styrofoam lip to my own.
five fingers grip it tight.

love is danger, this i've known to be right.

i'm getting drunk off rain water.
and stumbling off into the night.