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   Her scarf a la Bardot,
In suede flats for the walk,
She came with me one evening
For air and friendly talk.
We crossed the quiet river,
Took the embankment walk.

Traffic holding its breath,
Sky a tense diaphragm:
Dusk hung like a backcloth
That shook where a swan swam,
Tremulous as a hawk
Hanging deadly, calm.

A vacuum of need
Collapsed each hunting heart
But tremulously we held
As hawk and prey apart,
Preserved classic decorum,
Deployed our talk with art.

Our Juvenilia
Had taught us both to wait,
Not to publish feeling
And regret it all too late -
Mushroom loves already
Had puffed and burst in hate.

So, chary and excited,
As a thrush linked on a hawk,
We thrilled to the March twilight
With nervous childish talk:
Still waters running deep
Along the embankment walk.

Lethargic depressed insane inane speechless crazy alone loved.
still alone searching hiding scared asking hoping walking.  simplistic.
connected living breathing-wishing I wasn't.  Sleeping longing paranoid strange homeless judged.  
stereotypes dependent wishing thinking realism tricks mental functions waves patterns medicine.  
Staying awake.  Crying, screaming, screaming, screaming, angst, anger, understanding yet misunderstood.
apathy
manic precocious processing watching waiting listening-not tasting. day mares.  trains feet cars writing resting regaining energetic.
back down.
up.
down, staying down. staying trying attending pushing achieving descending reading.
surviving. impossible. surviving.