I miss how the protective warmth forces my muscles to relax
the cool bitter beer tastes sweeter on my yearning red lips
As my eyes have become a minimal size, a forcing squint from the demanding shine
How the earth welcomes me to lie with it side by side
How the long green strands tickle my freckly skin
the calm of a welcoming outside, inviting me stay and play for a while
I miss the openness of the colours hovering in the haze of heat
How it reminds me that I am part of this overwhelming world
And how nature is my version of a God

I do not miss the way in which the colours fade to leave a shade and it leaves without so much as a nod

A child cries as loud as she can so that you will hear.
Do you do the same?

No matter how fulfilled my new love feels
There is still a little bit of the memories you created
Leaking through this creased smile

You slide your wrinkled eyes to the other side
Thankfully

If you had turned to grasp my hand, to share a part of your thrown apart heart

I would crumble and stack
all of your emotions onto my bruised back

A waterfall could leave my heated eyes
Being only the youth of the overwhelming stream
Because the emotions you bear in this place so rare
Run too deep for them not to seep onto the keening edge

To reach the end of the never ending stream
Would leave none of you or even me
Just a torn apart wall in between

Oh how I wish I could be your perfect server
You turn to those customers
with your stress ridden eyes
But keep it all masked with that vile business smile

So very slowly I am becoming what it is you need
Soon I will be carrying your ticking metal box
inside the left of my freezing chest
emotions disabled are the settings suited best

And before I realise,
as I leave through this door
I will no longer be able to switch
back to my emotions so pure.

I ask how your day is,
I cannot listen to your response

I exclaim how beautiful the spring is,
it has been years since I gazed at the sun

How am I to ever feel beauty
when I cannot feel at all
How could my work be flawed
when this box remains forever installed

Ready? Unready
To step swiftly through the inviting crowd
Of potential impossible beginnings

Weary, weary
You left my space
This unforgiving place

Teary, teary
From my eyes they crept
Ready? Unready.

I let you go

too early.